is knowing a person a month enough time to know if he's the one?

Question

I met this wonderful man online more than a month ago, and we meet for a weekend and had the most amazing time ever. Now we are talking about getting married so that we can be together because we both feel that we have met the "one". We have only spent a weekend together, but have talked/communicated every day for more than a month and I am sure of my feelings and He is sure of his. He has been married for 2 yrs and divorced about 2 yrs ago and knows what he wants out of a person/relationship as do I. We are both 26 and ready to settle down and make a life with someone. Does it seem to soon, or would part of the fun of marriage be getting to know more about the person so that it never gets boring? I feel like I know enough about him to know that he is the one. We plan on marrying in the next 2-3 months. He is also in the Navy and will be getting a home station right after we get married (he is in sub school right now)

Answer 1

i say you go for it! if both of you connect on that level and have communicated b4 meeting for a month, without personal contact and still feel that way maybe he is your prince! good luck to the both of you*

Answer 2

Hi!

Well, first things first... you met on the internet. Contrary to what some other peope have suggested, this doesn't mean he's married, a freak, leads a double life or will abandon you after another two months. You can find out a lot more about a person by talking online than you would if you'd only been on a few dates with him, as you have no doubt talked about every issue and experience under the sun. Having said that, though, there are some dangers. How do you *know* he isn't already attached to someone? How do you *know* he is as wonderful as he appears to be? How do you *know* he isn't meeting other girls that he's been talking to online? You might think you know him, but in reality you only know what he's told you.

That's not to say that everything he's told you isn't the total truth. He could really be a genuinely wonderful guy, and the two of you could really be meant for each other.

One of my best friends and I have this theory that the people that are the most over-enthusiastic at the start of relationships are the people that get freaked out once they realise how fast the relationship is moving. Not to be negative, but this has happened in every single case we've known of - including the both of us!

Before you think I'm all anti-internet, I'll tell you my story! I met my current boyfriend online 3 years ago. We spoke every day and got very close; finally having a 12-hour conversation on the phone! We knew we had something really special. Meeting up for the first time just confirmed it. However, because we were both so blown away by how great it felt, we moved in together a few months after. Things became difficult at this point and I learned a lot of things about him that I never imagined. He also lied to me and became freaked out by how fast our relationship was moving.

It was a tough time, but we worked through it, and 3 years on we're closer than ever. We both acknowledge that the problems were due to us rushing into the relationship too quickly. If we'd have taken things a little slower, things would probably have gotten better a lot quicker than they did, and we wouldn't have any bad memories now!

Until you actually live together, you won't know half as many about him as you think you do now. At the moment, yes, you know all his values, hopes, fears, beliefs, etc. Only through living together will you get to see whether he is annoyingly tidy, lives like a pig, watches rubbish TV... or on the worse end of the scale, is controlling, has a temper or drinks too much. You HONESTLY can not know these things until you live with someone.

With regards to marrying him - it all depends how easily you think you could get divorced. If you got married, and 3 months after living together it didn't work out, would be fine about being a 'divorcee' by the time you were 27? If so, go for it! See what happens! If not, and marriage is a special and sacred thing for you, I really really REALLY think you should wait until you've lived together first. Another thing I'm wondering is this - he got married when he was about 22, right? That's SO young. I am 22! If his first marriage ended because he rushed into it, which is most likely the reason, think about this! Even if it was a case of his ex-wife being a complete nightmare and even maybe cheating on him - EVEN if he did nothing wrong, he still married a woman who was wrong for him.

Your relationship already sounds like it could be something very special - why overshadow the brilliant first stages of it with a wedding? Why not enjoy how special and new and magical it is until you truly know more about him, and *then* plan a wedding together? I bet you anything that the wedding will be even more special if you wait - why not spend a year planning it together? It will give you both something to look forward to and in that year, you will get to know more about each other. By the time you get married, your love will be so much stronger - and that's what will make it even more special.

I hope this helps!

xx Emmie

Answer 3

Downsides as indicated:

1. You met him online.

2. You are rushing into marriage too soon.

3. You have been together for one weekend.

4. You are still young and can find others. Time is not exactly
running out here.

5. He is in the Navy and used to military life. It is completely
different from civilian life. Most of the men in my family
went into the army just to get wine, food, an income, job
and shelter. It wasn't like you had to be literate. You didn't
need education. It was the only way to support a family
when you were dirt-poor peasantry in Europe during all
these horrible wars, including the Algerian War of
Independence, during which the French government and
military leaders did terrible and inexcusable things to
Algerian natives.

For the little bit of money he got, he got to watch the Nazis
commit unspeakable atrocities, including what they did to
members of the French resistance, dissenters, Jews, the
Roma, the institutionalized, and they also stole all the food,
burnt fields, raided houses, levelled buildings with people
in them, shot on the spot, put people into work camps,
looted, destroyed, assaulted, enslaved women as sexual
servants, etc.

Let me tell you, my grandfather became a drunk over it. He couldn't
communicate, used to sit and cry for days on end, high
levels of stress and my grandmother gave up and took
on other lovers. He never saw my mother. That was
military life. Stay away from it.

Answer 4

Statistically in society of today it is a short time.
However when two people get togeather and are
ready to make the TOTAL committment to each
other then that's another story. HOWEVER you
better be SURE, because once you take that big
step and you go only on your presumptions then
statistically again it may not work out. Being an
ex-military man retired, it will be many seperations
due to duties and especially with him being in a
sub he could be out to sea up to 6 months at a
time, and if you are ready for that and you and him
are ready for the 100 percent un.conditional
committment in marriage then by all means go for
it.

Answer 5

You have to seriously date someone for at least a year to get to know them. Up until that point, people are in the "Honeymoon" stage and hide things that are going to be less attractive. I have seen too many people head over heals in love and get married within a few months of knowing someone and then find out who the real person is that they married. They are miserable! This is a big step and should be made over time and not jumped into...But you know that or you wouldn't be asking the question. Go with your real gut feeling and not the butterflies of a new romance.

Answer 6

i would absolutely not do it. part of the fun of a relationship is getting to know the person. many relationships start out the first month going really well. what if getting to know him (while married to him) means finding out he didnt tell you the truth about who or how he is. what if you havent been honest with him. how does he interact with people? what does he do when under stress? how is his relationship with his family? friends? coworkers?what are his quirks? why not be passionately thrilled to be committed to date only each other. you spent the weekend together, how about a year of fabulous quality getting to know you weekends. give yourself time to enjoy each other without the pressures of marriage. ask yourself why you feel that there is a need to hurry. not everything you learn in the marriage about each other is going to be good so try to learn all you can before you put your relationship under that kind of pressure

Answer 7

Sounds like you're just gagging to get married. You sound like a scatty bird for 26 and I don't think anything we say here is going to make a diff. Yaking on about this and that is different than getting to know each other. You don't. Your chance of staying married is 50-50.

Answer 8

Nothing is ever too soon my dear. Take life as it comes for we know not what tomorrow will bring. A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. So strike while the iron is red hot. Let us know when the babies are on thier way. hehehehe.

Answer 9

A month will give you a rough idea of whether he's the one or not.For me i fell for my wonderful g/f almost first sight & when i heard her adorable American accent, well that was it for me.
After beating around the bush for like 4 months she had to go back to the US as part of her work.That stung me into action, i told her i was crazy in love with her.We've been together 18 ecstatic happy glorious months & i love my g/f more than ever.When you know, you just know.good luck!

Answer 10

I knew my wife was the one the first day I met her.. (11th Nov, 1981)
Been together 26 years next Nov, & married for 21years in Sept '07..)
:)