I need help from people in india please?

Question

I live in US (I'm american) with my husband who is Indian. We work VERY hard but r not rich. I love his family very much, but every time I turn around they ask my husband for money. We support his father and brother and pay their mortgage plus all of our expenses here. We can't really afford to keep doing this. My husband has sent so much money over the years extra for his brother to invest. His brother used all of the money on everything else (designer clothes, mobile phone) He never invested. This is causing a problem in my marriage. I think we should stop supporting them to force his brother to work. Why should we work 18 hour days 7 days a week for someone to enjoy when we can't? My husband gets angry with me everytime I bring this up. What should I do? If we continue supporting them as we have been, we will have no savings and not be able to invest for our future and the future of our children.

Answer 1

The real problem we Indian sitting in India is we calculate dollars in rupees i.e. multiply the dollar amount by 45 & say lots of money he has sitting in USA. We forget that for the person sitting in USA the amount is in dollars not in India Rupees. We talk of inflation & unemployment in India but never see the same in USA. I fully agree with you about the financial problem you are facing there & advice you to tell your husband in a clear tone that this nonsense should now stop. I can understand remitting some amount to old parents but financial support for brother is not called for. After all his brother must be grown up & self sufficient now so just stop his financial supports. If your husband can be angry for such matters you can do the same too as you have kids & their future before you, just become strict on this issue & tell him the consequences if he doesn’t stop it now. After all matrimonial laws in US are more simpler & less complicated as in India. Contact me directly for any further guidance.

Answer 2

YES. This is the taboo in INDIAN Culture. The parents or sisters mainly lean over the affectionate son wherever they are. The situation worsens if the son works in US. Your condition is further worse that your inlaws will think that because your husband has married you you have changed him. This is foolish because the indian daughter inlaws are for worse and non supportive. Your condition is touchy.

Here are some tips. Talk with your husband politely that helping his brother should not spoil him. A portion of the money can be invested at US for them which can be given to them during needy time rather than supporting monthly. This will be remembered pleasently. Try these points. Best of luck.

Answer 3

I understand your situation completely. I have friends for whom this was a very big problem. THey came up with a very good solution, I think. Wife was a saver and husband was sending money to India to his parents. Now, wife and husband have agreed that they each get to keep 10% of their salary in their own separate accounts. If she wants to save/invest her money - that is up to her. If she wants to blow it on shoes it is up to her. If he wants to send his share to India - that is up to him but it means he can't buy the new tv or other gadget he might want to buy. He needs to let his family know that he has x amount of money available to them on a monthly basis and that everything else is going to rent and other expenses. It is very hard to be seen as the "successful" son/brother/cousin and then not help out when people ask. It is simply the culture - everyone helps everyone else out in the family. Because someone is in the US working - they are seen as being successful. People in India have no idea how hard Americans work, how expensive life in America is. Perhaps if he just told his family how much his rent is in Rupees they would start to get a better idea about life in the US. On the other had, your husand needs to see the new India. Good jobs are available here in the big cities. His brother needs to go find one.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I can understand your problem. You can't change the attitude of your husband as I know Indian's will not compromise on this topic.
I can only say that you save your own salary, it will surely help you a lot . let it be a joint account or what ever, but saving is very very must ( future depends on you dear lady, at that time no one will help you when you will be in need not even you husband as i know he will repent ).
You can yourself make a difference, and one thing more I want to tell you that a women whether Indian or any other country she has always to be a compromiser but u and i can make a difference.
BEST OF LUCK SAVE YOUR OWN AS YOU ARE A WORKING WOMEN WHY TAKING TENSION CHEER UP.
IF I CAN DO IT WHY CAN'T YOU.

Answer 5

Tell your husband he needs to stop supporting everyone over the age of 18 except his father. If his brother is in college his tuition should be paid directly to the college. He has to maintain certain grades, keep in direct touch with school to get grade report. His family in the usa that is his wife and kids should come first.

Believe me, I have been through this before and I am of Indian descent. My Dad pretty much supported all his brothers and sisters and their kids, and also supported my Mum's side - her brothers and their kids. When my Dad died, none of these people even came to his funeral even though he was retired and living in the village he had been born in India. And after he died, none of these people came to help my Mum in anyway except to cause trouble and to get their hands on more of his assets. These people think that because one is abroad, they have a money tree in their back yard.

The simplest way to deal with this when they ask for money, except for his father, is to tell them that if they want money or anything else, that they need to come to the USA and get it, by getting a job.

Please don't put up with this anymore then you have to. Show your husband my note and tell him I am a full blooded Indian giving this advise. Families in India never want to work once they have a source of income from abroad and use emotional blackmail to get what they want, and people like your husband fall for it.

There is a fine line between help people get a leg up in the world and keeping them down by supporting them forever. Even most Indian daughter-in-laws in this day and age will not go for this type of money drain, believe me.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Are you talking about Padilla? The FEMA (forex administration Act) of 1999 governs the acquisition and move of sources. It states that persons no longer resident of India and by no potential of Indian starting place won't be able to own sources in India. in case you opt to misrepresent the region, you should no longer advise that readers google the region, because they're going to quickly verify the reality of the remember. that's completely conceivable to assist undesirable little ones with out progression a activities stadium.

Answer 7

what i would recommend is make a list of things u need here,which u havent had a chance to have or do because of your finances.and have a fixed amount going into your savings every month.and then tell him that he can send whatever is left over,after meeting all your needs here.And if possible (i know this is a hard one) talk some sense into him.Tell him that he is himself contributing to his brother being a failure in life.there are other ways to really help him stand on his own feet rather than just sending him free money.Your husband is jeopardizing his marriage and not doing anything to better his brother either- lose/lose situation.The sooner he understands it,the better it would be for all,i think!

Answer 8

It seems you are stuck in your individualistic culture... You cannot forbid somebody to send money to family. I'm not from India,but in my country it is the same- I support my family if I can (and you can,as he is not taking loans for that, and you obviously can afford computer etc.), and one day, when I'll have problems,they will help me. That's what you call collectivist society- there is not so much about 'mine'- 'yours' as in USA...
And I know what I'm saying, as I'm abroad at the moment.. It is obvious that 'my' money are not really 'mine'- they are for my family if they need them. You should stop being selfish,and remember, that no matter what you think it is much easier to have money in USA than anywhere else...
PS. And if you cannot work so much just don't- nobody will take money you don't have.. it's your choice...

Answer 9

This sounds like my dad. I'm an American born Desi. My dad is the oldest child in the family so he was supporting everyone and their uncles etc.... my mom tried to tell him for years to please stop sending so much money to India since we had no cash on us whenever we needed it. He told her that that was something he had to do. Well, my grandfather passed away in 2005 December. Since then my dad has stopped sending money over there. He may send it to my cousins for schooling but that is it.
As to what you should do, I think that if you keep telling him, it's not going to help. I think there needs to be something that threatens your financial security here in the USA before he realizes that he needs to back down on sending so much money over there. I don't know what that might be, but think about it. And good luck!

Answer 10

what u say is correct. having helped them so much so far and the money is not utilised properly better dont send any money further and advice the in law life is not only for him but also for ur family and children who r to be brought up. Better stop sending money but the father in law shd get something for his need every month. be happy.