OMG. Iv'e just found out my b.f has been cheating after 15 years, what do I do?

Question

He stayed out last night and took a matress with him in his van and when I went to get it out I found 2 sleeping bags 4 pillows alchohol and a hand massager ( which he tells me he was using on his shoulder) he has gone to work now and wont talk. What do I do?

I cant do this life anymore.

Answer 1

Face him with your suspicions. If he still won't talk about it, then move out.

Answer 2

You need to give yourself time to process this. 15 years is a long time to be in a relationship. Are there any children? If so, you will always be connected to him in some way because of them. If not, you need to think about your relationship. When did you first notice a change in his night behavior? Is this the first time he didn't come home?

For now, find someplace relaxing. If you are unable to relax at home, go to a friend's house or somewhere. Wait for him to come home from work so that he can be given a chance to explain. The waiting is the toughest part, but it will be worth it. When he gets home, make sure you are there. Don't yell or scream at him or he really won't talk. If he sees you are calm, he is more likely to sit and talk with you. Be ready, though, it sounds like he may be seeing someone else, and he may reveal this to you. Just being ready for him to say that will ease the pain a little.

If you want to stay in this relationship and work it out, suggest going to counseling. Tell him how much you love him and are there for him, but you need to know where you stand in all of this. If he is seeing someone else, does not want to stop, and refuses therapy, and you have no kids, get ready to pack your bags and leave.

Answer 3

First of all, why don't you ask him why did he have all that stuff in the van.

One thing I want to point out, even though if he has cheated and you have been with him for 15 years or so, I really don't think he was 'ever committed' to you in the first place. Why? Because for being with someone that long, you would figure he would have asked you to marry him already, but he hasn't. So, you were most likely being used by him for just the sex and nothing more. Again, there was no commitment to begin with!

I really think you are just wasting your time with someone like him. This shouldn't be the kind of guy you want to marry. Time to move on with your life and use better judgment and choose wisely next time.

Answer 4

This is a definite red flag--he's messing around, disrespecting you and no doubt he is lying to you. He could have been doing this for some time now. If he won't talk to you then he is definitely
guilty. You do NOT deserve this treatment--I would get out NOW. Also, I would get tested for any STDs...you never know who he has been with. I know this is devastating especially after 15 years. Don't waste your time and life on this person--there is definitely someone out there who will treat you like gold. He will get his sometime in life--what goes around comes around. Take care and good luck!!

Answer 5

15 years is along time but not a lifetime.Kick his butt to to the curb and never look back.No woman or man deserves this treatment.You will find true love out their.There is somebody right for you but this guy isn't it.Who knows how long this has been happening.Please get rid of him.I know you love him and blah blah blah but he will say I will never do it again and I'm so sorry I did this to you.A tiger will not change his stripes and neither will he.There is something he needs that he is not getting from you.Send him on his merry way and hope that the door don't hit him in the ass on the way out.

Answer 6

Cheating is always wrong.

But when one partner starts cheating, out of the blue, after 15 years of monogamy, that's a definite red flag of something that has gone dysfunctional in the relationship.

If you want to save your relationship, get counselling.

Answer 7

First of all, why are you with a man that for 15 yrs. has NOT made a commitment to you? Why aren't you MARRIED?
Secondly...if he CHEATED on you, you should definately
LEAVE him. You need time to yourself in order to figure out
if this relationship is even worth SAVING! I would be packing
my things and moving out asap. If for some reason you decide you still want someone who WILL CHEAT AGAIN, you can move back in later, he may even help IF HE ISN'T BUSY CHEATING!

Answer 8

first u need to know if u could forgive him if he wanted forgiveness, but chances are if the man won't talk or be honest, he is just going to continue what he is doing. doesn't matter how many years your with them, if someone they want to be with comes along, they will go if their belief system, and morals are not what they should be. if your not married to him, neither of u are bound by anything, even married it doesn't matter to some. personally i would not be able to go back into something like this, as the relationship now has no trust, and the feelings u once felt for him may no longer still be there. u need to confront him, than decide what u need to do basing it on his response.

Answer 9

If it's your house, put the rest of his stuff out on the lawn in a neat pile...or if neatness isn't your thing, any old pile will do.

If it is his house, call U-haul, or Ryder, and ask about a truck. If you stay, you are condoning what he has done, and what he will do in the future.

Answer 10

you just found out? How often does he take a mattress with him? Hmm sounds like a whole lot of cheating going on, get yourself tested for diseases and then decide what to do

Answer 11

You find out who that woman was and THANK HER! FIFTEEN YEARS AND HE'S STILL JUST YOUR BOYFRIEND? Matress in a VAN?
Definitely thank that woman and ask her when you can drop off his things to her place.