He's doing it again......?

Question

I have been with my fiance for nearly 2 years, But at the moment he seems to think that i have been stopping him from talking to his mates and playing games. The thing is most days this week he has been playing games from after tea till we go to bed. Last night he was playing games for 4 hours till gone midnight and today he decided to go online line and play games with his mates and he says when he plays games it for more than 2 or 3 hours, i am due to go to work in 2 hours time. But i have waited 3 weeks to see my fiance for a weekend, we do live together but we are always working and when the other is off. Its not fair surely he could play it while i am at work tonight but instead he is playing it now and dont want disturbing. Is there anything i could do, as i spoke to him about how late/ long he plays them at night and spends playing games. We whent to bed well gone midnight and by the time we got to bed it was gone 1 am. I know i could go to bed without him but i will get woken

up still so it wouldn't matter that much if i did go bed.

What do you think i should do?

I am 18 years old and he is 20 years old i feel like he's not bothered that he dont see me as he feels spending time together is being in the same room. But my idea i actually cuddling up watching a film or something.

He is currently playing his new game command and conquer 3, them sort of games.

Answer 1

tell him that for the benefit of your relationship,,,,,, restrictions need to be set,,,,, then ask him to set aside two night a week,,,,,,, that he will spend with you, and not be online,,,,,, let one of those be a weekend night,,,,,,,,, the other perhaps a weekday if you are home,,,,,,,,,,,, tell him you need for him to do this,,,,,,,,, also ask him if there is something he needs,,, ( a regular thing, outside of something kinky sexually lol, you know how guys are)
explain it as a need of yours, one you expect him to recogize and fill, then plan out the days,,, times,,,,,,,, you could even perhaps set a limit of an hour on weekend nights you are both home,,,,,, he could be online early for an hour, then spend the rest of the night with you,,,,,,,,,,,, this is not much your asking,,,,,,, if he is commited to you then he will do it, if he refuses, you might need to question if he is mature enough to continue to be with,,,,,,, as how is he going to be later in the relationship,, or when /if you have children

Answer 2

I hate to say it, but I think this relationship is pretty much over. It doesn't matter if it is PC games, or football, or drinking in the pub with his mates, he is clearly avoiding you. As he lives in the same house as you, he can't get away from you any other way than using his PC and mates to take up all his time. Sorry, but when I was your age I had a boyfriend I was trying to dump (we'd been together 3 years & were both 19) and when he came round to visit me during the last few months of the relationship I used to hide in my room and get my mum to tell him I was out. Or I'd say I had to do college stuff etc. We were engaged too. Between the ages of 17 - 23 it is the time that our lives & personalities change the most in our whole lifetimes. You are very young (although I bet you don't think you are!) and way too young to commit to what is probably your 1st serious boyfriend. Do you realise that you are talking about spending 40 or 50 years with this person? That's a hell of a long time & no one wants to get divorced really so you have to be sure. Your man seems to have changed and evolved, and grown away from you as he gets older, he needs to be with his mates still and have 'young bloke' fun, whereas you seem to want to build your 40-50 year long nest already. To test whether he really wants you, start to go out with your girlfriends 2-3 nights a week. If he protests you might read that as him still being interested, if not, at least you are not alone when the breakup happens. The big mistake girls make that men don't = for a man, their relationship is never more than 10% of their life, the other 90% is work, family, friends, sports, hobbies etc. For most girls/women = the man is 100% of their life & they collapse if the relationship ends. This is sooooo bad and I see it happening every day. Be smart girl and be wise, and realise that there are loads of guys out there who want to spend time with you, if you will let them. Good luck and please dont' stay in what could end up one day as an abusive relationship (mentally/physically/psychologically)

Answer 3

Oh dear.

This sounds like avoidance tactics to me. This really does sound like a relationship in trouble I'm sorry to say. You have only been together two years, you should be still totally in love and unable to keep your hands off each other and yet he prefers his joystick to you. I think its time for some serious and honest communication.

Invite him out somewhere you can talk - neutral territory is best and definitely away from his toys. You need to tell him how you feel. That you feel unloved, taken for granted. Tell him how precious the time you have together is and how it hurts when he would rather spend it playing games on his own than with you. Ask him to stop before it ruins you relationship. You also need to ask him how he feels, is he avoiding going to bed with you or talking to you? This will be a really difficult conversation but if you are going to spend your life with this person then it is the first difficult conversation of many you will have in the decades to come.

Answer 4

Don't talk, don't make a drama. ACT. Ok, you live with him, even if you don't get to see him so much. He KNOWS you're gonna be there for sure.... if you acted in a way he didn't expect, then he'll chase you, remember, men are natural hunters. So, try to give him more space than what he is implicitly asking for... try to seem a little distant BE STRONG. Go out with your friends, don't tell him at what time you're planning on comming back BUT DON'T DO IT AS A REVENGE. Think of it as giving time to yourself. If you have no friends, caus we, women, tend to set our life aside when we're in love, then go to the movies by yourself, or to a gym or DO SOMETHING YOU LIKE. If you try to talk too seriously abouth this thing, he's gonna close his ears and find you annoying, so don't. Really, try this for a week or two, and don't be there when he asks you to. i mean, not if he's sad or something, but if he goes like "ohh, I don't feel like playing anymore, I'd like some time with you right now" you should say something like "ohh, i already have plans to NOW, but how about friday?" got the idea???
make him chase you.... sorry guys, that's how you work!!!
And if you don't want to get woken, then, tell him VERY KINDLY that you have to work early the next day and that you'll shut the door so he won't wake you up, and that he can sleep later :)
remember
do everything kind, you don't have to please him HE DOES, and if he's not doing it, then YOU PLEASE YOURSELF.
ok?!?!?!?
take care

Answer 5

I hate to sound condescending, but he's 20 years old and that means that he has a lot of growing up to do, hence the video games and lack of companionship on his part.

I am sorry he doesn' t seem to be meeting you where you need him. Perhaps living together for the last two years has not matured him, but rather caused him to sort of get stuck at 18 and for a guy that means he might actually be stuck at 15 or 16.

Answer 6

He is young and taking the fact that he has a relationship for granted. He can't see the value in what he has.
Also, I believe he may have a type of addiction and may need serious help.
I think you should apply shock tactics! As you are at work lots, and as you nag and beg and plaed for him to spend time with you - he feels that he doesn't need to try in the relatinship cos you are doing enough work in it for the both of you!

Pull back! Stop nagging to spend time with you.
Arrange to do things away from home in your spare time!

Don't be there to do his stuff for him! Leave him to it!
be subtle and try and be a bit vague as to your where abouts. Try to care less and to bear in mind that he has a responsibility to the relationship as well as you!

It might take a couple of weeks or more to notice that you are not there! But he will.
Then you can both start to pull together and not apart!
I hope you can give it a go - but what have you got to lose?

Answer 7

Games are very addictive and it's dangerous to play too long. We recently bought a Wii system and they recommend a 10 minute break per hour. They even warn against possible seizures.
Tell him that he has to limit his playing and discuss it with him and come up with an agreeable amount of time. Maybe 2 nights for 2 hours for example. If he would rather play his games than reduce the amount of time he plays, tell him he can snuggle up to his game system when he goes to bed - you're off to look for a person who will pay attention to you.

Answer 8

He is taking you for granted. What you need to do is leave the house when he starts to play a game. If he loves you, eventually he will stop playing when you are there so he can spend quality time with you. If he does not stop playing on your time even after weeks of leaving the house, you must move out.

Answer 9

I personally went through this same exact situation in my life. While my ex and I was still together, I used to be a game addict. I'd play games from day to night, from the end of school till bedtime, and so on, and so on. She started getting tired of it and gave me the ultimatum that sealed our fate: Either video games or me. Being an addict, I said games, and she left me. At first, I wasn't really phased but as time went on, I started to understand what she meant, how much love she tried to put in the relationship, and many other things that would've sprouted a fruitful relationship to this day. I regretted making such a stupid decision and to this day, I still regret it, as well as I've learned my mistake. I've been in a couple other relationships, and I've actually been in the same situation of my ex (where my gf would be the addict instead of me), and my god, did it hurt.

All people aren't like me, I know, but in my opinion, I believe you need to give him the same ultimatum. He's too much of an addict, and if he chooses not to spend quality time with you, then he simply doesn't deserve to have you as his fiance. Life isn't all about playing video games all day long until it comes time to die, it's about living it out to the fullest with whoever it is, whether it's a faithful companion to a loving significant other.

It's either he can spend the rest of his life in your loving arms or the rest of his life fondling his game controller, or whatever, until he finally gets arthritis.

Answer 10

It sounds like he is addicted to whatever game he is playing

I would first make clear to him that you do not want him to stop playing, you just want him to spend more time with you. Then suggest some possible activities you can do together.

Answer 11

yeah girlfriend i know the feeling i am 26 and he is 23 he has gone of games to just sitting outside in the garage listning to music writing bad rap he leaves for work around 8.30 in the morn and gets home around 6 i have four children to him and he dosent even come inside the sounds go on i am left doing the kids and cooking tea when he comes in the kids are usally asleep and im so tired im probable asleep myself i dont think i even get a chance on the weekends but because he is a good man i just smile and think at least he comes home and he pays the rent lol but you know it all comes with maturitty we as woman tend to get that sunk in faster and as men they cant see plane day as he growes he will settel and find out you exsist but trust me after he gets sick of the games theres always somthing else dont feel you cant tell him off thou but also remember he propbably wont listen in 1 ear and out the other or just pull the plug lol it cinda works it makes them angry but at least your message enough is enough comes across loud and clear good luck girl