i have a bf for a year.... is it ok to give a chance to a person who cheated you and have an affair? and they both living in the same hause before for almost 1 month? i love this man badly and he will do anything just to prove that he made a wrong decision.. but my family are keep opossing it.. please help me...
2007-03-29 21:57:43 · 8 answers · asked by -dimples- 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Everyone deserves a second chance, but having an affair is a tougher call. How did you find out about your b/f's affair? Did you catch him in the act? or did he confess it to you of his own free will?
How you answer that may determine whether he is truly repentant or not. If you discovered the affair and confronted him, he may only be sorry that he got caught. He knows he has a good thing with you and will tell you anything to keep you. His words and actions are pure manipulation and you need to kick that boy to the curb.
If, however, he came to you and confessed his indiscretion to you because he was feeling guilty and knew it could potentially ruin your relationship, then I say he deserves a 2nd chance. But he'll have to agree to be put on a short leash for a time. People who cheat are not deserving of trust that is freely given. They must earn it back. Require him to be completely transparent with you. And that means you have access to his email, phone, friends, etc. If he doesn't agree to this arrangement for the duration it takes for you to trust him again, then you need to cut loose and go your separate ways.
Healthy relationships are built on trust. If that doesn't exist, it will never work.
I'm concerned about the fact that he and whomever he cheated with was living in the same house for a month. How did that happen?? WHY did that happen?? If he loves you, why was he living with another woman? It doesn't matter how long of a time it was...he was living with someone else. That seems to be a pretty big red flag waving right in front of your face.
Your family loves you and wants the best for you. Put yourself in their shoes. If you saw someone treating your brother or sister this way, what would YOUR advice be to him/her? Would you advise him/her to forgive and give their lover a 2nd chance even if it meant the probability of getting hurt again?
Answer these questions and then decide for yourself what you should do. Nobody can tell you what is right for YOU...except you.
2007-03-29 22:14:13 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI:)Some couples can work thru the issues when one has cheated but I don't think you can ever get over the trust part of it.I think it would be extemely difficult to get over that part of it and I think it will always sit in the back of your mind and that's not healthy for any relationship.Unfortunately ,once a cheater,always a cheater..maybe not,,but how do you know that for sure?IMO..if one feels the need to step outside the relationship then they should have the decency to end the relationship with the person they are cheating on.I have btdt and have an extremely hard time trusting people and it's very hurtful because it eats at your self-esteem and you wonder *well,what's wrong with me?*.Your family doesn't want to see you end up that kind of person and you don't want to be that person.Ultimately the decision is your's but REALLY think about what it is that YOU want..Good luck:)
2007-03-29 23:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by GoobersLyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater. Trust me I know. I am the cheater. I'm not proud of it whatsoever but I know how the story goes. There has been times that I have sworn to other people and to myself that I was never going to cheat again Because I was convinced that I was sorry for my actions. But, time and time again I keep repeating the same old mistakes.
Also there is NO WAY IN H*LL that he will not cheat on you especially with someone that he has in the past under the same roof. Save yourself another heartache and move on.
2007-03-29 22:05:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run don't walk as fast as you can away. He is living in the same house with her for a month. I know you love him, but it sounds like he wants his cake and is eating it too. Your family are opposing it for a reason. They are nosey and have your feeling in consideration but is not as blind as what we tend to walk into (as a woman especially) when you are in love....at least to another family member. They just care about you and are looking out for you.
2007-03-29 22:30:55 · answer #4 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definetly not. Once a cheater always a cheater. Your family are right
2007-03-29 22:01:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the person above...
once a cheater, always a cheater.
he'll hurt you again.
2007-03-29 22:05:49 · answer #6 · answered by Emily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you nuts???
whats wrong with you...
some one left u for other...once....
he already proved his trust worthy.....
what is the gaurantee he won go next time...
this guy is not capable of tking decision...
now he is abanding the one wwith whom he went...
next is you...
be wise....
u dont deserve a second hand guy....do you???
2007-03-29 22:06:25 · answer #7 · answered by little d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with your family -
he can only hurt you again - if you let him
BYE !
2007-03-29 22:00:25 · answer #8 · answered by tom4bucs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋