After bearing lot of things from him, even his physical assaults. he still feels that he is right?

Question

If it was just me, I would have decided very quickly, but now every decision I take affects my daughter who is 1 and half months old..Something does not work for me and him.I think we don’t trust each other anymore.There was this bleach in the trust when he shouted at me and mishandled and beat me for the first time. But, I tried covering it up and still was hoping that everything would go right.I always share my feelings with him and let him know that we need to enjoy the life we have together and put aside any differences.. but it makes not effect on him..Probably, he began to think that I am a ‘Shani’/’’Bad luck’ or some sort of scapegoat where he can show anger always on..I am still ok to become the scapegoat, provided that he responds to my sorrow and can express his affection on me. He does not feel anything even when I am in sorrow and has been very indifferent to me.He dragged me out of the door yesterday and locked all the doors He absolutely does not believe in the necessity

It is him that initiates the foul lanaguage and he feels that he can scare me always by telling that he will divorce me and snatch my daughter away.. In laws have not been very helpful.. it seems his father used to be like that before. short tempered and does not think.. before they do any action...but I donot have anything against him as I am not living with them..Mother In law feels that all of this is happening because of my bad luck which she is tried to prove by showing my horoscope to a astrologer..
My parents have been supportive of me..actually my daughter is with them.. as before.. something like this happened and he beat me up and I got a dark eye..I pursued him that we both need to go to couseling.. by trying to convince him.. he came for the first time reluctantly and then he did not want to come even though it was free..
I try to do everything he tells me.. but suddenly sometimes if tell him or try to tell something that he does not like..he acts this way..

Answer 1

Definitely he not right but even though for all his misbehavior you have to think hundred times before you take any legal action against him. I can very well suggest you the latest the protection of women from domestic violence Act, 2005 & ask you to move the court or the protection officer for taking protection order against him but I will not do so as I know you have a very small baby with you who requires all your care at the moment which you can provide when your are absolutely mentally normal, after indulging in legal battle you will have more mental imbalance & you wont be able to look after your baby properly. Just relax, if need be take a small vacation to your parents home, things will cool down & every thing will become normal after some time. He will himself realize all wrong he has done to you & will feel apologetic for his misbehavior.

Answer 2

Why are you still with this man!!Nobody deserves to be physically abused.The first time you are physically abused is the time to leave.You need to think about not just your safety but more importantly your daughters safety and well being.Trust is everything in a relationship/marriage without trust you have nothing and you already said that you don't trust eachother so what do you have NOTHING.All you have is an abusive man and thing's will only get worse.You need to take your daughter and leave.File the proper paperwork with the courts and make sure that he pay's child support and fulfills his obligations as the other parent.You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and nobody has the right to ever abuse you.You need to have more respect for yourself.You are still young and you will meet the right man that will also love your daughter but this (man) and I use the term lightly he is not the one for you.A real man does not hit women he is nothing more then a coward.Do not stay with him just because you have a child with him that is all the more reason to leave do you want your daughter to grow up in that kind of environment.Good Luck to you.

Answer 3

Get out. Now. Your child is being damaged and so are you.

The only way that people change their compulsed behaviour is when, totally alone, they confront the fact that they've hit rock bottom (any alcoholic or similar will tell you that - and the same applies to him). So he may or may not change, but he won't change when you keep playing along with his games.

You are caught in a classic triangle of 'victim - rescuer - persecutor' in which the two of you keep swapping these roles between you. The only way that you can break this triangle is by leaving it. What will happen then can't be predicted, but it will be a thousand times better than remaining in this situation where you are 'content to be a scapegoat' provided that he feeds you sufficient crumbs of feigned affection to keep you there under his thumb.

If you can't do it for your own sake do it for the sake of the child, who deserves better than this, before she is scarred for life (and so are you).

Answer 4

It sounds like what you are asking for is Respect.

A marrriage tolerates a lot of things, but it is not a marriage if there is no respect. Respect allows for trust ,and Respect and Trust make a friendship with intimate bonds.

Your daughter has a right to grow up in a home without fear. How is it right that a child must live in fear for her own mother's safety?

Your man is behaving according to an image he grew up with. He believes his behaviors are appropriate. They are not, and he has breached trust with the person who is supposed to be his best, closest support, his life partner. Either he can come to see this or he can not.

Now you will have to make decisions that affect your child. Speak with women who care about you two. Your mother, his mother, your sister, his sister. Consider what they have to say and then make decisions.

Do be very clear with him about your intention to be treated with common decency, and remind him that you are willing to make the marriage work. Know what the consequences for inapppropriate behaviors will be. (You sleep over at Mom's when he is home, or you have another person present in the home when you are going to be alone with him. Make arrangements for neighbors to call a family member to come to your house if you get locked out of the house or they hear violence in your home. Ask family members to pop in if they are out and he is home. ) If he is too ashamed to abuse you in front of other people then maybe he will begin to see how it is wrong. Other people don't respect abusers. He shouldn't appreciate being seen in that light. Maybe he can learn to treat himself with some Respect, and then he can share the feeling with you.

Answer 5

First of all he will never change. How he is right now is how he will be towards you forever if not worse.

Second, the physical abuse will only get worse until you decide that you and your daughter are worth a better life and get the heck out.

He is a narcissist and you will be his doormat until YOU decide to change. Forget about trying to change him.

Seek out professional help for your sake and the sake of your daughter. If you stay you will be teaching your daughter how to behave around men and what is acceptable. She will seek out relationships that mirror yours. The very best thing you can do for your daughter is to get healthy yourself.

I know it is tough, but there really aren't any other options.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Sweetheart you are in a bad situation, I want to tell you to pack up your baby and get out of there without looking back. I have been where you are, same scenario and I went back numerous times for it only be okay for a few months and then I was his punching bag. Never was there any responsibility taken on his part for the terror, the assault or admission of wrong doing. We also have a daughter together and it did not matter that she was there. Please, do yourself a big favor and a bigger one for your child and get out, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.....Be safe and know that there is help available for you and your new baby. Good luck to you!

Answer 7

If what you say is true and not much exaggerated, I feel sorry for you and it is high time you leave him once for all.

I have known a few similar couples and no solution till date and their spouses still suffer. Therefore, have some guts and retaliate or leave him and live alone some years and see if any good changes take place. Good luck.

Answer 8

Stop being a door mat to this animal. Kick him in the a s s the next time he displays his valour on you and leave him for good. Soon enough he will realise, what life is without a wife and kid and what shani actually is.

Answer 9

you have mentioned it in your question that his father was like that........ i personally have found materials in several places stating that a man learns to respect a woman the same way that his father did........so it probably seems to be imbibed in his mind that it ( fighting )is the way that every couple live their life and it is perfectly normal.
besides he takes the armour of anger to hide his insecurity.......being ridiculed for a long time for his physical or financial or mental capabilities
westerners may find divorce the only escape.......but then no man is perfect.......so understand the situation.......i know that by now your self esteem would have become so low...........engage in things that consoles your mind, talk with good friends,pray and if you feel that it becomes absolutely ( mentally )impossible to continue.....take faith in god and leave

Answer 10

I believe he has a mental disorder - and you are an enabler - you have a baby to think about - it's not right to raise her in that disfunction - If he's your husband, get a divorce - if it's a boyfriend, leave!! Muster up some self respect - find some people who will support you and go!! Think of your daughter, she doesn't have a chance if you don't.