What do I do. I have been married so long I haven't dated or been with another guy for over 20 years. This guy is good looking and very nice. He flirts with me every chance he gets and emails me. It is excitng but I feel like I still have some commimment to my husband who left me and my children and moved away (out of our home town)
Do I encourgage the flirting - take it to the next step... what do you think?
2007-03-30 02:53:02 · 38 answers · asked by Confussedhere 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Paprklp - just to note... husband left me and our children he did not take my kids. He left alone (or at least I think he is alone) I dont even know his new address.
2007-03-30 03:03:20 · update #1
YOUR husband left you and the kids.. You have NO OBLIGATION to him whatsoever!!! Do you understand that? He left you! He doesnt need you, you dont need him.
There is another man who wants to take care of you, and I think you should give it a shot to see where it goes! You deserve better, and maybe this is your prince.
2007-03-30 02:56:30 · answer #1 · answered by Encouragement 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is of course a good chance your husband left you for another woman. But regardless you have no responsibility to him as he has betrayed you.
You don't mention divorce. I assume you have not filed and neither has he. Why? If he left both you and the children there is not much chance he will be back and even if he did why would you ever take him back.
So get that divorce and start paying attention to the attention you are getting. You must get over him and move on.
As far as encouraging the flirting just make sure he understands all that is going on with you. Just be careful you don't jump at something on the rebound. It is so easy to do and you will regret it later. But a little fun now is just what you need. I would think more than ever now you need to know you are cared for. Have fun but be very careful what you do.
2007-03-30 03:17:27 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, you are the one with the ball in your court and that is great. As a woman you always hold the controls to the dating game. If you flirt, he will always flirt back and if you stop he will let up some. You need to think about your children too. How old are they? Are they old enough to sit with and talk a little bit to about the situation? Maybe you should hang out with this guy just for coffee or get a drink out and chat. Just feel things about. If you click, GREAT! If not, it's ok you have other things going on. If he is really a good guy he will understand your situation. Just be honest about it and take it one step at a time. GOOD LUCK!
2007-03-30 02:59:01 · answer #3 · answered by Hannah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are still married,and yes you do have moral obligation to the marriage. However with that said take the flirting as a help to get over your hubby,and file for divorce unless you think there is a chance he will come back,unkess you dont want him and i would totaly understand that. But it would not be good for your children to see you just hop into another relationship even while married. You must be attrative and a nice lady, dont lable yourself any differently with doing something while still married,like your missing hubby has done. What he has done is a disgrace to mankind,and if there was an issue he should address it with you,and you two work on it.
2007-03-30 03:02:16 · answer #4 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are feeling is natural. 20 years is a long time to be committed to someone and no switch you flip to turn it off. I imagine you have been flirted with over the years, but did not notice. Your husband was a lucky man. So now you move forward. Your pace is your own pace. Sometimes the deeper the commitment the stronger the pang. Don't force yourself to let go, you will as time moves along. You will find your desire and behavior less and less attached to this commitment. One day you will be free of it all together. For now when the pang hits, just breath out slowly and let a deep breath enter.
2007-03-30 03:17:16 · answer #5 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you should get in contact with your husband. You still feel like you have committment to him so you need closure. Talk to him about working things out and see where it goes. You need to tell him that he can't just leave again because it's not fair to you or the kids. If he agrees and you still want him then you can get together again. If not then you should move on and have fun with other people. Until then you should just relax. If you found out that your husband had been seeing other women while he was with you I'm sure that you would be sad. He'll feel the same way if he finds out about the other guy.
2007-03-30 02:58:49 · answer #6 · answered by Vince R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the whole story but I would suggest making sure you are divorced before you start looking for a relationship. It might sound like a long time but because you have your kids you wouldn't want your husband coming back and fighting for the kids in court. If you already have a divorce then go ahead and flirt back but keep your kids in mind and don't let him meet them right away until you know he might be the one.
Don't forget to listen to your kids when they do meet this new person because they are the ones that will be with you forever and men you can always catch another one.
good luck
2007-03-30 03:02:19 · answer #7 · answered by VC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont get into another before sorting the one out. Sort out your case with your husband and be sure there is no chance of a resolution. Secure a proper divorce before getting involved with another person. It is important that your children know where you are with their father: not half way here or there. Sadly, it is called adultery of you take this to the next level.
2007-03-30 03:04:41 · answer #8 · answered by Elder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are recently divorced. That'd be why you still feel some commitment to your husband. (I assume soon-to-ex-husband??)
In some ways, it feels like this new guy is moving too fast - but you can control that. Sure - take it to the next step. Just make sure you know that there are some guys who are NOT interested in marriage as an ultimate goal.
2007-03-30 03:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband left you. he even moved out of town! If this other guy is appealing to you take it slow. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. If I were you and after 20 years my hubby left and moved out of town..I would move on and go out for fun with other men. You need a life too. This guy might be a winner. Let him know though that you need time to get used to flirting again.
2007-03-30 02:57:51 · answer #10 · answered by Stefbear 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Move on, forget your ex. Are you ready for a new relationship? Does this new guy WANT a relationship OR just a couple of nights stand? Are you willing to give in for a short term or long term relationship? I would suggest you take it slowly and REALLY get over your ex and start to live YOUR LIFE and regain your self confidence as a person... Such a long marriage really sucks one's individuality out of you and I think you should get it back before running into another relationship... Take care.
2007-03-30 02:59:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋