How can I have more self esteem and stop comparing myself to others?

Question

Hello there,
I will be graduating from medical school in June and will be an intern in July. One of the issues I am currently struggling with is my lack of self confidence. I have found throughout the medical school process, I am finding myself easily discouraged, second guessing myself and comparing myself to others who are smarter than me. It's is annoying and I want to stop, because I feel that I would be a much better doctor if I didnt have this problem. Although I graduated at the top of my class in college and have had no difficulties in med school, I am finding myself thinking that I reached this point in my life by luck. On my current rotation I am constantly comparing myself to the other student who seems to always be at the top of his game. Although the doctor we are working with is praising us greatly, I feel that I don't deserve the praises he gives me. For my patients' sakes, I want to improve, any ideas?

Answer 1

I have to say that Bob T had the best, & most concise answer. What could I possibly add? That you didn't reach this point by "luck?' Surely, you know this. In one of my many careers (!) I came to terms beautifully with what, in my opinion was--I wasn't the best, & I wasn't the worst. I was successful. So--where did that put me on a scale of 1 to 10? & did it really matter? Seems you're doing just fine! So, back to Bob T....

Answer 2

Hello!! Well, it's funny but I was just talking to my husband about becoming a neurosurgeon just for the sake of telling people that I'm a neurosurgeon. It sounds so prestigious.

I WAS in the nursing program. It was very stressful. I struggled through exams. I had 2 D's on those exams and became very depressed. I began to COMPARE myself to my classmates and felt that I was truly stupid. At least I had a reason to belittle myself because of those grades.

As for you, you have no reason to doubt yourself. Many students are competitive and some chose not to reveal their grades to others because of this. To be competitive means to compare and challenge yourself amongst others.

You're just beginning to find out that all the compliments in the world means nothing if you don't agree. Also, ask yourself if you are a perfectionist. If you are striving to be perfect hence comparing yourself to others, you will always feel defeated because you are striving for an unreachable and unrealistic goal.

I am not sure if this is deeply rooted into your characteristic that was part of your upbringing. Did you become a doctor because of parental expectation? Did they always want you to be the best at everything you do? If that is the case, you have been programmed all your life to think this way. The only way to change it is to reprogram your thinking. First by thinking differently by praising yourself. If you keep telling yourself that you're no good, you start to believe it. Keep thinking in your head that you will make a good doctor. Say it over and over again until you believe it. It's amazing how the mind works. Your brain don't know what is fact and what is fiction. You've created this reality...so now fix it.

Answer 3

I had the same issues as you before !
I then realized that "I am what I am " .....I am blessed with things and people in my life that some do not have ! I always look at the little things and i am thankful for the stuff that people take for granted .....eye sight , hearing , being able to hug someone and to love ! There are sooooo many people in the world without parents to encourage , love and support them through their lives , some without food ! So i live my life just being thankful for what i have ! YOU are blessed with an awesome brain , you had the power and confidence to go through ur studies !! That is amazing in it's self !! Be proud of yourself and what u have done , noone is better or smarter than anyone ....and remember that you can only look after YOU !!!! "Everything happens for a reason" !! All the BEST to you !

Answer 4

I would like to recommend that you read "The Desiderata". Internalize it. Make it your "mantra". It is spiritually uplifting without being religious. It will give you a path to overcome any obstacle you wish to. You can find it on line. By the way - as a side note, Med school is no walk in the park. You have already accomplished something great. The Dr. you are working with knows a thing or two about Medicine. If he is praising you it is because his experience is showing him something very good about you. You need to accept this and learn your worth as a person and a physician.

Answer 5

As a person who works in higher education myself, I can tell you that NEARLY ALL grad students believe they only got where they were by chance and that they are just 'faking it' and that it's just a matter of time before people find out who they 'really' are. The truth is that there's no way you could have gotten where you were by accident. Driving a car into a ditch is an accident. Graduating at the top of your class is something you did on purpose.

Like the Christians say: being a child of God means that you are of infinite worth...but no better than anyone else.

Answer 6

This is a challenge for most people. What you can do is to rely on your abilities and to be aware of them. Highlight the things you do best. I know it's a normal trait, but cut down on comparing yourself to others because it means you are allowing your abilities to become overshadowed. Just keep in mind that everyone is different and that the same skills or tasks come out differently for each person. It may sound easier than done, but just try to take these steps and put them into play in your life. Many of us try to better ourselves and go through the process like you are.

Answer 7

This is normal. There is a little self-doubt imp in all of us. Learning to not to focus on it comes with time. It's a self defeating thing that can hold you back if you let it.

Sounds like your an amazing person! Let all that negative slide. I'm sure you know this, but exercises helps oust negative emotions like this.

Answer 8

Do some volunteer work.....for the poor.....in a crappy neighborhood......these people are in survival mode and if you break it down.......past all the medical school and internships you need to work on your survival and self-preservation skills........seeing people in crappy situations and how they deal with life..... reminds you how fortunate and leads you to gratitude.......which is what will lead to to the self- confidence you so badly seek.......remember life is not a race or a contest........its a work of art in which you are the artist......and you are creating everytime you do something

Answer 9

stop comparing yourself.
when you compare to someone who is 'better' than you, you actually belittle yourself in your own opinion. others may see you with great potential but what they say cannot change your own opinion of yourself. only you can do that. go ahead, take a shot at it, i know you can do it. :-)

of course, then again, when you belittle yourself, you only show that you are human. it is not unusual for one to feel a little self doubt at least once in their lifetime. it also shows your own feelings of humility in the comparison of others. this humility rewards you in the end as others see that you do not attract attention to yourself for being what they see as good and they praise you.

Answer 10

I understand where you are coming from. What you describe is not easily fixed. I can only share a quote I read from Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family:"Comparison is the root of self-doubt."