2007-03-30 17:13:49 · 60 answers · asked by dahlia76 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes you are kick him to the curb
2007-03-30 17:18:30 · answer #1 · answered by dee_ann 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said "is having an affair". Is the affair still going on? Does he know that you know? If the answer is yes to both of these questions then I'd have to say that, although you may not be a stupid person, staying with someone who would hurt you like that is not the brightest idea.
However if the affair is over and he seems to genuinely want to save your marriage than I don't think that is stupid at all. It takes TWO people to make a marriage work so he has to be willing to do his part too. If or when you start to work things out, make sure he understands that second chances are a gift, not a right. I hope that things work out for you.
2007-03-30 20:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by C T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affair, or cheating is only a symptom telling you that there is a problem in your relationship. People cheat because they go outside of the marriage looking for something that they are lacking inside of the marriage. Your marriage can only be saved if he stops the affair completely and immediately, and if you are both willing to talk, and get to the bottom of whatever has caused him to turn to somebody else instead of facing the problem that the two of you are sharing head on. Forgiving is certainly possible, but you are going to have to learn how to live with the fact that you are not going to be able to forget what he has done to you and your relationship. Being in a marriage, in a relationship, and in love is a choice. Your road won't be easy, but it is possible. Do the work that you both need to do, and time will also help to heal the wounds that he has caused you. Get good and angry, don't hold back because you don't want any resentment later on...and communicate your wants, needs and desires for a better, stronger, healthier relationship. Good luck to you both!
2007-03-30 17:47:31 · answer #3 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't believe you are stupid... I mean who wants to put time into a relationship just to see it go down the tubes. Not to mention the fact that you spent time and someone else is reaping the benefits. If he is willing to admit it, go to therapy with you and once you feel sure you have done all you can, then you won't bat an eye if he were to stray again. Guys do affairs for different reasons but most seem to just want the excitement of it, the thrill of not getting caught, or the thrill of being "naughty" so to speak. I am a woman that men I know would love to have an affair with but when they had the chance they didn't want a relationship with me themselves. Then years later admitted they were wrong and oh by the way have you got any "pictures you could send me". I am flattered that at my age they are still interested but irritated that they make it seem like I am only worth cheating with. I am no beauty queen. I merely talk openly about sex, about what I like and don't like and what I am willing to try. There are all kinds of fun ways to bring some excitement back into relationships. Have dates where you pretend to not know each other when you meet at a bar then do what you will in a nearby motel room and go home separately for example. Oh and a friend told me once if you begin roleplaying you must have a safety word and trust each other to stop the scenario if that word is uttered.
2007-03-30 17:23:30 · answer #4 · answered by Susan M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You aren't stupid you are doing something that any woman in love with her husband would do to save her marriage. I would probably do the same. Look this could have damaged some things as in your confidence please don't think that it is you that needs changing.He is the one that needs to change. There is something that needs to work on.
I loved once before and the guy played games with my heart and had affairs with other women. Thank God I was healthy in the end and stayed this way and I met my husband who saved me from it all. When I was in the crazy mix of looking for love that guy hurt me and he made me think that I wasn't good enough or that I was actually worth anything till I met my husband. I thought to give him other chances like a fool holding on hoping that if I did he would still marry me. Yes, we were going to get married till one day he did it again and I left him. Leaving him was a thought that I refused because feared being alone and scared. It gave me power and I didn't change myself I empower and improved on everything about myself. I stopped loving for a while till I learned all over again and painfully all too well.
Take this stupid advice from me, he did it once and he could do it again. The first time is always the hardest.
2007-03-30 17:43:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends. If you have kids and you both decide that you should stay for the sake of the legal bond and commitment you have vowed with each other and the children, then you're not nuts. However, this must be mutual. A relationship must be two-sided. You can't keep on feeding it if everything just spills on the hole at the other end. If he truly loves you, he will be sorry for what he did and try to never do it again. This is then the test for you to give it your best shot in being the strongest woman that you can be, and maybe you will have to keep it that way until the day that you die.
2007-03-30 17:20:22 · answer #6 · answered by kuklaa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not. You care for him deeply. After all both of you steped up to the plate to say the I Do's..... Yes people tend to walk away too quickly from a marriage instead of trying to work it out and see REALLY what the problem is. And why is it happening.. You can tell a player from a person who is cheating for the first time. He isnt a player....There is something HUGE missing, need to find out what it is and see if its possible to correct it.
Does he know you are aware of the affair?... if not tell him you know whats been going on and truly take time to word it carefully and tell him how you feel and what you think the issues or whatever else is on the mind....and listen to him
Do the best you can to try and save it. If it doesnt work out at least you can say you did your best to see his side of it. And fought for the man you love the best way possible.
You know people tend to realize what they have once its gone.
2007-03-30 19:18:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No , you are not stupid at all.. Please neve consider yourself stupid, you are just very much in love and do not want to let go!!! if you think the two of you can work through this (couseling will help) then i say go for it. After all yall did say till death do you part so you sound like you are truly in it for the lng haul honey!!! I actually think you are a hell of a lot stronger and nicer woman than me because i dont know that i could be as sweet as you and try to work things out!!! Marriage is a very Sacred vow!!!!! I commend you for trying to want to work this out with your husband!!! I just really and honestly hope that he has learned a valuable lesson from this and it does not happen again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! May God bless &be with you and your husbad right now and best of luck to both of you!!!!!!! I honestly do hope things work out!!!!
2007-03-30 21:37:12 · answer #8 · answered by littleEfan25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, this is only a question that you can answer for you, but I was in your same situation once and for me it was right to work it out. We had been married for five years when it happened, and contrary to what some believe, not all repeat the mistake. Some do, yes, but not all. He messed up and there were times when I thought I was going mad for getting back with him, but it worked out, at least for another 8 years. Right now, after 13 years, we are separated and not because of him cheating then or again now, totally different reason, but he is my best friend and I love him, and I am glad that we were able to work it out.
Forgiving is up to you, something that I did, but yes, this is something that you will never forget. But don't continue to forgive. If it happens again, don't stay.
2007-03-30 17:24:02 · answer #9 · answered by Baby Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No u are not stupid I am going though it right know My husband been cheating for 3 years off and on. We been together every since i was 16 and now i am 29 and we have 4 kids together. we have been going to counseling, alot of it have to do with watching his father doing the same to his mother. So he figure it was OK as long as he came home to me and love me it was OK. What keep me with my husband is I know he is a good person inside but he make **** up decisions. My husband is a faller and i hate that about him. But right now I am on a thin string with him. I Just try to stay strong but I know once i am fed up i am gone. He is trying but any slip up I am filing for a divorce.
2007-03-30 18:09:43 · answer #10 · answered by Belivia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cheated on first husband and must say I did not care either way if we servived or not!
I would like to say it was my FAULT, and only my fault, he was a good man just not the one I wanted to have sex with!
You must help yourself and come to terms with what he's doing to you and your family if you have one!
He's a Cheat, just like I am and I must say, what ever happens right now must be one your terms ONLY!
I had to grow up and go through another marriage where husband and I went swinging, and finally got rid of him!
Your husband must grow up and take responsibility for his actions!
I will say this once a cheat always a cheat is wrong sometimes, if both people really try they can make marriage work!
Please stay healthy and sane!
2007-03-30 17:22:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋