To keep my husband wanting me should I have surgery?

Question

I am in my late 20s tall good looking w/ two beautiful kids. I gave birth to one 8 lb 7 oz baby and one 9lb 1oz in less than 2 years so its taken a toll on my body. My husband is always making comments about all these women he sees that have perfect bodies you dont ever see him saying anything about women who have had kids and look like me and it bothers me he isnt a model himself big guy but I love him anyway. So I have been considering plastic and cosmetic surgery to make him want me more. I am talking around 100,000.00 or more. He is always looking at other women everywhere we are on the computer,tv, at work [mag]. So I rthought if I had surgery he would quit looking at be more into me what do you think is it worth it?

I dont get it he says all men look yeah maybe but not constantly and rub it in. I can get other mens attention dont get the wrong idea I dont try I look the same all the time jeans and t-shirts and if I do get the chance to get out w/ him he still checks out other women in front of me. i love him and have stayed faithful for almost 9 years and not once rubbed in his face about how another guy looks and even though he is a big guy I dont put him down. what do I need to do to make the constant looking stop besides having this surgery? I am not over weight but when I see what he is looking at I feel that I am.

He use to put me down about how I look and did things to bother me knowing it did and then out of the blue he is nice to me and cant keep his hands off me and it feels good but I think he is covering up guilt and making me happy so I dont think anything but if I find out he has done anything its over and so is she I will find her and kick her butt.

Answer 1

All you need to do, is get back in shape, the old fashioned way! Save the surgery for when the face falls at 50 when you can't hide it anymore. But to go to all that trouble and you're only in your 20's, my God, surgery is still surgery. You can die anytime you go under the knife! I wouldn't go that far! I'll tell you a little secret. If your husband's eyes are wandering, it's not because of you - it's something within himself! Fatherhood may be making him personally freak out a bit. He probably feels like he's getting old now that he's a dad! He's facing the fact he's no longer a dude! And if his maturity level is not where it should be, he's pulling the "checking out the babes" trick! He feels young and free in that space. Sometimes, no matter what you do to yourself, will never help the other person, as it really depends on why he's acting that way. He should ideally, be loving you as much, if not more, for giving him two beautiful children. But instead, he's going backwards, to his youth, and freedom lost. I'd say his problem is deeper than your appearance. I don't truly think your appearance has anything to do with it! If after losing your weight and working at it as much as you can, and if you still have, say, flab on your stomach, then maybe get a little tummy tuck done. But don't go overboard! If you were great before you got pregnant, and you say you're good looking, extensive surgery as you're considering, is overkill! And you said your husband's a big guy and no model, so who is he to judge? There's a big imbalance here! You should turn the tables and start pointing out other men that look awesome! See how he feels! I wouldn't sit there and take that kind of treatment as if you deserve it! You don't! And if superficial appearances are all your hubby is after, your surgery will only entertain him for a few weeks, and then he'll be back to the same behavior! It has way more to do with him, than it does with you! I'm speaking from experience! He's got a problem, not you, girl! Maybe you should start looking for a better man! It's very disrespectful how he's acting with you! And either he's an honorable soul or he's a jerk! Perhaps, this is your husband's true self, the cad! I hope not! Tell him to grow up and get a grip! But work on yourself and whip your body back into shape and you'll be awesome again! Tell him to join you! He sounds like he could use a workout himself! Good luck!

Answer 2

No, I really don't think surgery is the answer. It is dangerous and a band-aid on a gaping wound. It's true, that all men and women too, look at beauty, it's only natural. We look at a beautiful baby and say oh it's so cute, we notice beautiful people of the same and opposite sex, that's natural and normal too. But, if the man who is supposed to be your soul-mate and love of your life can't understand your pain to the point of you actually considering going under anesthesia and the knife just to please him then your problems are much more than aesthetics. I hate to say this but your problems are much more than skin deep. If I may add a little personal note, I once considered a little cosmetic surgery (just a tiny bit) and my boyfriend almost got depressed about it, that I would even consider changing one part of me, when he believes me to be the sexiest thing ever, even though I do not! Get it? That's what love is. I went to see the doctor and he almost laughed at me, he convinced me that I was more than fine and I went home and told my boyfriend. He smiled and held me tight, he said it was worth the money I paid for the consultation, just to hear that. It makes me want to either cry or laugh, I don't know. But, I do know that you sound like a truly beautiful person and I hope you do not go under the knife.

Answer 3

Of course not, it doesn't matter how beautifully you look men will not stop looking at other women, he should have more respect for you when his with you.

If you have this surgery maybe you will feel better about yourself and it will lift up your self esteem, put men will always look at other women even the most faith full.

He makes you unhappy and that could make you a bad mother so be care full.

There are good men out there that could appreciate you, make sure you divorce before finding one.

Good luck

Answer 4

He has to understand that the women who seem to have perfect bodies are not perfect at all. They probably have never even had kids. Do not get surgery for him. He should love you for you as you do him. Tell him that if he gets surgery for you and gets the perfect body then maybe you will do the same for him. See what he says then. If this is his child you gave birth to then what is his problem. You gave him the best gift ever and he should love and appreciate you for it. He seems like a selfish person.

Answer 5

You know, in a way, I commend you for being willing to consider that. But, no, dont have it done if you are simply a bit out of shape. Barn size is one thing, a small dog house size is another. LOL.

Now, I do think a woman and a man have a bit of responsibility to try to look good as well as act good for their mate. We all want to have a mate that we find attractive and who wishes to look good for us.

Having said that, I think that your hubby is being stupid and unrealistic in a way. He should have known that we all get older, that kids change the body, that it is easier for some to shape up then others, that marriage means for life.

Again, he has a right for you to be your best as you do of him. But he also should be smart enough to realize that their is always something out there to turn your head no matter how good your mate looks. And he is being rude to make comments like that with you present.

Answer 6

I think communication is the key here, sit him down and ask him, do you find me attractive?
If his reply is yes, then tell him STOP looking and commenting about other woman's bodies. Tell him how it makes you feel, when he looks or makes comments about other woman's bodies.

If he says no, then give a kick up the backside, and tell him he is not super body himself.

Have you told him your considering surgery just to please him? Even if you had surgery to make your self "better" for him, is he going to appreciate it?

Some how I doubt it, he'd still look at other woman, and make comments, or he may become paranoid that you are better looking, and younger, there for he may think your going to take off with another fellow.

You need to think carefully about this, it could make things better or worse.

Good luck and take care

Answer 7

If you do it, don't do it for him. Do it so you're happy with yourself. And don't get a big head when you do I know a lot of people who when they come out of surgery and look hot they go ego crazy. If he's still with you and your body isn't exactly what it once was then he loves you for you and his family with you. Maybe it would be rewarding for both of you, but if there is somthing you want to change about him, tell him. Tell him if you're willing to go through all the pain and money for him he should do the same for you. Just make sure you don't look fake, look like a lady. (don't get boobs the size of your head, lose your wieght and then get the excess skin removed) not lypo where you can see your ribs and knockers so big you hit yourself when you run. Just make sure its somthing you want, don't do it for him. Do it for your self esteem. You've popped out two children for this man that's his reward. Don't let him knock you down. Natural beauty is the best. Just don't get to fake with it. Good-Luck. You seem like a wanderful wife, just make yourself happy first.

Answer 8

Don`t do it!
If you want plastic surgery, you must do it for YOU not for HIM.

He is acting like an immature jerk...

I am sorry, but I think he would still be acting like that even if you had the surgery.
I think he has a sex addiction.
Perhaps he also yearns a little for the single life .

I think you need to tell him how much the comments hurt you and that you need to spend time together....get dressed up and go out etc

Answer 9

I would suggest working on yourself instead of going through all the surgery. Why do these things just to please someone else? If you can get someone else attention then you don't need all that surgery. Work on making yourself feel good and when you do that you outlook will change. If your husband looks and doesn't touch don't worry about it. Sure, it doesn't make you feel good but he could be doing it also because of the reaction he gets from you.

Answer 10

You can get all the surgeries in the world and spend a million on them, and guess what - he WILL still look at other women.

The better thing to do would be to start commenting on other guys. This WILL be way more effective.