How can I be there for him when I'm terrified and falling apart myself?

Question

We just found out my 32 yr old husband has acute myloid leukaemia and I'm absolutely terrified.I lost my best friend and sister to cancer and I don't know if I can do this again.How can you stay strong for someone through something like this when all you can think about is that you're going to lose them?Please don't tell me to pray as I've stopped believing in God a long time ago.

He will be undergoing treatment,we're not giving up and neither are his doctors.

Answer 1

All you can do is share everyday with him like it is his last. Say and do everything that you have always wanted so you have no regrets later. You cant stop it, all you can do is try to make it as good as possible. I lost my husband when he was 39, I was 23, we were married for 5 years. He was sick for 4.5 of those 5. My mother has been going through it with my dad for 12 years, brain cancer. It is hard and the most frightening thing you can live with. My heart goes out to you, I know you have lost your faith, but pray anyway. You never know when it will be answered. Stay strong for him and with him, and when you fall apart remember you have to put the peices back together over and over again. I am so sorry for you.

Answer 2

Your husband has a better prognosis due to his age. Leukemia is a commonly treated cancer. Once he is past his second year, and in remission, his prospects are very good.

So you have the next two years to battle.

Do go for a second opinion no matter what.

Then start nutritional support. Your husband suffers from anemia. Ask the doctor if an iron supplement would be appropriate. Ask about doing a one-time detox, where you pick up a bottle of DeTox at like, Wal-Mart,or GNC and go on a liquid to soft diet and let the body dump toxins. You can research this online.

Your husband's immune system has been compromised. Laughter boosts the immune system. Watch comedies regularly. He needs to laugh.

He also needs to sleep. He should rest whenever he feels the need as the body heals during sleep. (10 years after beating a stage 4 tumor, I still sleep 8-10 hours a night.)

Then, start a highly nutritious diet which includes broccoli, garlic and blueberries. Daily if possible. Research nutrition support. Drink water and juices to flush the kidneys and lay off the soda pop.

Ask your doctor: Vitamin C, 3 doses, 1000 milligrams each dose daily. (you can break this up if it causes stomach upset, as the body dumps C, it is not stored. C is the most powerful cancer fighter found, beyond everything else they have developed.) Pau d' Arco, an herb with anitbiotic properties, follow instructions on the bottle. A multi vitamin daily. Ask about the iron and detox, too.

You guys have very good odds, and you have each other. Let the past go and look forward to a future. You need to go to the gym and lift weights for stress relief. It is huge. It helps with your physical and mental stress so much. Or buy some weights and work out a bit at home. Do this for you, as you will be key to his recovery. Stay well.

Last, even if you are not praying, Science has shown that prayer eases distress with diseases. Ask your local church to put you both on a prayer chain. Cover all your bases, girl, it's gonna be ok.

Answer 3

Be there for your husband no matter whet. He needs you now more then ever. You have to do this again as he is your husband and you would want him to be there for you if you were sick. Live each day and moment to the fullest with him and do fun and positive with him. Treat and love him the way you would if this was the last day on earth for both of you. Take lots of pics for memories and build lots of good and positive and happy memories with him now. Why have you stopped believing in God a long time ago? Why do you feel that you cannot go to God with this if i may ask?

Answer 4

No I won't tell you to pray. What I will say is I sense you are focusing on how you are going to get through. Imagine being in your husband's shoes. I can not wrap my mind around the thought of what a person goes through in his situation. I think until you are in that position yourself it is unfathomable. You have no choice regarding going through it again. How lucky are you to have had love in your life however long. Granted you need support in this to, but prepare your attitude for receiving. Take one step at a time. You have no way of knowing how this will end, until then take care of yourself and embrace your challenge. It will serve you well. Giving up will not.

Answer 5

First, you have to put him before you. You have been through this before and know the possible outcomes. He may get through this. He can recover. My aunt had cancer and the doctors said she'd never make it. Here we are 4 years later and she is cancer free. She had many surgeries, all hard on her and the family. But here we are, they all worked out.
Maybe you could talk to a therapist. Someone who works closley with the hospital. There is hope. Hold onto that and try not to fall apart for your husbands sake. If he sees you giving up on him and falling apart, he may do the same and stop fighting to live through it. Family support is the key to keeping his spirits up and going through all he needs too.
You can do it, he needs you.
Good luck to you both, I know it's hard.

Answer 6

Not everything happening in our life can be comprehended and this is a bad luck no doubt that hitted you. If you dont believe in grand design then you probably do in the randomness of event. You may already know there are a lot of people in your situation and you can be role model for them. Try as much as you can to gather yourself and play your role strongly. If you can fight it its not only for you and even if you loose, you are not the only one.

Not all similar startings has similar ending. So you wont have to loose your husband, believe in that.

Praying still is a good one, it works good for me and I had passed through 'no-believe in god' phase myself and troubles taught me how to believe and its really easier than so many other things.

Answer 7

Right now, you are thinking about yourself. If you pause a while and start thinking about the anxiety of your 32 yr old husband - knowing that his illness is terminal - his fear might be beyond your own imagination! Would you like to make him feel better by just being with him, at his side, available to serve him while he lives? By doing so, you'll make his anxiety and fears lesser. You'll make him confident in facing the ordeal of his sickness, which he never asked to have. Try to make the best of your time at his service while he is alive and you'll realize that your joy will be doubled. Your own fears will be lesser too because first of all you've made somebody close to you stronger and confident in this short life of ours.

Remember, nothing in this world last forever. We are just here temporarily. Let's make the best of it then! I am united with you in your feelings about your husband and about yourself.

Answer 8

May I suggest contacting your local Hospice - ask your doctor or call any hospital or rest home - they also might be listed in the phone book. These are highly trained, compassionate people, who really do help and support your entire family. They really are great, I highly recommend you check in to it. Did I mention they are volunteers too? Won't cost you a thing, and will help you all immensely. I wish you all peace.

Answer 9

I agree with Kim. And you need to find a way to take care of yourself first or there won't be anyone there to take care of him. Please find some sort of support group to meet with and talk to. Feeling alone in a crisis is the worst. Have a list of people to call who are willing to listen to you. You need a way to release the pressure, and talking it out helps... and you have people here who will listen (read) and respond.

Answer 10

Cry with him until you both get it out in the open. Then get busy looking for treatments. And keep busy. There are treatment options available for almost every disease. I hope you are lucky enough to find one.