Looking for some help- the man played me for 2 1/2 years?

Question

I am 35- he is 55- we were best friends then had a relationship. He had a big crush on me at first- as in "you made me feel again"- but I was fresh out of a relationship and was very slow to react- he hung in there and I did eventually come around and fell in love- then he suddenly bolted- he accepted a date with someone else- THEN broke up with me- instead of breaking up first- then accepting a date. Now I am being played- as in he's making me seem like I am wrong (I did call him a mean name- so I do have guilt) But I just put it all together- he wasn't honest - ugh- he once cheated on his wife- many many years ago-once a cheater always a cheater? How do I move on? You'd think at 35 I'd know but it just stinks when it happens again- I am not perfect but now neither is he- I am begging him for friendship- need words of encouragement- cause I know better- we will never go back to what we had- oh - what does it get harder?

I want to call him and tell him off but I know I will regret it in case we can be friends again- should I speak my mind?

Thank you guys- I thought I would be belittled- but you guys are all right!

Answer 1

In my opinion, the less said the better. It feels good to "speak your mind", but often times, it comes back to haunt you later on. I know you're hurting, but pick up the pieces, and move on. There's a good guy out there, that will be upfront and honest with you. At 35, you have your whole life to look forward to....get busy LIVING it! Good Luck!!

Answer 2

This is difficult at any age. I suppose you need to figure out what you really want. Would the benefits of being friends with him out-weigh the pain you will feel every time you get together with him? And, realistically, will he hang around to just be friends or will he want to be "friends with benefits?"

And, if you are "begging" him to be friends with you, aren't you giving away too much of your power? You must have some good qualities, or he would not have been around you for these years. I realize your self-esteem has taken a hit, but don't compromise yourself with a guy that will keep "playing" you if you let him. Have you murdered anyone? Do you deserve a life sentence of feeling less than?

Good luck. May love find you and give you all the good things you deserve as a good human being.

Answer 3

Yes,I think you should talk to him openly and tell him everything that you feel.Not crying,not using hard words,be a lady and turn your back on him.Stay friends for what? Why would be friend with a person who did you so wrong? Why are you afraid of speaking your mind freely?you already lost him,which may mean a great win for you,on the long run....If I were you,I would just let him go for good,I wouldn`t stay friend and I would try to keep my mind and my time busy with work,family and friends.It may be hard but I think it would be harder to continue this compromise,which I don`t think is healthy for your mind.So hang in there and move on,it`s all you have to do! But MOVE ON,don`t come back. When you`re ill,you try to cut the pain,not prolonge it! So be strong and good luck

Answer 4

First off, he is 55, there isn't anything you can call him that he hasn't been called before. Additionally, when you're upset you're allowed to say things you wouldn't typically say and to apologize for them when things calm down. You've been in enough relationships to grasp that. So you certainly shouldn't feel guilty for whatever you called him unless it was done continually throughout your relationship.

Further more, the man is a known cheater and hasn't even pretended to care about you, your feelings, or your peace of mind. I understand you want someone to support you and make sense of things. I've been there myself. Yet somewhere beneath all your pain, and all your longing there is the rational you that is fuming pissed. There is the common sense in you begging you to realise you deserve better treatment and that just because this jerk didn't give it to you doesn't mean the rest of your life is hopeless.

You seem to be smart girl, stop begging him for anything. It makes you seem desperate and unattractive. Stop getting involved with adult boys with emotional issues. Go out with friends, make new ones if you don't have any. Find a hobby or 10 to keep yourself busy. The pain fades, and you'll find someone who deserves you.

As far as telling him off. If it'll make you feel better, then go for it. If its just to lash out, and you'll run back begging him to forgive you for what you said, then don't bother.

If you truly want to hurt him, then simply be happy that he's gone. Even if you're miserable, just don't let him see it. Let him see that you're happy and fine without him. That'll hurt a lot worse than any words you could ever say.

Answer 5

The relationship you have just gone through is called one of total infatuation. Look this man is a player, and you have even said this yourself. Let him go, life is too short to put up with this kind of daily drama that goes on in your life. This man does not love you, the only thing he loves about you is the time he had sex with you. That is all. You do not need this mans friendship or anything, the faster you can get away from this man the better off you will be. Walk away and do not even turn your head to look back, really he is not worth the time it takes for you to turn your head and look back. This man is a loser. You have seen this, I see this, now move on.

Answer 6

a leopard never changes it's spots , and he has knowingly entered out of this relationship and into a new one , and.. that is not right , karma will come to visit him (and I dont mean the woman) if I were you I would try and resist calling him, and do not offer him any acceptance for what he has done , hell you are 35 , you arent out of the game yet , and remember that , you are now in the stage where you think that it is because of you he has done what he has done , dont stress it isnt. he is a player , go find someone else , let him play , because later on the only thing he will be playing with is his self. you on the other hand - still are in the game , jump back in to it , and dont look back!

Answer 7

well i don't think you got "played" from the sound of your question he only accepted a date not went out on one before ending it with you. your question was how do i move on? correct? well first off you can't be friends with him, not right away. if you were together for 2.5 years then you should wait at least a year before you attempt some kind of friendship. the best thing for you to do is go out. date, keep busy, find a girlfriend and go out. join a group, pick up some random hobby. but it's not gona help you to contact him. it's just going to reopen the cut.

Answer 8

OK, he's hurt you very badly.

I suggest you withdraw from him for a period of time to
try to figure out what you want. Make a decision and
then STICK WITH IT.

Yes, he might come crawling back, but he gives up
any moral authority when he cheats.

If after a week, you can't forgive him, then move on.
If you're already trying to find ways of forgiving him,
then you basically already have forgiven him and
you need to come up with some way of handling
his philandering while still loving him.

Answer 9

Why continue the association? Doesn't it just mean more pain on your part?
And guilt? Forget it. You've done nothing wrong; he deserved whatever it was you called him.
All he was interested in was the chase; the game; once you were gotten, yawn, it was time for him to move on.
And forget about begging him for anything; he doesn't care about your feelings. My advice is that you move on; leave him behind; find a man who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Free yourself from this looser now.

Answer 10

Why would you even consider being friends with someone that treated you that way.You should have more respect for yourself.You are still young forget about him and move on.Put him completely in your past unless you enjoy being hurt.Don't call him and say anything you need to be the bigger person and walk away I am sure he will cheat and treat his new girlfriend the same way.