I was in an obsessive relationship back in the day with my exboyfriend, this was about 7 years ago when I was still underaged. I wasnt happy at all. Anyways, at the time i thought I was, but the truth is it was very very obsessive and time consuming. My parents, who didnt agree to this relationship, sent me out of the country to finish my high school. A fter this we (My ex and I) completely stopped talking to each other. Years after I met this awesome guy, with who I traveled all around the world and fell in love with. We are getting married soon and I am returning to my country. My ex had heard of our marriage and wanted to talk to me about it so he wrote me an extensive email stating that our love was so strong and that even after this years he still loved me. I told him not to email anymore and to forget about me. Now without wanting I am feeling a little wierd to know this, I am 5 months away from my wedding and I havent told my fiance. I am scared of what will happen if I do...
2007-03-30 11:58:05 · 9 answers · asked by Moquinita 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
YOU didn't do anything wrong. You are already engaged. Part of marriage is being open and honest. It's not your fault that your ex contacted you. Tell your fiance. If he doesn't understand and gets mad, then your marriage will not survive. Honestly, its not that big of a deal, you will find that there will be more severe obstacles that you two will face in the future. It's a good way to find out how he handles situations like these. Good luck.
2007-03-30 12:03:53 · answer #1 · answered by taj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has your fiancé told you about his past loves?
Personally I would tell him, this is a danger that can affect your happiness. If you still had the email then it would be easier, just tell him that you had an old relationship with a boyfriend that was an obsessive creep and his has contacted you again and show him the email (that is proof of a lot of trust; trust that you expect from each other). Another words tell your boyfriend the truth. He can’t hold you responsible for what another man thinks or does.
Tell your fiancé that he is the one that you love, the only one. You thought that you were in love with this man once, but when you left his influence you realized that you were not in love with him and never were. In fact you are afraid of him and what he could do to you. I would even show him this question and the answers.
If you ex-boyfriend is the obsessive man that you remember then you not only don’t want to have anything to do with him, but you have to consider the fact that he might come looking for you. Hopefully he won’t, hopefully he won’t contact you again. However, if he did and your fiancé found out that way about him then imagine how hurt he would feel. He would feel that you didn’t trust him. One big mistake a lot of people make is when they try to cover up a big problem. They get away with it a few times, but most of the time they don’t and the consequences of finding out about that problem can be worse than the problem itself. Don’t take this chance to harm your future marriage and happiness.
If you still have your ex-boyfriend’s email address then you can give it to your fiancé and let him tell this guy to bug off. If you do that then you are showing a great trust, a proper trust in your fiancé. If he blows up at you over this then it is better to find out now than later. But, if you show this great trust in him, and explain that you trust him to handle the situation then he won’t feel betrayed by you. Both of you had a life before you met and there were other people in you life; he can’t get made at you for that. Even if you had sex with this guy, you didn’t realize just how wrong he would be for you and you are so glad that you escaped him and met your fiancé. Now this man with an ugly soul has come back into your life attempting to steal your happiness again and to try and control you. You don’t want this to happen ever and you need your fiancé to help you stand against the evil hearted man.
2007-03-30 12:20:02 · answer #2 · answered by Dan S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by telling the ex not to contact you again. Why would you tell your fiancé any of that? It's your personal business, and not for him to know. Some information is meant to be held private, even between spouses. Generally, it's not a good idea to bring up the past in a new relationship, if this past has no bearing on the present. Congrats on the wedding, just enjoy your future together, and forget about the other guy.
2007-03-30 12:12:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't do anything wrong so you shouldn't be afraid to tell your fiance. You shouldn't have emailed your ex back, though. Even though you gave him the kiss-off, obsessive types will grasp onto anything that remotely resembles communication and use this as a sign that you are meant to be. The next time he emails you (and he definitely will) DELETE WITHOUT RESPONDING!!! Your silence will say more about his chances of resurrecting the relationship than anything you could actually say.
2007-03-30 12:03:56 · answer #4 · answered by e_d_ellis2004 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be scared, and you don't have to tell your fiance. You did nothing wrong, and you aren't responsible for your ex boyfriends fixation. Why worry about something that has no meaning for you anymore, it is typical for a controlling man to want to wreck any future relationship you may have don't let him. Hes nothing and you did exactly the right thing in discouraging him.
2007-03-30 12:03:50 · answer #5 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your fiance and probably your parents, too. If this guy is that obsessive and abusive, he might try and do something stupid. Better to bring it out in the open with your fiance. That stuff happened a long time ago, and you need to let him know that the past is past.
2007-03-30 12:01:46 · answer #6 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone gets to feeling "weird" as their wedding date comes up. Getting married is a big step and it's normal to feel nervous. or entertain "second thoughts."
You KNOW that your old relationship was not a good one.
And that this guy you're marrying is your "One."
Leave it as it is. If the "ex" emails you again don't even read it. DELETE it and think "good riddence." don't throw away what you have.
2007-03-30 12:06:46 · answer #7 · answered by paganathome@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not feel bad about yourself. I would mention it to your fiance if you think he will understand. If not, do not mention and cause waves. You have done nothing wrong.
2007-03-30 12:02:45 · answer #8 · answered by travelinbianca16 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be honest u cant go back move on
2007-03-30 12:03:55 · answer #9 · answered by imneiflim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋