My husband is extremely confusing me! Tell me what you think?

Question

I have been married for almost 2 years now. Until recently I thought that everything was OK. We have 3 children and expecting another due in August. He started a new job around September of 06 and ever since he has just completely changed. We found out that I was pregnant in December and right after that he just doesn't seem to care about me or our children. He goes out after work and doesn't come home until the next day in the early afternoon. He claims that he stays with a friend named John from work. His car has been broke down since October and he has been using mine, so therefore I am stuck at home with 3 kids and pregnant, and he could seem to care less. There have been nights when i have asked him to grab stuff for the kids on his way home because i couldn't go to get them, and he still would not come home. He says that there is no one else but its kind of hard to believe, especially since this has all happened so quickly. I just don't know what to do. My marriage has

has completely fallen apart in a matter of 4 months. He tells me it's not me and that it's not the kids. He says that he's confused, I don't understand what he is confused about at all. It seems like he expects me to be ok with the fact that he just doesn't come home and goes out to the bar after work. Everything seemed to be ok until we found out that i was pregnant. It's seems like he is back in his teenage years of being a single man again. I just know what to do, any advice on this would be helpful.

Answer 1

After 2 years of marriage he is confused? You say he was alright up until you found you were pregnant in December, so was he happy when you told him or did he say anything at the time to make you think he didn't want this child? Such a big turn around for someone in such a short amount of time. He is not being honest with you and that is for sure. He needs to grow up and tell you what is bothering him. Staying away from home isn't good and he needs to come home every night, what if something should happen and you need to take one of the kids to the doctor. This needs to be brought out in the open and talked about so you know where you stand in this marriage. He knows where he is in this relationship. I wish you luck

Answer 2

It's seems like he is back in his teenage years of being a single man again.< think you hit the nail on the head. you did not mention age but thats of no big issue. being a man, it is easy to look twice and a third time at some other woman. the real man can is able to look and appreciate but remembers his obligation to his family. bar hopping will not clear up any confusion, just makes it worse. If I were you I would start to plan life with out him. sounds like thats the prudent thng to do. it could turn around and I hope for you and the kids it does. be prepared.

Answer 3

I think he is concerned with how to support a family of 6. It sounds like he is the sole provider financially in your family. He started a new job and then found out you were pregnant with #4 and he is still driving your car?? To me, that means there is not enough $$ to fix his. Could it be possible that on the nights he doesn't come home that he is working a 2nd job and doesn't want to tell you b/c he fears he will look like a failure in your eyes?? It happened to a friend of mine. Her husband, then b/f took a part-time graveyard shift of a second job so he could buy the engagement ring that he knew she wanted from previous visits to the jewelers. She of course was convinced he was cheating and was just short of leaving him when he finally was able to buy the ring of her dreams and propose to her. She put him thru hell with all of her accusations during that time. If I was him, I would have said forget it and left her, she was that cruel, but he loved her and took the abuse in order to make her happy. Your hubby probably feels bad that he doesn't have the money to fix his car and now on top of that he has to worry about another child to feed and clothe. You need to tell him how you feel and let him know his efforts are appreciated and that you know that things will improve and come up with solutions together so you can both be happy. He could be cheating, but I'm just saying don't be so quick to jump to conclusions, you have a young family to think of.

Answer 4

I am reaaaally sorry to hear this, it is a difficult situation. I think you must tell him frankly that you cant accept this. You must try to convince him to change and come home, but if it goes on I think you must somehow follow him or talk to his friend or go to his work place to find out truth. I know it may sound like spying, but knowing truth is much better than staying in this situation. To be honest I would think that he is with another woman, I think only a woman could make his attention go away from kids and wife. But no matter what if he is with another woman or it still goes on like this I would think you better divorce rather than living in this situation forever.

Answer 5

He might be cheating and you need to prepare yourself for that. BUT - even if he is telling you the truth, this is still wrong - a man belongs at home with his family! Why is he choosing John over you and the kids? Why does he not want to participate in his family life? You need rock solid answers to these questions. Do not be on the defensive...tell him his family needs him!!

Answer 6

Hey Hun,
The harsh truth is that it is possible that he is having an affair. If I were you I would start to follow him and see where he goes. Maybe check his phone bills of his cell phone or have someone follow him. If you catch him confront him and move on. You gotta get to the bottom of this take some acction and tell him how u feel.

Answer 7

I am sorry , it must be really hard for you especially in your condition . I really feel for you .
But i am being honest about my opinion . I think he has someone else- definitely , it happened quickly ,he stays nights out , it sounds very typical for many blokes who don't want too much responsibility in their life .
I would confront him and get him to to choose which way he wants to go , it is not fair on you or your kids , he just takes you for an idiot.
It is hard for you in any case , but i think it would be easier to know the truth and sort things out then live in suspicion swallowing his pathetic lies .
You need to sort out your and your kids life .

Answer 8

Well i think u should try to talk to him open,tell him how do u feel and explain him your situation and demand honest answers from him,if that do not work,u can try contact some of his family or friends and ask them for help or u can ask your friends or family to help u to found out what is going on with him...

Answer 9

well first thing first. you should see 3rd party with him. Sounds like he is depressed and unhappy with something. were all these kids planned? if not, maybe he is unhappy with his decision to have so many kids. Life is heard financially maybe?
in any event, you guys need to work through it as best as possible. After this on though, No more kids!

Answer 10

I guess you are pretty dumb, and he's lucky that you are. If you had any brains, you'd know he was cheating. I guess you are making excuses for him, like most women do. So keep getting cheated on, bring more unwanted children in the world, and therefore, the rest of the working people can continue to support people like you. Thanks.