My daughters father is suppose to have our daughter from 12-5pm every other Saturday. Well, he hasn't because he has NEVER been a part of her life, by HIS choice so she is afraid to go with him. Anyway, he has been coming at 2-5pm. ONCE he came at 1pm after I suggested it so they can spend more time together,and he can maybe take her a little later in the visit. He tried to take her as soon as he walked in the door she freaked and barricated herself in her room. Now he is calling and wanting visitation earlier because he has having scheduling problems with his other child. He has put my daughter on the back burner all of her life, everytime he has something with his other children my daughter gets last place. I want my daughter to go with him, but not traumatize her. I have done everything to accomidate him and his life, but now it's getting inconvenient. I know he can get an Enforement Order if the judge goes for it, but it won't be enforced in my town, already checked. Suggestions?
2007-03-30 11:37:15 · 3 answers · asked by Spring loaded horsie 5 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
She is only 3 year old
2007-03-30 11:47:58 · update #1
I have tried talking to her even down to bribary, she still doesn't want to go, because she doesn't know him.
2007-03-30 11:50:10 · update #2
Follow the court order no matter what. Talk to your daughter and make her more comfortable about going to visit with her father. She can't have a relationship with him if no one will help her. Remember the good things about him and tell those things to her. Make her want to go visit with her daddy.
If she still freaks out, then get her into counselling so the counselor can help her with obtaining a relationship with her father. Be supportive of your daughter but firm also. You don't want to be breaking the law by denying visitation. Also talk with her father and tell him she is terrified and that he needs to build a relationship with her. Maybe he could come to your house and visit with her there for a short period of time before he takes her with him. Tell him you want him to be a part of her life, but that you want to spare her the trauma she is feeling because she doesn't know him.
Good luck!
2007-03-30 11:47:27 · answer #1 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't be sure it won't be enforced. He can go back to the judge and get a judgement against you for noncompliance. You risk loosing full custody that way. If he wants visitation changed, then he needs to work it out with the court. Otherwise his time is from 12-5 pm. It doesn't matter when he comes to pick her up, as far as the court is concerned. If he picks her up at 4:30 that's ok, as long as he has her back by 5. Why don't you suggest you go with them, or hang out at your house a couple of times so she gets to know him a little? and keep in mind she might be picking up subconsious clues from your body language and that's whats freaking her out. There's not a lot of difference in body language between "I hate your guts for making me let my daughter go with you once a week when you never had any interest in her before" and "I'm afraid of you, and I'm afraid you'll hurt my daughter". Also make sure she doesn't overhear you talking about him in a negative way. It's not for his sake, it's for her. It hurts her far more than it hurts him if you talk about him like he's a scumbag (I don't know if you do or not, I'm just saying), and then tell her she has to spend time with him. And what if she comes to like him? she'll feel guilty because you hate him, and she'll feel like she has to choose between you. Not fair to her. Other than that, it's just going to take some time, but stick with it. Be the better person, be magnanomous (sp?) and she'll remember that when she's older. She'll remember who was the adult in your divorced relationship, and she'll look up to you because of it.
2007-03-30 11:48:13 · answer #2 · answered by smlingrl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How old is she? if she is over 12 then she could decide herself I would think.
Maybe meet at an indoor playground with the father and your daughter a few times so she gets used to him again.
2007-03-30 11:41:56 · answer #3 · answered by Heads up! 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋