For personal reasons I have decided that I can't be that type of person anymore, but I have already lost her trust, and nearly everything else that made us who we were.
2007-03-31 09:04:26 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Right now, she needs your priority every waking moment, especially if you have kids.
First and foremost, you need to do a gut check and really be honest with yourself why you did what you did. If you don’t do that and don’t deal with the issues that lead you astray, then your marriage is doomed. Counseling may or may not help, but Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura is a MUST READ for both of you.
This issue will come up over and over again for a while. During those times when she’s feeling insecure, you need to stop what you are doing, turn off the TV, take her by the hand, stair into her eyes, apologize like crazy and tell her how sorry you are. You must be active in taking steps to regain her trust. As others have correctly pointed out, be up front with everything you doing…answer you cell phone right away…call her to tell you love her…be emotionally available.
Criolla80s advice is wise. As part of the healing process, one thing a lot of couples overlook is their “love languages”. I am more into physical affection whereas my wife prefers words and deeds. You need to learn how your wife wants you to show your love to her, not how YOU want to show it to her and she should do the same for you. If I feel loved with a hug and a kiss, I don’t want a love note. But if you wife wants a love note, you better figure that out and give it to her.
Perhaps most importantly, you need to get spiritually centered. Find yourself a local church that teaches the Bible. The closer that you both are to God, the close you will be together.
You can find the Dr. Laura book at most book stores. I’ve posted a couple of links below to help you find a church and the book on love languages. Drop me a line if you want to talk.
2007-04-01 14:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by Carl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man I can't begin to tell you how much you f#cked up! Restoring her trust is the only way. Her love is something that you probably haven't loosed, YET!
Just get some marriage counseling and maybe things night work out but I PROMISE you this is not going to be easy.
I mean come one man you love your wife right then why the hell did you do it? You have to love her to want her now so what was wrong then?
Man for her sake I hope that you treat her good. Because in my eyes you are guilty till pr oven innocent. With you the first time is the hardest maybe you might choose to do it again.
You are such a dick!
What did that other woman have that was better then her? It couldn't be that could because you are back begging like a dog!
2007-03-31 09:28:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You bet you can. Good for you for stepping up.
You will almost have to get some marriage counseling. If she is willing to try, you are going to have to let her go through whatever she has to go through to get over it and to trust you again. This is only if you are really going to change. No wishy washy riding the fence crap here. Either you are 100% serious about it or not. No one deserves that kind of pain, except maybe people who cheat. Give it your best shot and be totally honest with yourselves and eachother. Dr. Phil says that if there is still anger in a relationship, then there are enough emotions left to salvage something. If she just doesn't really care anymore, then it is probably not going to work. Anyway, good luck.
2007-03-31 09:35:40 · answer #3 · answered by Yomi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deep down, you neither truly love her or respect her, or you would not have cheated. It's just that simple. She may forgive you, but she will never forget what you did. I think you should let her move on and start a new life with a man who values her and loves her 100% of the time. You know things can never be the same, because when she lies in your arms at night, she'll always wonder who you are thinking of. Let her go.
2007-03-31 10:42:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheat is another word for end,cheating is something you really can't forgive in your heart and you sure can't for get it,you might try and work it out for awhile but it will end soon because it will keep coming up and eating away at your wife,cheating is one of the lowest things you can do to a lover wife b/f g/f you can do almost anything else and it will blow over but not cheating.
2007-03-31 09:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you really need to make sure that you are done with your cheating ways and plan to be a changed man.
Once you are sure, then you need to work on re-building your woman's trust in you.
#1. Be reachable when you are out (answer cell and return calls quickly when you miss her calls)
#2. Spend more time with her. Take her out and make her feel special by concentrating on her only every once in a while.
#3. Give her no reason to mistrust you or second guess her feelings for you.
Then, it just takes time and patience. You might find yourself apologizing over and over again for this mistake. It is something she will eventually forgive you for but will never forget.
2007-03-31 09:38:34 · answer #6 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible but as you may already know it will take a lot of work to get through this "for better or worse" phase in your marriage. Your marriage will never be the same but you both can work on it to make it better than ever before. Goodluck. In case you don't already have him in your life; God is powerful and having him in your life and marriage can only make it better. I hope she forgives you and don't you ever cheat on her again!!!!!
2007-03-31 10:14:37 · answer #7 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very possible that you could go to a marriage councilor and save your marriage. but things will never be the same again, whatever you do, even after 10 or 20 years she wont be able to forget what you did.. her trust will never be completely back again.
2007-03-31 09:15:08 · answer #8 · answered by mograbi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is hard for me to answer. I've been on the otherside of the fence. I have to say that yes, you can save it. But, it's going to take ALOT of work. There must be 100% openness and honesty. Not even little white lies. Get counseling and be prepared to work alot to regain her trust in you. On another note... don't f#ck it up again. Be faithful and prove your love. If you have any thoughts of doing this again... you need to just get out (or be insanely honest about it BEFORE it happens). I've had my heart crushed for the second time and I wanted to die. Don't do that to her.
2007-03-31 09:34:20 · answer #9 · answered by Reverend Jank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to realize that you will have to start over from the beginning. You need to show remorse and agree to counseling so that she will know you are serious about making your marriage work and willing to work at it. You need to "court" her again, too. Take her out, buy her flowers, jewelry and perfume, and treat her like the love of your life. Then, you need to be really patient. It will take time for her to learn to trust you since you betrayed the trust she had for you in the beginning. If you are sincere and she sees that, she will eventually learn to trust you again. But you will have to be really good about telling her where you are going, who you are with, etc., etc. and realize that YOU destroyed the trust she had, and only YOU can build that trust again. Ask her to forgive you and find a marriage counselor to help you both.
2007-03-31 09:19:26 · answer #10 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋