Hi. This isn't really directly about single parenting although my mom is a single parent. And I'm an only child and I really need advice, actually I need counseling but I'm too embarrased to go. Anyways, I'm 24, my mom had my life completly planned for me. College first, find a great career, then meet a guy (who she imagined in her head also that is Mr. Perfect), get married and have a kid or two. That's exactly what she told me. And here I am, did one year of college (I'm ADD, college is near impossible for me), I live with my fiance and have -oh my god!-"premarital sex", and I'm not rich of course. My family is so hard core baptist conservative Republicans, I've never met anybody like them in the real world. My cousins who are my competition in life to be as good as they are and are my same age, one is a aeronautical engineer for Rolls-Royce making over 150k a year, one works for the Department of Labor and writes speeches for the President, and the other one I'm not exactly sure what she does but she's married to a pastor and vacationning in Italy right now, need I say more. I, work at a book distributor and make minimum wage and I'm not with Mr. Perfect. All I ever hear from her is how much I'm "tearing her heart out" by the way I'm living my life and she keeps telling me about this great "plan she and God had for my life and it just hurts her so much that I won't just go move back in with her and live my life according to 'Gods plan' and go to college, find a great career and then meet a great guy". I think I'm doing pretty good in life I'm renting a small house, I have everything I need in life including a 54' TV and concert stereo system (rentway) and I'm in love with a really nice guy who wants to marry me and have kids but I have to keep hearing from her how much it "hurts her to watch me destroy my life". And I just can't take it anymore. I'm so depressed and she makes me that way. I know she just wants the best for me and I know her way is the better way of life, that's just not the life that I could live up to and circumstances, and yes mistakes, brought me to where I am now but I'm happy now except I can never really be happy because her guilt won't let me be. What can I say to her to make her understand and love me for me and not who she wanted me to be. And how can I not let the burden she puts on me make me miserable? She lives in Leave It To Beaver world and just doesn't get it. Oh by the way, she's a drug and alchohol counselor, she's never done either in her life but whatever. So me drinking a beer on Friday night is one of the biggest sins in the world. Anyways, what can I say to her and how do I not let this tear me apart?
2007-03-30 02:57:52 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
wish you were just a puppet so you can be whatever your mom wants you to be. horrible! It's so sad that sometimes the person that you expect who could understand you the most is the person who'll hurt you that bad. your mom needs to realize that your being not perfect for her doesn't make you less as her daughter. let her watch the movie because i said so maybe she'll relate herself on that.
2007-03-30 03:09:51 · answer #1 · answered by mearth_dreamer86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. It is high time you stand up to her.(your mother)
"and I know her way is the better way of life"? How do you know this? I have been in your shoes with my father. My brother and sister have gotten their H.S. diplomas and I got a GED. (what a major no no according to dad) I have been having premarital sex since I can remember and have had a child as a result of it. (another no no) I have also been having Friday night beers since who knows when. I finally had to tell my dad that, not everyone is perfect and we walk the path that we choose. I feel that if you just make a stand and let the parents know that you are in charge of your own life and stand behind the decisions that you make, you are ok. Yeah sometimes we get in a bind but, who doesn't? I'm sure your mother has made mistakes in her life and she probably just doesn't want you to do the same. Well, It happens(mistakes) every now and then. Just let her know that you are happy in what you are doing. (if you are) And that you will be okay. Also let her know that this your life your talking about it's not hers anymore. She just wants to know that you will be okay. You will be fine. Trust me. I am now 33 years of age, I have an A.A in Business Management, my own 4 BR2BA house, a 1 yr old car and a 6mo. old truck Not to mention a son and Fiance to die for. And will be getting married in 8mos. Trust me you should be fine. Live a little. Let your mother know that no matter what you do in life, you will always be her little girl.
Lots of luck and best wishes!
2007-03-30 03:32:51 · answer #2 · answered by DREAMER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she hasn't gotten the picture that you are happy with your way oflife than she probably won't unless SHE gets some counseling or something drastic happens. I do recommend that you get some counseling. It helped me out a lot when I was lost. Other than that, live your life as you see fit and try to hold on to your happiness. Also, never give up on college. I am finally getting started next fall, but I am doing it in my own time. Internet courses and only a few credits a quarter. I am sure if you look into your local community college they will have a program or two that might help you with your ADD. And remember, she is your mother and you love her, but that doesn't mean she gets to rule your life. Good luck, I wish the best for you!
2007-03-30 03:11:28 · answer #3 · answered by Salamander 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are 24 and have chosen to be with your fiance as you love him, but it doesn't meet up to your moms approval of her "leave it to beaver world"...I would sit her down, and tell her straight from your heart that You Are Happy...and it will never be HER Dream of who you are....You are who you are and you're happy with that....ask her WHY can't she be happy for you?? Perhaps your mom doesn't quite understand your life...and why you didn't turn out like your cousins etc......but give her Your Reality Check and let her know in no uncertain terms This Is Who You Are and if she doesn't accept or like it...too bad so sad sorry bout her luck. Then let her know...God has his own path of how ppl live and she's not god.
But seems to me, no matter what you tell her, she won't get it. Therefore only YOU and YOU ALONE can lift yourself up from out of her 'spell' and move on with your life. Don't keep waiting for HER approval.......if she starts going off on you....don't allow her to. Stand up for yourself in a respectful manner and let her know you're an adult now and if she doesn't like how you're living your life..........that's fine...but you don't want or need to hear about it unless she has something Positive to say.
I would also suggest you do go to counselling..It really does help to have an outsider who is qualified to help you get through these put put downs your mother keeps throwing your way which is hindering your life as you're not feeling good enough to do anything without her permission of approval. Don't feel embarrassed or scared to HELP Yourself.....Counselling is not a bad thing* It really does help~ Goodluck and stay strong* Keep on Smlin*
2007-03-30 03:30:17 · answer #4 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
welcome to the real world lol. Moms are like that. They have everything planned out for us. But they forget we are not a child anymore. We have to live, for if we don't we can't make mistakes and we can't be a better person. Don't stress out over your mom just take her as she is and remember this is your life. Life is too short not to live. So what if we take the wrong path we can turn around and try another one and if that one doesn't work there are many more to try till we get the right one for us. The same path is not right for every one that's why god made us as individuals, different. I know I've disappointed my mom at times but she got over it. Maybe because we talk, we may have different opinions but I learned to just listen because you never know when sometime she may give you advice that you can use.
2007-03-30 03:26:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom if she says that to you again that you won't call or come around anymore until she apologizes and seriously stops with the put downs. Then follow through with that statement. Just don't make the treat and not doing anything about it or she will keep on and on. You are an adult making your own life and she needs to respect that and be happy that you are alive and not a junkie or in jail...
2007-03-30 03:40:59 · answer #6 · answered by WOOOOO Whooo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats wrong with a leave it to beaver world i love that show and wish i lived then or earlier in time anyway just dont tell her as much about your life tell her you are thinking about going back to college and that you and your bf are planning on getting married within the next 5 years or 2 years or something set a date get married and get her off your back plus then you will be married!! also just try to better yourself thats all she really wants for you is for you to have a good life
2007-03-30 06:20:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I have the same problem. My mom wanted me to go to college and good stuff like that and she wasn't happy with my decisions either. But I showed her that my plan for MY life is working out great for me and that I couldn't be happier. I mean it didn't happen right away I had to give her some time but she eventually came around. So just show her that you can be happier and successful and she'll come around too once she See's that you can make your own decisions and making great progress. Good Luck!!
2007-03-30 03:23:07 · answer #8 · answered by Proud_Mommy82708 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let mommy dearest know that God does indeed have a plan for all of us and if that is the way you are living then that was Gods plan all along. Tell her to suck it in and accept it or go against Gods life plan for you!!
2007-03-30 03:40:05 · answer #9 · answered by Blue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
parents always want the best for their children, but everyone learn their life in their own way. that is supposed to be. u sound happy and comfortable with you life. see your mom frequently, visit her always and bring along your fiance. try not to lose your temper (if you had one) to whatever she said about your life. always convince her that you r happy with the life you have now. say nicely to her and pursue her to accept it. do it over and over again. if you could be patient, someday, sooner or later she will accept just the way u want it to be. work on it
2007-03-30 03:11:39 · answer #10 · answered by anne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋