Problems in My Marriage...Please help!?

Question

I am only 20 yrs old. I have been with my husband for 8 yrs, married for only 2 months. He is 21 yrs old. I love him with all my heart.
But 9 months ago, i found out that he had cheated on me with my best friend. We worked out our problems and had counseling. So we got married in February.
Well I just found out that the girl he cheated on me with, had a baby. I saw pictures of the little girl, and it looks identical to his baby pictures. I even showed his mom.
I am so hurt and beside myself on what I should do with our marriage.
We are going to the court on monday to see if we could get a DNA test done. She is married also.

Could someone help me on what I should do with My marriage??

Answer 1

This is why it should be mandatory that people wait until they are 30 until they marry. Who you were at 12 when you started dating this guy is all you know. You (and him) have changed tremendously in the last 8 years, and you will grow a lot in the next 10 years. It is quite possible that the 2 of you just aren't a match anymore and it's nobody's fault. You just gotta move on sometimes and stop clinging to the familiar out of habit.

Answer 2

I got married at 20 also. It is young and I am now 29. We are still married. Marriage at any age is hard. At 20 it is EXTREMELY difficult. THen, when you add an affair, it is much worse. Then you add a baby that is with the afffair, you get into serious trouble. The main thing is to always remember that it is not the baby's fault. Then you can move on to the marriage. True love can sort through any situation. You have to be ADULTS about the whole thing. Don't let the childish behavior get in the way. You need to find out if you can actually trust him again. Then and only then can you then move on. Another councelling appointment would be good again. And again if need be. Keep trying. Love is worth it. Also you need God in the middle of it all. He can work all out. Really, without him you have nothing. Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

Of course this is why most people wait to get married because statistically the younger you get married the more chance divorce is around the corner. You made your bed by marrying this guy after you foubd out he cheated on you. So with that being said your a moron if he truly loved you he wouldn't have strated away and really with your BFF. If I knew you better I would bet that the kid is his the best thing to do is find out the age of the kid then find out when he had sex with her calculate the months. If he loves you and she is married I would recommend that he just gives up his rights to the baby if it is his that way you guys can carry on with your marriage. It may be tough for him but atleast you guys can put this tragedy behind you.

God Bless and even though it is going to be hard to here that this kid may be your husbands, atleast you know he has some good swimmers and you'll have one of your own soon enough if that's what you want.
I'll pray that he is not the father.

Answer 4

Sweetie, I have started your answer several times and I keep deleting them. You are hurting and I definietly don't want to cause you anymore pain than you have all ready. You are the only one that can make this decision, only you, but you are asking for some advice so here mine.....

You say you love him with all your heart, and you must have forgave him for his cheating. The big issue is what to do with the walking, talking, and breathing proof of this relationship. Remember this please! That baby did not ask to be born, that precious baby girl is innocent of all the pain that you are in. Remember that if you don't remember anything else.

Your marriage can be healthy and happy again, and last for years and years but both of you have got to accept responsibility for his actions. Yes, you too. This little girl is your step-daughter, and if your husband wants to see her then you are going have to accept it. I hope he does want to provide and support the baby financially and emotionally. Stand beside him, it's going to be easy, but it can be done.
I have a friend who went through the same thing, and her step-daughter just made her a very proud grandmother. It's been a struggle but the good has outweighed the bad.

If you can't handle this, then it's ok. Don't let him make you feel bad or that you are letting him down. It's your heart and feelings that you have to protect. You expected to give your husband his children, and you have every reason to be mad and hurt. I can't say I know how you feel, because this didn't happen to me. I do know that I am so sorry that it happened to you, and that if I could take away the pain and disappointment I would.

I think before Monday, I would do some soul searching and talking with my husband. He should be willing to answer all questions and concerns that you have. If he's not willing to talk about it, then Honey you got some major troubles. What does he want, and ask him what he would like for you to do? You clue him in what you want. Praying hard that things will be ok for everyone, including this woman's husband.

Again, sweetie you are so very young, and remember that you have a lot of years ahead of you. Think carefully, and make sure that you can handle this....if you can't then walk away now. Do remember please that the baby is innocent? Especially remember that if you stay with your husband. God bless each of you.


God bless us all...............

Answer 5

If he is truly sorry and you believe him. If he is telling you the truth now and you think he is being honest, if you are comfortable with it you can give him another chance. You are so young and life is too short for you to have to go through this repeatedly so make sure he really loves you and will not do it again. If the baby is his he will have to pay child support and you will have to accept it.
Just really think hard about this. No one deserves to be cheated on, but you were not married at the time he cheated, my guess would be he would not have married you if he did not love you and want to spend his life with you. He may have cheated because he was afraid of getting married. Good luck and take Care.

Answer 6

I think you got into the marriage way too young. I did that. When you get into your 30's you know what you want out of life. That age might seem old to you now, but you will be going through changes in how you feel about him. You are still learning about life on what way you want to settle down. If I wa you I would get out before you end up getting pregnant and be left as a single parent. Don't let no man tell you things are going to get better, because it usually gets worse.

Answer 7

When I was first married 16 years ago almost same thing happened and I will be the first to tell you it is hard and you have to decide can you live with seeing this child regularly, this so called ex-friend and your husband interacting. If you can not deal with all of those things for atleast 18 years, it's best to get out now.

Answer 8

You both were too young to get married. He hasn't sewn his oats. Now your in a quagmire. He most likely will cheat again if the opportunity presents itself. I feel for you, but can you truly trust him again. If your both committed to working through this rough time, maybe the marriage can survive. It's going to take alot of counseling and time to build trust.
But don't be blind by your love for him either. Good luck

Answer 9

IF THE KID IS HIS, I'D LEAVE. MY BOYFRIEND JUST TOLD ME 7 YRS AGO HE SCREWED A HOOD RAT AND GOT HER PREGNANT AND THEY BEEN GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH DRAMA FOR 7 YRS NOW AND HE DON'T KNOW IF IT'S EVEN HIS. HE CAN'T BE A MAN EITHER. YOUR ISN'T ELSE HE WOULDN'T HAVE ****** YOU OVER LIKE HE DID. GET GONE IF IT'S HIS AND FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO WILL LOVE YOU AND GIVE YOU A RUGRAT OF YOUR OWN.

Answer 10

If you still love him work things out i have been in same situation. we worked things out. if you can deal with beeing a mom to someone elses child than work it out. it will be hard but if its rell love youll learn to work it out do what your hart says. nothing els. think about it though make sure you wont regret it.