After 17 years of being together an highschool sweethearts she told me that she was getting bored and didn't have feelings for me and loved me but not in love with me. I told her that after 17 years love is not always felt it is a commitement like shopping together cleaning together, Going out together, helping the kids with school ect. Well she left me for a coworker because she felt love like when we first met. Was I correct or do people really just fall out of love and never look back????
2007-03-31 16:05:22 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I definitely agree with you...that is what the marriage vows were for. What she's looking for is the excitement that seemed lacking in the marriage but unfortunately in the end, she's going to end up being in the same situation she tried to run away from and that is why it's important to keep things interesting in the marriage so it doesn't get to be routine.
2007-03-31 16:21:40 · answer #1 · answered by jdhs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right and wrong. After 17 years of marriage love does not feel the same but it shouldn't just feel like a commitment either. I'm sure those 17 years were wonderful but if shes moved on so should you but you don't have to do it right away and you certainly don't have to get married again, i believe that everyone should try marriage at least once and if it dosent work out, you at gave it a shot. And those who marry again are truly worth it the second time around. Some people really do fall out of love and never look back.
2007-03-31 18:26:58 · answer #2 · answered by I Like Grapes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things happen, people grow apart. I am sure she was feeling this way for alot longer then she cared to admit. Unfortunately when the focus between two people are not enough on each other and mostly for the children this is when one of the partners can stray.Well you are right and wrong, yes love is a commitment that you share like doing things together , but often romance leaves a marriage. Thats when trouble begins. You have to be able now to pick up the pieces and find what will make you happy now. No one is the blame here,,it happens. Never ever should anyone stay together for the kids. Children pick up on parents that arent happy. And its sad when passion leaves, I dont think there is much you can do now but move on.
2007-03-31 16:22:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 17 years it looks like you both started taking each other for granted. She probably gave you lots of oportunity to realise things were going sour and you didn't or wouldn't see there was a problem.It happens in the best of marriages. You had the chance to change things but by then it was to late and she has gone to greener pastures. You can't change that but it took both of you to go into the marriage and it took both of you to keep it going,its more than a commitment like going shopping etc. All you can do now is continue as you are and jump into another relationship without having learned where you went wrong OR you can get some counselling and try to learn how to manage a relationship without making the same mistakes.Goodluck.
2007-03-31 16:15:33 · answer #4 · answered by jacqui w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
,Man I wish I could really help you, with just a simple answer, to all the feelings you have right now. I've been through the same thing my wife of 8 years left me for a co worker of hers. and married him within 6 1/2 months after divorcing me. But the Truth to the matter, is your right, love is not a feeling its commitment, She obviously does not understand love and she is not teaching your kids any better either. They may think its greener on the other side, but its not. There just not thinking clear and they bring more crap into there lives, not looking at the true consequences. Its not love, she is deceived!
2007-03-31 16:24:17 · answer #5 · answered by fstmx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your cheating wife is immature. She is looking to recapture the excitement and romance that you had 17 years ago. She'll soon find out that the excitement soon wears thin with anyone. You are right about mature love being a committment. It won't be fireworks every day but it can be glowing like an ember ready to ignite again.
She was never ready for a long term committment. It just took her many years to finally admit it. What a shock it must have been for you to find out she had not grown or matured in the time you have been together.
Thank her for finally telling you the truth; admitting her weakness. Now you are free to look for someone with the same values and integrity.
2007-03-31 16:12:10 · answer #6 · answered by friendlyadvice 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love is not like shopping or cleaning together... i can shop or clean with my neighbor.
it's a feeing which involves emotions, committment, trust, respect, care, being there even when you don't feel like it, listening, communicating and the list goes on......
helping your kids with school is done out of love, but it is a responsibility which is part of parenting.
i think sometimes people do fall out of love. maybe your wife was bored? perhaps you two grew apart.
whatever the reason, i'm sorry you're having to go through this... you don't have to be right, and you're certainly not wrong... everyone does things for their own reasons, and looks at life differently.
i hope you do well.. take care of YOU now... live one day at the time.
2007-03-31 16:16:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, yes people do fall out of love, but when you go into a marriage one has to realize that there are going to be things that are going to go wrong, you will get bored, and you will have feelings of dislike. The way I look at it is my husband and I were SOOOO in love when we first met, and now we have so much going on and yes we do get bored, but we always have nights were we fall in love again. Your wife just needed to remember the love that you both once had and also she needed to realize that it CAN be brought back!
2007-03-31 16:14:23 · answer #8 · answered by truebeing3030 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are correct sir, but seventeen years together without marriage? Well, I almost forget, this is 2007. Marriage is a thing of the past because who needs it. It's really all about how two people feel about each other and not taking vows before an Almighty and holy God that neither one of you intends on keeping anyway. And besides, marriage implies commitment and work and who the hell wants that nowadays in our wonderful culture of easy come, easy go, "if it feels good do it/all about me" attitude towards "relationships?"
2007-03-31 16:22:08 · answer #9 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don;tthink people just fall outof love, but being with my husband for 12 years Starting from 7th grade, I know that it is something you have to work at. of course the whole butterflies in your stomache thing is not the same when you have been with someone for a long time but like you said when my husband and i go to the park with the kids or to my sons baseball games there is a connection there that is way deeper then when we first got involved . There will be some boring times but if two people really love each other they have to spice things up. for instance me and my hubby just took up tennis which is not really our thing but it gives us something to do at the park while the kids play. i could not just fall out of love with my husband but like I said there are times where we need to break routine and add some spice to it.
Good luck, i hope everything works out for the best
2007-03-31 16:16:55 · answer #10 · answered by Chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋