Can a married man have a friendship with a single female & not get involved?

Question

My husband has a female friend. She is single and looking & lets everyone around her know. My husband is an EMT & recently, due to partnering problems for female friend, he was volunteered to be this single female's partner, with no objections. From Sept. 2006 to Feb. 2007, every Fri. & Sat., they were in intermedate class together. For awhile, they talked multiple times throughout the day & if not on phone, IM each other on computer. Now they have walkies from the rescue squad & they chat on them. I don't know when or how often, as he no longer does it around me. She also got him to set up a myspace profile where he has left her several messages. More than what he has posted on my profile. He talks to her & not me. I have tried to talk to him, but he thinks I'm crazy. Well, am I crazy? Are they just friends?

When he is talking to her, yes, he takes time away from me & our children. Their conversations were not just a friendly 5 to 10 minutes long.

The times I tried to talk to him, I never accused him of anything or got really mad. I simply expressed how I felt on the matter. Basically, that I was jealous of the time he spent with her. That I was suppose to be his best friend & I didn't trust her. I never told him he couldn't be friends with her or anything. I was hoping he would have enough respect for me as his wife to come to the right conclusion. A few times he has gotten upset when I tried to talk to him & even accused me of trying to tell him who could be his friends, who he could hang out with, etc, but I haven't.

As for the EMT job, everyone he has trained or worked with, as far as partners goes, has been female. The only time he has worked with males is when someone filled in for his partner. I've never had a problem or concern about that.

Answer 1

While it is possible for a married man to have a friendship with a single woman, there are definitely limits and it sounds like he has crossed a few boundaries or close to crossing them. First of all, your husband should be your best friend and vice versa. Is the time he spends talking to her taking away from time spent with you? Is the time and energy devote to her taking away form you? Those are two warning signs that you need to take notice of right away.

Is your husband secretive about his relationship with her and what they talk about? Are you able to see the messages they send back and forth? How would he react if you asked to see his chat archives? Are you able to see his profile on Myspace and what he says about himself? Is what he says honest? The answers to those questions will speak volumes.

How can your husband be friends with her? If he is COMPLETELY honest about everything and make sure that you are the number one priority in his life. If he can't follow those rules, then his behavior is a threat to your marriage. And he he doesn't see that, then make it is time for a chat with her.

Answer 2

Take my word for it -- this is TROUBLE! He is married and shouldn't be seeking female companionship from anyone but his wife. If they want to do things as friends, they should do it only in your presence -- out of respect for you. If there is any way possible for him to get a new EMT partner, he should do it because this could definitely head in a bad direction -- if it hasn't already. Sweetie, you are NOT going crazy! I know! Myspace broke up my marriage. It is merely a place to hookup with people. His time and energy spent on chatting with her through IM, myspace, walkie talkies, etc. should be spent on YOU -- his WIFE! I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate it if you were doing these things with a single man. Talk with him again and tell him how this is hurting you. If he loves you and cares, he will delete the Myspace immediately and break all ties with this woman. If he absolutely cannot get a new EMT partner, then he needs to grow up, be a man, and keep their relationship strictly professional. I can't tell you how bad I feel for you because I've BEEN THERE and it hurts like hell. Good luck to you and God bless!

Answer 3

I don't know if this is helpful but my hub has a female friend like that too. They work with eachother and she got him on myspace and she text messages him-- not flirty from what i see but just so buddy-buddy and it is very hurtful. I made the mistake of bringing this up when i was emotional and he told me I was a spaz and psycho which was just mean.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I sat down with him and said "Look--please just listen and don't get mad. I love you and I feel insecure." and I asked him to give me some reassurance that he loved me best and was not cheating.

Don't accuse or get mad. If he responds poorly to that, then I would be suspicious, and nicely also without accusations ask to be let in a little more on his relationship for your own peace of mind.

Whatever the situation he should value your feelings.

You are not crazy, even if theya re just friends he should take your concern seriously.

Answer 4

No, I don't believe that a married man can have a friendship with a single female...or even a married female...they have already (or just him) crossed a line. The fact that he is now hiding his conversations from you should send up a red flag! If he can't talk in front of you, then there is something to hide. Start doing some snooping and find out his account info and passwords and check them out. It never hurts.

My sister's marriage ended in divorce because of a "friendship." Her ex and a female "Friend" were co-workers and had lunch and "talked." Turns out he was having an affair with her (she was married with two kids-each has a different father). And get this: MY sister was 2 months PREGNANT. Had to go through a whole pregnancy after finding out her husband had an affair. And hopefully her son will never find out. How devastating.

Just keep an eye on the situation, but if you are asking the question, then you already suspect.

Answer 5

A married man should not be having a friendship with a single female where his wife is not involved. Friendships often become relationships, so having the two of them in this close of a partnership is going to foster feelings in both of them. The fact that they are having conversations and not including you, and the fact that he is leaving messages on her MySpace and not on yours, also says that he is getting too involved.

Whether he wants to admit it or not, he is putting himself in a position where unfaithfulness can and may happen. They might not mean for it to happen, but the situation warrants a closer look.

If that was my husband, I would hope that he would care about me enough to want to put our relationship and my feelings first. And that would mean no more off the clock chats, no more private messages, and if possible, he should get a new partner.

I may be old-fashioned, but I also know that I have my husband's heart.

Answer 6

Everyone needs a friend away from home. Unless you have "PROOF" that something funny is going on there really isn't anything you can do. Apparently this woman works the same job. She can relate to the job, the stress, and alot of other things that you probably can't . And there's nothing wrong with that.

I have a female friend at work. We both have stressful jobs. She see's what I go through every day and has a understanding about what I go through at work that my wife just can't comprehend. In turn, I see what stress's she has that her husband can't understand. We talk. We laugh. We pick one another up during the day. But at the end of the day, we go home to our spouses.

As long as your guy is coming home to you, and if you have no proof that he's cheating, let it be.

Answer 7

And how much have you talked to her? From the begining you should of been talking and being a friend to her. Then she may work with your husband but be your friend and talk to you about what's going on than to your husband that you are jealous about. I can not say if he would be cheating or not for I don't see as much as you. But I would try to be her friend and spend time with them or just her by herself. Ask her out for a coffee or some other drink and talk to her.

Answer 8

I have been married for 17 years and have several female friends. I have never cheated on my wife. What is curious to me is that they have quit talking in front of you. IM's can be logged. Check to see if his settings re logged and if so you can see what they are talking about. If they aren't make em logged and see what they are saying. The are also programs called "key loggers" that will secretly track all his activites on a computer. But think about it...if it is just a friendship and he catches you snooping then you look really bad.

Answer 9

I wouldnt get to crazy, where i work im the only male so of course if i have any work friends there going to be female because thats all that works there.My wife is well aware which ones i talk to and hang out with through out the day.Since im the only other male i cant walk around with blinders on and not speak to anyone just because im married and i work with single women,thats nuts.Sounds to me someone has trust and security issues that need to be addressed.

Answer 10

This can be a tricky question, I work for an ambulance service and I am married and my partner is male.

However you need to look at it like this... when your husband is at work he has to depend on her you never know when she may have to save him. You have to trust your partner and know that they have your back. I am best friends with my partner and talk to him everyday. In fire and ems we all have a very different relationship. there are calls that he may respond on that due to HIPPA he can't talk to you about and she is there and shares all the same emotions .

Bottom line in fire and ems a majority of the time we spend as much time with our partners as we do our spouses. If you don't trust him you need to tell him to get out of the job now.