My husband and I separated 6 months ago. We have 4 kids.
Very quickly after he left he began a sexual relationship with one of our employees which devastated me. For a time there was only grief and rage between us. However ,in January we connected again, physically as well as emotionally.Over the course of the last 3 months we have secretly been seeing each other and making plans for the future.
The problem is that the employee he had an affair with is still in the picture...although he claims to have no feelings for her beyond pity whenever she calls him ,he runs to her and in the past 3 months I know he has slept with her on at least 3 occasions.
She is an emotionally unstable woman with a number of unsavoury acqaintances and I know that my husband is worried about her reaction should she discover what we are planning, but I don't know how much longer I can take having to play these games.I'm so confused..he says one thing but does he really mean another?
2007-03-31 14:57:22 · 19 answers · asked by viv 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What he is saying to you is the complete opposite of what he really means at this point. If he has truly connected with you emotionally again after a seperation he would not have any relations with the other woman. I experienced something similar to what you are experiencing. My husband and I split for about 7 months and we are now happier than we have ever been. But to you it's sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You need to establish with him that in order for you to really connect that he must break all ties with this other woman. Apparently it sounds like there is something that he is not telling you. The best advice I can give is to be careful that you aren't attached at this point until you know that he is completely free of this other woman and can reconnect with you the way you feel for him. Good Luck!
2007-03-31 15:09:36 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The situation sounds like a nightmare, but the only resolution that can come is by both of you stepping up, making a decision, sticking to it, and then being committed totally 100% after that. Consider the soap opera crud you have to go through between now and then a trial by fire and a natural consequence of having complicated your lives. Good luck and take care.
2007-03-31 15:02:00 · answer #2 · answered by Paul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This very thing,only 2 kids,very simular has happend to me,this is an almost eary question for me to look at,I had to read it twice..Im re married mine was my 1st hubby years ago...its a lil odd looking from the outside in.Im sorry I just learned something about me..In fact I know you would not follow my advise,because Ive been you.You already know your the fool,you already know hes playing both of you and its degrading as the wife to play second fiddle to the other women...it is a new low,and pure desperation to to hold on,you even sit by while he speaks to her on the phone ,you sneak around...with YOUR OWN HUSBAND...you know the answer...you dont need yahoo girl...you got 4 kids and a bussiness that hes the head of,he controls everything.Even you,you feel sorry for him and outwardly believe, and go along with him....but your no dummy, you know. But if you question him he will make it your fault and leave you.What da ya do?hes still with the girl sweetie,and the one that blows cover will be the one to go...and even then it will continue as a compitition,and hell still get laid...and you will have even less dignity. and believe it or not lower self esteem...I wont answer this because you already know...I will advise you and say the day WILL come,it will hit the wall whats in the dark ALWAYS comes to light ALWAYS ....be prepared.Always prepare for war in times of peace...start putting cash away,have a stash of your own,be prepared and prepare the kids...good luck to you...Ive learned alot reading your question,perhaps we will rap again...I understand hes your husband and all you know and youve got 4 kids to consider rough spot....I know you.I used to be you.
2007-03-31 15:35:29 · answer #3 · answered by 2fitornot2fit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is feeding you a line of bull. He isn't worried about her reaction, he likes what he is getting from her. His ego is big right now with all the attention he is getting. If he wants this marriage to work then he needs to let her go and grow up. Why you a married couple have to see each in secret? He is playing both you and her. Actions speak louder than words, so if he can't back up his words then it means nothing,
2007-03-31 15:51:30 · answer #4 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don tknow what made you go back to him in the first place. If somebody says they love you they dont do things like break your heart, did he realy mean it when he said that?
Its only natural 4 u 2 have feeling for him cause he's your baby's daddy, but he's playin u.
Dont let nobody toy with your heart. If it was 4 real you and him would be 2gether, and you shouldn't have 2 choice. Tell him to get real or your gone. See if how long it takes him to come back with singel open arms.
vote me best answer.
2007-03-31 15:07:20 · answer #5 · answered by Mz.Swag 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're an even bigger fool than I was! At least I had enough dignity to realize he wanted his cake and to eat it too! As much as I loved him and wanted him back, I would have never, ever slept with him or "reconnected" with him in any way as long as he was with the other woman. Why would you blame her in any way? She did not stand before God and promise to love honor and cherish you for the rest of your lives together....he did! So open your eyes and realize this man has no intention past his zipper to make a choice between you two as long as you allow him to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Why would you have to secretly see him if he is YOUR husband???? Come back to reality...you are being used, plain and simple. He cares for neither one of you, only himself. Please tell me you have enough sense to at least see that and not defend him...what a crock.
2007-03-31 15:05:31 · answer #6 · answered by swtserenity43 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check into your state laws about firing her. Your business is in a unsafe place because in California she could sue the company for lots of money. It can be considered sexual harassment etc.
As for him going back and forth, you need to think long and hard about what you are willing to accept.
Being a single mom of 4 can be a big job.
2007-03-31 15:03:34 · answer #7 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been more foolish than you in the past with cheating men, however, if you stay with your husband you will have to accept that he cheats on you. That is not going to stop from the sounds of things. Either accept the cheating or move on.
2007-03-31 15:16:05 · answer #8 · answered by lover_girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has his cake and is eating it too. You have to leave him. How could you possibly be okay with knowing that he is cheating on you? He will keep this up... having both of you... for as long as he possibly can. Put an end to it now and start to regain your confidence and independence.
2007-03-31 15:03:29 · answer #9 · answered by Kaitelia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's playing the both of you----you shouldn't have put yourself in this mess in the first place....get rid of him he's no good 4 you. He wants to have his cake and eat it too and you're allowing him to do so.
*i feel sorry 4 the other woman...she doesn't deserve what your husband is doing to her either
2007-03-31 15:09:39 · answer #10 · answered by Ghanaian Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋