I am living with the man I love & my 8 year old son. For about 6 months I have had some health problems - I had fertility treatment which contributed to my hormones being all over the place. I suffered mood swings & I was very insecure. It got to the point where my partner wasn't sure if I would be there when he got home each night. I accused him of prefering other womens company to mine, we argued & I said it was over. I didn't mean it & have since been getting help to get back on track. I have had meds to rebalance my hormones & saw a psychologist. Now my partner is keeping me at arms length, he sleeps on the couch & can't/won't say he loves me, & is distant. I was supposed to be the love of his life, he chased me & rushed me into the relationship asap after my marriage ended. I don't know if I have damaged the relationship beyond repair & should move out or keep hanging on! It hurts when I say I love him & want a future with him & he can't respond, & I have to ask for a hug/kiss.
2007-03-30 12:39:24 · 12 answers · asked by Tiga 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has kept his distance for about 3 months. Occasionally he has slept with me in this time & when I think things are getting better he returns to the couch & I feel used.
He hasn't moved out when he could go else where, & he is still being a father to my son! He is a very stubborn man & had a very unhappy 20 year marriage. I have never cheated on him & do not see myself being with anyone but him. If I move out I know that will be the end as he will not chase me! But I don't want to live like this forever. Should I give him more time or just leave? All this uncertainty & not having his support has made my recovery very difficult but I have still hung in there.
2007-03-30 12:49:59 · update #1
You admit you were the one that drove him to this and that he's acting out of self-defense, which actually gives me hope that you can save this thing, but it's going to take time for him to forgive you and time for you to rebuild trust with him.
If you love him it's worth it.
Most men only ask for their women to be kind and understanding. You need to look beyond yourself your hurt and see the ways you've hurt him. Start to shower love on him. Don't spend time or energy begrudging that you have to ask for a hug kiss... learn instead to give hugs and kisses to him, freely.
It's unfair to expect him to change his behavior on a dime, especially when you admit that you drove him to this. Just because you've changed doesn't give you the right to expect his hurt will immediately heal. It won't.
I have hope though. If he were going to leave you he would already have done so. Since he's still there that means he probably wants the relationship to heal, but is to hurt to believe that it really can heal.
Yes, the workload is on you. That's part and parcel of the fact that you caused the original problem. Now you've got to work to get him back. Good news is that it's probably well within your power to heal this relationship. Just realize it won't happen instantaneously and that you're going to have go give a lot of love with no expectations.
Good luck.
2007-03-30 12:51:31 · answer #1 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked for a man's perspective, but I am giving you a woman's.
You did a lot of damage. It's no wonder he has you at an arm's distance. He doesn't trust you right now. It's going to take some time for you to earn that trust back. It sounds like you really want to be with him. My guess, is he wants to be with you, but he is still very very angry.
Don't pressure him. Leave him be and give him some time. Tell him that you understand he doesn't trust you right now, but you are not going anywhere, and you need for him to know that you love him. Ask him what he needs from you to set things right. He probably won't be able to answer you, and don't pressure him to answer you. If you can back off and be patient, he will respond in the way that he needs to.
2007-03-30 12:51:48 · answer #2 · answered by sarlha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he may need some counselling to get over some of the mood swings you may have had. In anyway if your seeking help and everything he should be supportive not a selfish pri ck he is acting like. I know it may be hard for you to move on with so much in your life at this moment. I would talk to your BF and find out why he is being so distant with you and why he not supporting you getting your life back on track. Anyways he sounds like a jerk when someone is ill your suppose to be there for them not become distant and
selfish!!!!
God Bless and Best Wishes.
IF IT WERE ME I WOULD LEAVE THE LOSER BECAUSE ANYONE DESERVES BETTER.
2007-03-30 12:49:45 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to look into someplace that will allow your meds to settle in before you make anymore life changing choices. Call around for a crisis house and see if you can be an inpatient there for a week or two. It'll give you time to sort out your next move. That may also give him a chance to see you're really sick right now and need help.
2007-03-30 12:52:13 · answer #4 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is hard to gain back when you have done something to harm it. The fact that it was not your fault and was due to homonal imbalance, has nothing to do with it.... He was previously in a loveless relationship and for a long time he did not "Know who you were"..... Give him some time.... Reinforce that you love him....tell him every day...and do special things for him..... Ask him what you can do to rebuild the special relationship which you damaged.... Men are not like women, they generally forgive and forget pretty rapidly..... Don't leave, unless you really want to ruin the relationship.
2007-03-30 12:54:29 · answer #5 · answered by Dennis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have an 8 year old son,,you should have never moved in with him,,the boy will suffer from this,,dont do this to your son,,you are the problem not him,,
2007-03-30 12:57:20 · answer #6 · answered by dennis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You CAN salvage this if you explain you were wrong earlier and that you are serious about staying with him.
Why is he staying away? Cause you slapped his hand away. Reassure him, men are insecure creatures.
2007-03-30 12:57:05 · answer #7 · answered by Jim_atthedrive-in 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think the relationship is worth trying to save talk to your significant other about seeing a counselor with you
2007-03-30 12:55:00 · answer #8 · answered by jessie a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
moving out and not trying will always make you wonder just be you and let him be him if you work it out without pressure you will go a lot farther
2007-03-30 12:48:44 · answer #9 · answered by Malibu Kitkat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your feeling in your gut?
That is essentially your final yardstick.
Whatever that is, go with it.
2007-03-30 12:44:24 · answer #10 · answered by ipolkadot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋