I'm 28 years old; I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 years, she's awesome, we really do get along great! We want to get married in november, but my dad doesn't want me to... he said that if do so, I should forget I'm his son and return everything he has ever given me. He even wants me to pay him back every nickel he spent on me. I had quit my engineering major 2 years ago, 'cause I couldn't keep on working and studying at the same time. I love my job, and am very good at it. The pay is great too. Anyways... my dad says that I'm only allowed to get married if/when I get my degree from a university. Last night he told me I'm a useless person that I will never be "somebody" if I get married now. He is a 60 years old engineer who was fired 17 years ago and never worked again. He keeps on spending the money he inherited and saved over the years he had a job; there's not much of it left. He has a crappy marriage, he hates my mom and used to beat me as a child. What should I do?Please Help!
2007-03-30 12:27:40 · 13 answers · asked by Julio M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I consider myself as someone who was abused as a child. He used to beat me and my brother's when we were children. He once had me locked up for a whole day at the living room and beat me up if I didn't say the exact words that were written on my text book (it was exam period) I was 11 and my mom worked at another city... he had recently lost his job. once he hit my bro in the face with his belt's buckle and almost hit my bro's eye! It was because he had a low grade in math. I never really had a nice relationship with my dad. I was always the rebel... the one who reacted up when he was messing with someone's life. He always threatend us. Now he's threating me that if I get married, he's gonna leave my mom and take away his money with him. He's gonna leave the family with not even 1 penny. I'm desperate... I just want to die. I don't know what else to do. Talking doesn't work.
2007-03-30 12:36:16 · update #1
Your dad is a control freak and you have become a wimpy child-man who is held hostage by material possessions. At some point you will have to cut the apron string and stand on your own two feet and make your own adult decisions. You are already 10 years past the point where most people begin that process.
2007-03-30 12:32:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you will not let him abuse of control you anymore. He's trying to interfere with your independence. You have been subjected to too much verbal and physical abuse. I think you could benefit from some counselling. Perhaps you don't realize it, but he has scarred you and you need to work on your wounds before you try to settle down. Finish getting your education. Be strong and be your own man. It's either your dad's money or your happiness. The choice is yours. Your mother has chosen to stay with him in this circle of misery. You don't have to. Your dad is spiteful and controlling and he'll probably end up a very lonely old man unless he decides to change his evil ways. Go out and create your own life.
2007-03-30 12:55:12 · answer #2 · answered by bombastic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get married. You are an adult, and you aren't obligated to "repay" gifts from your parents (sounds to me that he sees that you have a decent job, and he's just looking for money).
You sound like you have it pretty together, with the exception of your relationship with your parents. Be prepared, you may need to cut ties with your father if he becomes verbally abusive towards your future wife. She doesn't deserve that any more than you do, and you need to protect her from the poison that is your father.
That being said, I would also look into completing your degree at some point, IF and only if it is something you enjoy.
2007-03-30 12:53:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anah B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first off, you are 28 years old. Grow up for crying out loud, and tell Daddy to quit trying to control your life. If he is so unhappy and miserable with his own life, that he wants you to be miserable and unhappy then you need to back away. Go on with your life. If he loaned you money, then of course you owe him... But, anything he gave you as far as gifts, that's yours. You owe him nothing. Tell him that you are an adult and that you love him and appreciate all that he has done for you. But, that you are not going to tolerate him treating you as if you were a child still living under his roof. Tell him that he needs to accept that you are going to marry the love of your life, and you want him to be a part of it. If he can't share in your happiness, then that is his own problem, but you aren't going to be around to hear him threaten you any longer.
2007-03-30 12:42:56 · answer #4 · answered by sarlha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a grown up man! You do not need your fathers approval to get married.It isn't your fault he lost his job or doesn't have a wife.Just because he is miserable doesnt mean you have to be.You do not have to pay you father back for all the money he spent on you when he was raiseing you.That was his responsibility as a parent. You do not have to answer to your father.To keep from argueing with him just stay away from him.If you need to speak with him write a letter to him. You go on with your life and get married and have a great life with the woman you are marrying.Best Wishes on your up comeing marriage.Also to as for your mother she needs to seek help for him being abusive and help on what to do if he should leave her.
2007-03-30 12:38:55 · answer #5 · answered by michele k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I don't even have to read this whole thing. If you love her marry her. You make enough to support a family? Make sure you move far far away from Daddy! If you have children make sure they are never left in his care better yet I would not blame you if he couldn't even see them. You are grown move on with YOUR life
2007-03-30 12:45:58 · answer #6 · answered by Diva Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're 28, you are an adult and you should be able to make your own decisions. Just cut your dad out of your life. He's not contributing anything positive to it anyway. You don't live with him do you?
2007-03-30 12:41:24 · answer #7 · answered by m k 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. right here is the ingredient. Marriage is a monumentous party that usually for many persons happens merely as quickly as of their existence. some fortunate prosperous Muslims would have 4 opportunities, yet different than that its merely as quickly as. The question right this is, do you relatively need to exclude the two maximum crucial human beings on your existence, that gave you existence, existence to get married, out of your man or woman marriage? i think of no longer. that would desire to truly reason greater issues than answer. The urge of youngsters is to behave devoid of theory, in spite of if in Islam, we could continually act with theory and taqwa. desire this helps you sister. would Allah make it trouble-free for you in this time.
2016-12-19 17:21:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
grow up and leave the nest your dad sounds like miserable old man and he wants to join him, misery does love company. what i can't believe is that there is a woman out there that would concider marrying a man who is 28 and still cowers at his fathers command. he doesn't respect you and unless you stand up and grow a backbone he never will.
2007-03-30 19:03:27 · answer #9 · answered by windwalker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell dad you will be leaving to get married and that you never signed any agreement that he would be paid back if you weren`t a perfect son.
ADIOS Amigos
2007-03-30 12:35:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋