My girlfriend wants to have a kid with me, but im not so sure that im ready. we've been together for 3 years, and we're both 18 now... but i just dont think i'm ready.
what should i tell her?
2007-03-30 09:29:46 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You said it above, I'm not sure I'm ready to have a kid.
My unsolicited advice it to make sure you are in charge of the Birth Control. Don't want her forcing the issue by compromising protection.
2007-03-30 09:32:49 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A million people could tell you both you're not ready and it wouldn't do a da** bit of good. She has this starry eyed Barbie doll view of parenthood that no words will sway. Having a kid changes your life forever, physically, financially and emotionally. You both have many fun filled years just ahead of you that will be blown from the face of the planet if you have a child. Life as you know it will be over. Don't get me wrong, that may not necessarily be a bad thing. It all has to do with how ready you are. By having to ask this, I'd say you're probably not. Both of you try this: "borrow" a baby, better yet a 2 year old for a week or a weekend or whatever you can swing. You'll get to see what it's like up close and personal. The 2 am feedings, poopy diapers, the crying, the screaming, the interrupted meals, the inability to leave, go out or party at a moments notice - are all the special and rude awakenings only new parents get to enjoy. The best is when she's too tired for YOU.... yes, THAT, the beast with two backs, the horizontal bop, whatever you want to call it. Kiss it buh-bye.... buh- bye now! But don't take my word for it, what do I know, I've only got 3 kids..... Good luck to you pal, you're gonna need it
2007-03-30 16:50:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mike 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that a child is not a pet, it's a person and that it deserves to be raised in a household with two loving parents that want and love it and are 100% sure that they're ready for it.
You say she's your girlfriend so the two of you aren't even married yet. That's a really simple sign that neither of you is ready for kids yet if you haven't committed to each other.
No child deserves to be raised in chaos (though it happens all the time).
The two of you are too young by far, she's being extremely unreasonable and immature to try to rush something this important.
If she loves you and really understands what it takes to raise a baby it's totally reasonable for her to wait until you're married, and probably even after you're married for at least a year, just to make sure you guys are a good fit and work together well with challenges.
Having kids is a full time job in and of itself and will bring a lot of stress to the relationship. You've got to be ready.
2007-03-30 16:37:58 · answer #3 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at 18?? well here are some things to think about first. do both of you have steady jobs that pay enough to take care of the three of you?? Do you both have a place to live out side of mom and dads? Are you ready to take care of a baby? You know that once you have a kid its a life long dissuasion you can never get away from even if you break up. Think about this as great kids are make sure your ready and can take care of the baby first. good luck with this one
2007-03-30 16:42:49 · answer #4 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At only 18 you BOTH still have so much more of life to live before you start raising children. You've just started your adult life take the time to enjoy it while you can, get all the parties and clubs out of your system then have children...there's no hurry her "biological clock" isn't even wound up yet, so don't tell me it's "ticking". PLEASE take time to enjoy life first then have that baby when you've established a good paying job, settled into a place to live and the most important thing of all...make sure that you really love each other before bringing a child into a loveless family! Now go enjoy life and tell her to also.
2007-03-30 16:54:41 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth, it's not time.
You both need an education, good jobs, a home, and marriage before even considering a child.
BE NICE about it, she's telling you how much she loves you by wanting a baby with you.
Just tell her you'll have the rest of your lives for a baby, but you want to be able to give the baby everything you never had. And be able to put money back for the babies education.
Tell her there's no one else you'd rather have carry your child when it's time. So the sooner you both get your educations, jobs and a home the sooner, both your dreams will come true.
Hope this helps
2007-03-30 16:40:26 · answer #6 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That you aren't ready
You are only 18 & haven't become the you that you will be yet.
You haven't been to college.
You don't have a job to sustain you, her & a child - not to mention a home, basic necessities, insurance, etc.
Kids change relationships & you currently like yours just the way it is.
You want more time as a couple before you become a family.
If she doesn't understand this, she isn't adult enough to be a parent. You then need to be VERY CAREFUL about intimacy - more than one person has found himself a dad (or mom) when he thought there was no way.
2007-03-30 16:37:14 · answer #7 · answered by ang_phx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a child comes with enormous responsibility. Everyone wants a kid of their own. Just at a time they feel comfortable. If she loves you, she'll understand that your not ready. Explain to her you want a kid when your income can support one.. She'll understand that. You guys are 18. You have a whole life ahead of you. Explore, and have an adventure!
Good Luck!
Hope all goes well!
2007-03-30 16:35:21 · answer #8 · answered by heavydeezy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO. You guys need to be able to support your kid. Get some education out of the way first. BELIEVE ME, it's a lot harder after the fact. I admire you guys' commitment to eachother, but trust me, you will be glad you waited. Take it from someone who's trying to go back to school and start a career three kids later.
Just to clarify- you guys aren't pregnant already, right? That would change my answer.
But for now, get the girl a puppy or something to nurture. And think about what you want for your future children. And what you would tell them if they were in your position.
2007-03-30 16:33:17 · answer #9 · answered by hoff_mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and be honest with her, I personally think that you are both too young to be having kids. But to each his own, it's not for me to judge. You should tell her how you feel, let her know that you are not emotionally ready nor are you financially stable enough to want kids at this time and talk about it.
2007-03-30 16:33:35 · answer #10 · answered by freyja5683 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋