My husband works very close to home, and every day he comes home for lunch. Sometimes it's just him, and other times he brings his friend with him. It's a part of the day I always look forward to. But last night he told me he doesn't want to come home for lunch anymore and that he just wants to hang out with his friends from now on. Sure enough, today he didn't come home. My feelings are really hurt. Am I just being too sensitive, and what made him suddenly not want to come home for lunch?
2007-03-29 23:11:10 · 19 answers · asked by mama of two 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His sudden change would be a big red flag for me. I'd understand if he wanted to have a lunch with his friends at work a couple days here and there, but for him to end lunch at home just reeks of suspicion. I'm a fool for self punishment, I'd probably show up at his job at lunch time and see what is going on. Not that I recommend that you do that!
For what its worth, I'm really sorry for your hurt feelings and I hope everything works out for you guys.
2007-03-30 00:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by bunnyblum 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all...NO, you're not being too sensitive. If you're getting a vibe that "something's not right" it's probably the truth that something is not right.
Any way you look at this, something is wrong.
Hard to say if it's him or it's you.
The most innocent explanation could be that someone at work made him think twice about coming home for lunch. Maybe someone just said something like: "Boy, she's really got you whipped" or something like that; guys can be really sensitive to being made fun of, about being under a woman's "control."
Or it could be (again, an innocent explanation) that a friend said something like "does she make you come home every day? See what she does when you don't come home for lunch."
More suspicious would be reasons like: What about that friend that came home with him?
Hopefully it was a man... If it was a woman, there is your red flag. He's trying to set it up as an innocent thing in your eyes, so if he brought home a woman, you are both in trouble.
If it was a man, what was he like? Be a detective and go back over the lunch.
The very last resort should be a serious discussion with him. SAVE IT for later. You could say something (light!) like: "I miss having lunch together.....but I sure get a lot more done now!" or "I loved it when we got to have lunch together, but it makes dinner even better when we haven;t seen each other all day" (might I remind you, like 99% of all married couples)
Wait and see if he goes a couple of weeks without having lunch at home. Chances are that he is just taking a little break.
If he is trying to create a little space between you two, trust me: LET HIM HAVE IT. Do not smother him. I have been in a relationship where I was the one getting "smothered" and believe me, it makes you feel like all you want to do is leave! I look back now and think "he was a pretty great guy" but at the time, I didn't realize his need for me was really out of love and immaturity and insecurity ....but the only thing I wanted was OUT.
Just let him be.
It's a warning sign that he only missed one day of lunch with you, and you are freaking.
I think the problem is probably with you, but just let it BE. and let HIM be. He's a man, and they don't need nearly the same amount of contact we do. Give him space.
2007-03-30 06:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I would worry too! men are creatures of habit and when their habits change there is always cause for concern! I would send flowers to his work if possible or find a good excuse to pop in on him just before lunch and see if you can throw an interception just to see what you can "Catch" Don't do it all the time just once in a while and unannounced. Also tell him you miss him at lunch and that you really did enjoy him coming home for lunch. He might just be keeping his friend away from you because he is worried about his friend getting to "close" to you, there is the possibility that his friend said something to him about you that has made him worry about bringing the friend home. There is also the possibility that he is giving you some space to see if he can catch you doing something that you shouldn't...Either way check this over carefully but don't get angry or upset until you know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! Good Luck!
2007-03-30 06:22:44 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would ask him if there was any other reason for not wanting to have lunch with you any more, it seems a bit strange that this just suddenly happened. It really could be just that he wants to spend more time with his mates and if so then where is the harm in that at the end of the day he comes home to you every night anyway.
I don't think you are being sensitive at all maybe he just never thought how you feel about this so tell him it has hurt your feelings.
2007-03-30 06:16:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes you are being overly sensitive. think of it this way, you are working all day, the only time you get to hang and talk with your work friends is at lunch. as much as he loved coming home for lunch, he wants to have a little time with the guys. I understand your feelings got hurt and he would probably feel the same if it was reversed. but don't take it do personally. now you don't have to clean up after. go take a walk relax and enjoy this time you have for yourself. smile.
2007-03-30 06:19:58 · answer #5 · answered by Kim C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, your not too sensatitive. Something has changed for sure and I would be on my toes about it. A husband should always want to spend time with his wife. However, it is true that seperation builds desire. In this case I would be concerned since this is not good seperation time. Talk to your husband about it and tell him you really want him to come home. If he has a firm stance then there is something very pleasurable were he is taking his lunch. Find out, men like to talk about each other to anyone so get chatty with a friend who is in the loop about the work place. Something is up.
2007-03-30 06:18:16 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, unless you tell him exactly what you've just told us - you probably wouldnt know the exact answer to your question dear!!
Communication is very important. but you should not whine or nag. instead get an approach like this. in the night once you'll have had dinner and a wash and your fresh , casually tell him " i m making XX for lunch tomm and i realy want you to try it. ' and ask him is he can come and then tell him you enjoy having him for lunch but understand that he would not be able to spend alot of time . so suggest atleast once or twice a week he spends luch with you. he may then come up with his problems and you can talk it over.
2007-03-30 06:29:15 · answer #7 · answered by Ellen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don’t jump into conclusions. I think you just need to give him some space and after sometime just talk about this with him. If you go right away trying to talk to him, he myt feel as if you are pushing him and then things myt get sour. Who knows maybe he wants to be like the other guys, hanging out at lunch time rather than running home. Just be cool. Everything takes time and in time all will be ok!!
2007-03-30 06:17:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to ask him if it is that he doesn't want to come home for lunch or that he doesn't want to have luch with you?? He may truly just be tired of coming home for lunch but that does not preclude you from having lunch with him elsewhere, taking a picinic lunch to him to eat in the park or at his desk for that matter.
I think that you need to find out the reason for the change. It may be something as simple as not wanting to be in a rut and needing a change. Not a change from you but of scenery.
2007-03-30 06:16:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most men don't come home for lunch, so you were lucky it lasted so long. Most see it as a time to get together with work buddies and relax.
2007-03-30 07:31:31 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋