i don't want to move on, but i would like to marry and live together. we are very close and he just seems very content, but i want to combine our houses so we can sleep together and build a life together. I am 34 two kids and he is the best to them. he is their coach in little league and helps them with homework and contributes with everything they are involved with to the Nth degree. he truly loves them and me, but no commitment. he talks about OUR HOUSE someday, but i am ready to move forward and make a life. what is he waiting for?
2007-03-30 04:28:28 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He isn't waiting for anything. He just has no plan to get married. Don't expect him to change for you.
If a piece of paper is so important to you then you should move on immediately. Don't waste another day.
However, if you step back and think about it, you may already be married according to common law. Check with a lawyer in your state to see if you are technically married according to common law marriage.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage
I hope you have discussed your needs and desires with him.
2007-03-30 04:31:34 · answer #1 · answered by Plasmapuppy 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I gave this some thought. MEN!
I think he is getting it all from you and is 'cosy' in the relationship. Needs no decision. Needs to be prodded.
71/2 years and no commitment is tough. It is very easy for others to ask you to move on with your life and dump him. At first that was my thinking too. It would be like cutting a limb off. Also, your children would be devastated.
But hey! except for the marriage part, you ARE happy. Also you do get his love , you say. So do the children. Wondering if you truly think you would be happier in a wedded life. A wedding changes the relationship. We all know that. For better or worse, is something no on can predict.
I know 'marriage' is the ultimate goal we are brought up to have. I am pretty conservative. Yet I am giving you a different idea. Many would disagree. Do give him some hints and see how he takes it. If not, don't do anything to spoil the relationship.
All the best.
2007-03-31 07:03:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with you wanting to move on and nothing wrong with him wanting to stay where he is in the relationship. Things are great between you two and why change anything? He is probably very comfortable being with you and your children and being a big part of your life but he probably just wants to keep it this way for now. He isn't afraid of committment, I don't think, he just likes things how they are.
It seems like you landed a great guy, so don't overthink things, just let them flow. They will fall into place naturally. If he didn't love you and your children, and if he didn't have plans for a long long long future together with you, he wouldn't be as involved in your life and he wouldn't have stuck around for so many years!
2007-03-30 04:38:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a man can not commit to you , its because he don't want to.He has everything there for him and if he ever feels uncomfortable out the door he will go. I am sure he is great. I would treat you great also if I could get by without any commitment. The truth if most guys would. And the talking about OUR house, well those are crumbs to keep on leading you on. I'm sure you are familiar with the milk and cow story.
If you want a commitment tell him its now or never. AND STICK TO IT.
2007-03-30 04:42:27 · answer #4 · answered by Atheist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, about 4 years ago would have been a perfect time to give up.
Sorry to say this, but if he hasn't committed after 7 years, then it is not likely.
I would go as far as to say this guy is selfish.
Having his cake and eating it too. He has you for all the fun stuff, but still lives a single life. No commitment, no hassles. Of course he is content. What a life!!
After 7 years of you not putting the pressure on, I don't like your chances of seeing a ring any time soon.
I would give him an ultimatum. "Marry me or don't forget to shut the door on your way out"
2007-03-30 04:36:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to have a serious talk with him about this. Seven years is an extremely long time. If after discussing it with him you are on the same page and he is ready to move forward with you, great!
If not, it's time NOW for you to move on without him. Let him know that one way or the other, you are not willing to sit here in limbo with him anymore.
Good Luck
xxoo
2007-03-30 04:35:49 · answer #6 · answered by leavemealonestalker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about this matter. You need to spell out what your dreams are of the future. What is the vision that you have for your life? You don't need to give him an ultimatum, but you need to make it perfectly clear what it is that you want. He will then know that he needs to make a decision. If he doesn't share your vision of life, then move on and find someone that does.
2007-03-30 04:36:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont suggest you move on, those guys are few and far between. he is a keeper, if he loves your kids and they love him and he takes good care of you as well i would stay with him. Try talking to him about your realationship and tell him you want more of a commitment, he may be afraid so take baby steps. let him know you have waited a long tiem and you are ready for a commitment becasue you know your great together.
2007-03-30 04:47:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you discussed with him your feelings about wanting that commitment? Men aren't mind readers. You need to talk to him, but I don't believe you should demand it from him. Wouldn't you want him to marry you because he wants to and not because you gave him an ultimatum? But if when you all discuss it and there is no agreement or he shows no signs of wanting that commitment, then you do what you have to do and move on immediately.
2007-03-30 04:33:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not invest more than 2 - 3 yrs. in a relationship without marriage...Do not have kids out of wedlock..
Get a good Pre-Nup...
I don't know what to suggest in your situation...
You can't exactly start over but you have already wasted
way too much time..
2007-03-30 04:34:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people are perfectly content living a "separate togetherness" and perhaps he is this type of person?
the best advice i can give is to ask him to sit down and talk, in a mutual place... tell him how you feel, and ask him to let you know what he wants, and in all honesty.
maybe he's afraid to hurt your feelings? or perhaps the thought of living-in or marriage gives him anxiety for some reason?
never know til you are honest with each other.. i hope it works out for both of you -- sounds as if he's a good man.
take care.
2007-03-30 04:45:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋