How do I tell my family about my BIG secret???

Question

I've been living a kind of double life for the better part of 15 years. I'm a Male to Female cross-dresser. For the most part, I'm still in the closet, but have recently ventured out a bit as my feminine alter ego. I feel like I might be ready to take the next step and share my secret w/ some friends and family. I'm very very nervous and scared about what their reactions might be. Has anyone had any kind of similar experiences or some good advice?

Answer 1

Do they know that you cross dress, if yes...go ahead and tell them, they wont be shocked. If they dont know this...dont tell them about it...they will really be shocked to know about it. Parents have a lots of sentiments related to their wards and some times they can not take these type of things.

Answer 2

Several things are missing before I would feel comfortable giving any advice to you on this Kristi. First and foremost is how old are you? Followed by 1) are you married? 2) Any kids? and 3) Have you told your wife or the mother of your children? Before you come out to family and friends, you need to come out to your life partner (if you are married) and between the two of you, come to a consensus on this part of your life. Wives tend to have a hard time understanding the MAN they married enjoys dressing as a WOman because so many other questions pop up (are you gay, do you want a sex change, are you wanting to date other people.) Wives tend to view this information in the worst possible way with no positives to speak of. Some wives know (women are highly perceptive) and its not much of a shock, except that you've actually admitted to it, then it's no longer a suspicion, but a fact that they then have to deal with (moves from the back of the mind to the front). This is a hard subject because you have no control over the responses, or what the family/friend member may be actually feel towards crossdressing or if they equate it (wrongly) with gay, trans-sexualism, etc. It's one thing to see a picture of you at Halloween all dolled up, another to arrive on the front porch decked out. This is one of those areas that you have to work hard at, knowing the person you are about to tell as best you can and trying to figure out if they are going to go off the deep end on you, or be completely supportive becasue they know the "real" you, irregardless of what clothes you are wearing!

We always fear that we don't know or understand, so take some time first to get to know your friends and family more than you already have, and once you deem them worthy of your secret, approach them singly and discuss things in a calm, heartfelt way.

Stay away from group show and tell, you can't tell where the first rock will come from and it inhibits the truth, because once the pack senses where the rest are going, they will follow the dominant leader and you really have no control over things once the ballon goes up.

Also remember once the word is out, you can't bring it back and how people use it once it is common knowledge can be dangerous. But you may find that they are understanding and accepting, which is my wish for you. Good Luck!

Answer 3

As for your friends, and much of your family, they probably already have an idea of your BIG secret.

As a friend on the receiving end of just such a "revelation" I was really just like, "You didn't think I could have guessed that?"

The family might be a little more difficult. I would start with small things, like liking to wear more feminine colors or carrying a woman's hand bag, then work up to telling them you like to dress all out in chick clothes. Baby steps.

Answer 4

i do not comprehend why it can be so devastating. If i have been 50 and my mothers and fathers were useless and someone advised me they purely were given married because i became accidently conceived i does no longer have a melt down. there is not any longer some thing you may do about it, and she will't really get very indignant at them because it received't help (on account that they at the on the spot aren't from now on alive to confront). i do not imagine that is that vast of a deal, at age 50 there are extra important issues to imagine about. i imagine i could tell her except she's some form of emotional smash 24/7 (exterior of being a modern widow). both way no longer some thing is going to regulate between you and your siblings. Your mothers and fathers getting married a at the same time as in the past for a particular reason has no longer some thing to do with you presently. They nonetheless raised her as their personal and she in all likelihood does no longer have an interest in sorting out who her genuine dad is on account that he became never there to commence with. he raised her, he's her dad.

Answer 5

Well, are you coming out as a cross-dresser or coming out because you are gay? Many books in this issue suggest preparation, knowledge and a plan for coming out.. Do you cmoe out to your family, co-workers or just close friends?There are advantages and disadvantages to both. There are counselors now who specialize in suggestions and how to prepare you when 'coming out'.

Read and be informed before you do. Not because it will change your mind, but because you can then have literature, info on PFLAG, etc to give to those who you are telling. There will be many questions and that is more what you will need to have answers for.

Answer 6

I'm not in your shoes, but why tell anyone? Are you going to be dressing when you visit them? Do you want help? Or do you just want to be able to leave bras around your house without having to put everything away before guests come over?

If you're worried or unsure about how people will react, I'd keep quiet, unless there's a compelling reason.

But if you feel you must tell, use words. Don't show up in a gown and makeup and say "TA-DA!"

I think I'd rather hear it conversationally, like

you: "that's a nice dress. Do you think I'd look good in it?"
me: "HUH?"
you: "I like to wear women's clothes sometimes. Do you think I'd look good in that dress?"

Answer 7

no but there is one point in time where someone has something big to let out. mine was i was pregnant. but this is you, this is your true self and you shouldnt act like somebody just because it seems to please people or people accept you better. you are going to have to take chances. you wanna live life without all this stress and hiding, right? I mean someones going to find out somehow. Dont be scared. From my opinion, if my son was that way, id be shocked at first, and quite, but i would accept him and love him the same way i did before. be proud hunny, because you are an individual, and you should make yourself one, and not blend in. Don't listen to the negative people. I have faith in you!!!!

Answer 8

WOW...This is a huge secret especially if you aren't careful who you allow to know this new girl...I recent came through the process but mine was reversed of yours.....I recently told my mom that the "girl" she was raising was really a "boy".....She still refuses to call me Liam or use male pronouns......You just have to be very careful of who you let know this if not you could end up in the hospital or worse....There are a lot of people who don't like us or understand why we do what we do....

Answer 9

I think you should be open and honest. They are your family, they will love you regardless. At first, it will be a shocker, and that is to be expected but you are entitled to live your life the way you choose. But when you do come clean, don't rub it in their face.

A very close relative told me (or I found out) two years ago, when asked he admitted. It was devasting -- I even sought counseling from my pastor. But you know what, I love him even more for sharing his "life" with me.

Since telling me we talk almost everyday and we continue to be very close, sharing everything.

Hang in there and good luck!

Answer 10

no similiar experience, but my good advice will u is to be, always START with close friends first, they're usually e ones tat is more open about it. n if u have siblings, then start to show them. dun scare them, but just tell them about it. tell them how u must b in this way to feel good, tell them they dun have to accept it, n they dun have to try to change u, but juz acknowledged e facts for now. things will go on from there. subsequently, try to give them more exposure to let them get used to e idea. b ready to face lots of criticism, but it's a necessary step.