Hubby and kids how to explain??

Question

Have been married 6 yrs but have had a long standing on an off affair with an ex.bf that i am 100% sure he is father of my 3 yr old son because i was seperated from my hubby when son was concieved but we moved to try make it work and i never told ex.bf .My relationship with hubby is not good he cheated on me, i cheated on him in retaliation we stayed together for money.My ex.bf is married now to somone else for last 4 yrs.Problem is my hubby and i are now divorcing he wants to bring all this info into court.My daughter 5 yrs old will also be getting a paternity test to see if she is my hubbys or not.How can i explain to them whats going on?

My hubby does not even seem to care how its going to effect them?Hubby had a child (son) from an affair but thats not going to get dragged into the court room.

Answer 1

Might as well sit down and tell them the whole ugly truth now; it's going to be in their faces anyway, might as well know the truth from you.

Answer 2

You have created quite a soap opera for yourself. The best thing you can do is to sit down with your children and explain it to them much as you did in your question.

Since you are already getting divorced and your husband does not believe all the children are his, you should get the paternity tests that he asked for and tell your lawyer the full story. Your husband will hear the story from his lawyer and you will not have to be with him at the time.

Hopefully you have learned a great deal through this experience and will divorce a guy who cheats on you rather than retaliating. You have ended in a much worse position by retaliation than you would have had you divorced after his cheating. You might even have married your ex-boyfriend rather than having an affair with him.

He has ruined his marriage as well. He may end up getting a divorce too if his wife finds out about his cheating.

Take care and Good Luck,
Troy

Answer 3

Because your hubby aknowledged and condoned your infidelidy and you his , there are only 2 main sticking points right now ,Paternity and aknowledgement.I don't believe you should discuss either subject untill you are sure of your facts.There is no reason for your kids to be in court or listening in on conversation pretaining to the devorce. Your hubby is considered the father and that can and could continue into the future as long as the children are growing up. When the kids are 13 or 15 or so set them down and give them the fats of life and just the info the pretains to them. Good luck

Answer 4

3 and 5 are to young to understand much. Answer whatever questions they ask as simply and honestly as you can, without throwing blame at your husband. Do everything you can to avoid having them caught in the middle of a war. For now, just tell them the paternity test is just a check up with the Dr., or another shot they need, something like that. If you aren't living with your husband and they ask why, tell them you are arguing and it's not their fault. Tackle the affairs and paternity when you have to.

Answer 5

I think that you should just sit her down and tell her that none of this is her fault, sometimes things just don't work out, let her know that she is loved very much, and that everything will be worked out soon, as far as your husband telling the courts about your cheating, you both cheated so its not going to make a diff. must of this stuff will be worked out before you ever see a court room. Good luck, Keep your head up, life goes on, time you the both of you to move on. Take care your your baby's, that all that matters now.

Answer 6

Your children are both to young to be told the whole story. they will not sit in court and hear all this. It is up to you and your soon to be ex to tell them just enough, that mommy and daddy can be friends but can not be married anymore. As far as a DNA test they will not tell your kids what it is for, just that they are going to tickle the inside of their mouth with a Q-tip. You need to get both kids into counseling and get some yourself, this is going to be a long road ahead it looks like. Don't lie to the kids and tell them that Daddy is just going away, be honest there. When I had to explain divorce to my 4 year old I just told her that sometime mommies and daddies get along better when they don't live in the same house. And that we don't like all the fighting that we do because we live in the same house. I reassured her that we both still loved her and she did not cause this that is very important. Good Luck

Answer 7

First I would be bringing his other child into court if he is bringing this up.
Second - just tell the children it is some blood test to make sure everything is alright. Some times people get routine blood work

Answer 8

Why did you two even get married in the first place? Now there are innocent children involved and no one seems to be sure who the father is. Why didnt either of you use protection? Good grief.

Answer 9

You sound like a completely selfish and rotten woman! I hope that your husband brings all of this to court and you don't get a penny for child support from him. You cango after the REAL father if you want financial help!

Answer 10

This is another example of a child having to pay for their parents being unfaithful and lose...Your daughter is going to need counseling because of the choices that you have made..

Answer 11

Don't explain anything until after the tests are done. I seen an ex of mine explain to one of his son's that he wasn't the real father, but adopted him as his son in emotion only (not on paper). The kid was mortified and hurt extremely bad. However, he was young enough that in the end he came to grips with it easily and still calls my ex "Dad".