Kid to parent question...?

Question

Most of the time, I feel like my mom is unhappy with my dad. There is probably nothing I can do about it, but sometimes I wonder if it would be better if they were divorced. See, they argue a lot and my dad is really stressed and when he is stressed he is in a real bad mood and stars cussing at anyone or anything. My mom loves him, but sometimes I wonder if he loves her. What would you, as a parent, tell a 13 year old kid like me?

Answer 1

Here's what you do...

You print this page out - don't worry, you don't need all the answers - just your question really, and give it to your mom. Let her take it from there. She loves you and your brother, trust her.

*hugs*

Answer 2

You are growing up and starting see things with grown up eyes and it's hard to know what to think sometimes.

Your parents' relationship with you is absolute love - no matter what. They want the best for you and are happiest when they see you accomplish something that makes you happy. This is a simple relationship of pure love.

The relationship they have with each is is more complicated - you see only a small part of it - I'm sorry you think it's an unhappy part sometimes. I'm sure there are lots of happy times too - now, and even before you were born.

They are working together on something - their goal is to work together and raise your family in a way they can look back on and be proud of. You are seeing that work sometimes is hard - but it is worth it. This is what binds them together.

Have you ever tried working with someone on a school project? Were there times when you got mad at each other? It's kind of the same thing - in the end, the project was done and you learned something about working together.

Please don't worry about your parents - they are adults. They have seen a lot of other adult relationships - and they know what to do.

You are coming in the middle of their story - they were together before you were born, and were toegther when you were too little to understand. Now here you are trying to catch up and understand. But you can't because you haven't "walked a mile in their shoes".

Focus on your part of the family. Help around the house, do well in school and pick good friends.

Enjoy being 13 - you are a great source of pleasure for them.

Whatever happens - happens between them and things will be OK.

PS - don't be afraid to talk to them about this - or anything else you are thinking about or have bothering you.

Answer 3

At 13 you are old enough to voice your opinion to your parents. Sometimes they stay together for the kids not realizing that the kids are the ones that are getting hurt. Let them know that you dont like the constant arguing and that you are ok if they decide to divorce. Be supportive and if they do end up divorced dont be a messenger between the 2. Dont tell the other parent what they are doing or who they see. Dont get invovled. Good Luck

Answer 4

Hello young lady.
First of all, I am sorry that you are going through this. I know it must be very difficult, especially the part where you feel powerless to help.
You sound like a very mature and intelligent person, so let me tell you, they have to figure this out for themselves.
Marriage and relationship are never easy and straight forward, so at this point, what's important for you to do, is focus as hard as you can on your education and future, make sure you do not neglect your studies, and your own friends. Do not get with the wrong crowd, and make something out of yourself, you are smart, and you will go far. Your mom and dad will have to work this out, one way or another. Nothing you can do, except love them as their daughter, and know, that this is NOT your fault.
If you need further assistance, do not hesitate to e-mail me:
[e-mail]
all the best.

Answer 5

no young one a divorce isnt allways better! but it sounds like they are on their way rapidly. im sorry .I start yelling at anyone and everything to when im in a bad mood. when my wife and i argue we try not to do it around the kids.ive also noticed that if we are fighting around our kids they have a tendency to leave for about an hour or more till we have settled down. anyway i wish there was a quick fix for your problem but there isnt. you may want to suggest some counsiling(when they arent in the middle of a fight) i went thru this at the same age you are. i had to watch and take care of 3 younger brothers all the time. i hated it ! i hated everyone and i was mad at the whole world! then there are boyfriends/girlfriend to deal with ! they allways want to be your best friend ! trying to impress your parent they are dateing. then comes remariage! possibly other siblings from there last relationship now you have to get along with a whole new family! so no divorce would not be better young one it just seems that way at times! so good luck now just try avoiding them when they are fighting!

Answer 6

Sweetie, I'm sorry that you have to witness your parents being argumentative and unhappy. It's not something that you can solve. It is their problem to handle. However, you could tell them that they are making you very unhappy and it's not fair. Maybe once you tell them that they are making your life miserable, they will try to work things out. Sometimes adults really don't realize how kids feel and you have to tell them the truth. Maybe you all need to take a mini-vacation to get away from the stress.

Answer 7

First of all, their problems and the managing of them are between them and not you, so do not feel as if any tension in the marriage is your fault.

Your father may love your mother, but not know how to show it the way she needs to be shown. Obviously he has difficulty managing his emotions and may not realize that the way he releases his tension by swearing at people isn't the most appropriate, especially in front of a 13 year-old. He needs to take control of his emotions.

Right now your mother and father seem to communicate in two different languages... sometimes a person may think that he is showing love by doing a certain thing, but to the other person, she may just need to be hugged to know that she's loved (read the book "The five love languages").

Bottom line, your parents need better communication and identify/clarify needs and learn to respect each other as he and she needs to be.

You in the meantime pray that God speaks to them and hang in there.

Answer 8

I'd tell you that your parents have a relationship that you are not a part of although they both have a relationship with you. Adult relationships are complicated. You may think you understand their disagreements, but you really don't. They have nothing to do with you, except they are making you feel as if you need to fix something that you can't.
Tell your parents they are making you anxious and unhappy with all the fighting. Perhaps that will inspire them to get some counseling. You can even suggest that.

Answer 9

Your dad knows your mom is unhappy with him and that is a lot of his stress. Talk to you mom and let her know you are not happy with the strain in the house. Ask her to please try to get along better with your dad. Spend some time talking to your dad and being friendly with him. His home should be a place of refuge and not a hostile environment.

Answer 10

I would say to you " Daddy and I are going threw something’s but I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you because I think your perfect and we could never stop loving you. Some times when parents get married and as time passes by things change that we wish wouldn't change but they do. I would tell you that the one thing that is forever is the Love I had for you. That is what I would tell you.

Answer 11

I agree with Joseph. Pray about it. Maybe try to talk to your dad about the way you feel (when he's in a good mood). Ask him if you can have a serious talk with him before you just jump in so he will be prepared not to get up set. I hope things work out for all of you & I'll pray for you too.