Why does everyone hate me?

Question

Well okay maybe not everyone hates me but why does it feel like they all do? When I say they I mean pretty much everyone I am associated with. I always thought I was a likable person... have I been wrong?

I am myself or I try to be... what I mean by that is I dont try to be like everyone else... I am quiet naturally but when I am with my friends can be outgoing and laugh...

I work hard... I have two jobs and at both I do the best I possibly can do...

I try to do everything possible to make people happy with me so they dont hate me...

I am not loud and obnoxious to other people

I am very friendly to other people all the time. (part of my customer service skills I guess)

I listen to everyone else when they need to talk...

I try not to overbear with my own troubles...

So what is wrong with me? I talked to a friend 10 min before she was done at work and she said she was coming over... she never showed didnt call or anything. None of my other friends ever return

my phone calls or e-mails.
the things I do to make myself faster at work so the other girls dont hate me isnt good enough

I am not too beautiful but yet I am not ugly... and coming from my mouth that is quite a big aknowlegement for me consider some of the stuff i have been through

Answer 1

Quite the contrary. You ARE beautiful. You are very considerate and have a kind heart inside. You don't know it yet, but you probably have very beautiful physical features as well. You just haven't figured it out yet. Trust me on this. When you love yourself unconditionally you will never doubt your beauty. You will know with or without others' agreeance that you are beautiful. But that will come in time.

I saw so much of myself when I read this. I used to be the same way. I was very modest and sooo worried about offending other people that I went out of my way to make sure that they were in comfort even if it put me in a bind. I was being the best that I could be for myself and trying to be considerate of everyone else as well. Doesn't work. There will always be a conflict. Somebody will always want something that you cannot give or expect you to deny yourself something to indulge them. Thats unfair.

I think that the problem here is that you are far too concerned with how other people perceive you. They are not as concerned with making you feel better.They don't call to cancel or acknowledge because they know that sweet little missy will forgive them. And you always do. (but it hurts you so much--you'll never tell them though). You probably allow them to by saying things like 'its ok if you cant make it i understand' or 'dont go out of your way for me' or 'i dont mean to be a bother, but...' stop doing this. You are sending them the message that you are ok with getting stood up.

Guess what else? Strangers see all of the wonderfulness that you are. But they are not as considerate. They are jealous. They will never make that much effort to accommodate other people and they interpret your kindness as 'sucking up' or being 'too nice' . Basically they think you are fake. YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT. Usually it is the beautiful women with the kind hearts that are the targets of gossip and rumors. Other people feel threatened and feel they must 'destroy' what they cannot be. Consider it a compliment.

As far as friends go, trust me nobody hates you. They just take you for granted. In a way its a compliment, you are like their rock they know you will be there. BUT it is not healthy for you to take on the burdens of other people and they not return the favor. You NEED to 'overbear' someone with your problems. Somebody needs to listen to your complaints and venting. They need to know that you are a real person too.
You know what people think? 'Sweet little missy' has it all together. Shes got 2 jobs that she rocks at and shes so happy all the time, her life is so awesome. Maybe she can give me advice.' they dont ask about your problems because they cant tell that you are hurting. You have to put it out there to someone u trust. Tell them and encourage conversation about it.




On the other hand, you may be imagining all of this. Maybe you're just blowing things out of proportion. Your friend may not have called because she was dog tired and just had to get some rest. Your other friends might not return your calls for various reasons.

Your life may be a little cluttered, as mine was, and you may be even overwhelmed. You could just be assuming that people dont like you because of this state when in reality they have no clue they are hurting you!

This might be a sign of depression. I'm not a doctor but I struggle(d) with depression and even the tiniest thing would make me believe that someone hated me (omg he did NOT speak to me after I waved at him! That jerk blew me off! He must be mad at me about something!)


My point is this: Nobody hates you. And if they do or not, if you love yourself 100%, allow no one to control how you feel and have a more positive outlook you will be OK. Do this tommorrow when you censor yourself because it 'might' offend someone, try going for it. Chances are nobody cares and you can start living more free. There will ALWAYS be someone who doesn't agree with what you say or do. If you try to please that undeserving jerk, then you will never be happy. You need to do what makes you feel good sweetie. The sooner the better, you'll realize how much sweeter life is for you AND for those around you. They might be interpreting your behavior the wrong way. They might think youre the good girl, they could be walking on eggshells around you!

Show them who you really are--- I promise you, they will LOVE it!

Answer 2

A person only finds a few good friends they can count on, you may just need to keep looking. It is rude to not return calls and to no show a person. I had some friends like that, but it got old and I quit calling them. We don't really talk anymore and I have other friends from work which are there for me when I need them. Hang in there, people today are just not respectful and sometimes don't realize when they hurt your feelings. Talk to your friend and find out why they didn't at least call you. They may have a good reason. Don't get down on yourself.

Answer 3

Some people feel that way from time to time...

Maybe try and make yourself more fun to hang around with...
Being liked doesnt necessarily mean doing all those things above... Its the way you make people feel when you interact.

Doing nice things for people (even little ones) are great. But unfortunately not everyone will notice it, and thus you get no credit. And even if you do, you might be setting yourself up to be used!

Try improving on having fun with your friends. And making sure they really enjoy being in your company. Focus more on that than doing those little things they probably take for granted anyways.

Besides, over the years. I realized that... apparently usage and how fun you are will get you more company.... but not all friends are like that.....
Also, those little stupid things I do. Really got me no where.

Plus... being shy doesnt help either, try being more talkative. Talking to shy-er people than you is a good place to start/train.

Answer 4

i don't think its you it them. they don't know what kind of friend they are missing with you. i would go to work do my own thing i would talk to them if they talked to me. be nice and yes be yourself. i would also come right out and ask that person why they never showed up when they said they were coming over. start meeting people other ways. like join something in your spare time. but be careful of the people you choose as friends cause you may feel so desperate to have a friend that you may meet one that will get you in alot of trouble. the other thing is they may be jealous of you. maybe because you do work 2 jobs or you have a nicer place it so hard to tell. but start asking them why they don't come over when they say they will. i hope you find a TRUE friend not just a phony one. good luck :)

Answer 5

Maybe you don't notice that what you're doing could be hurting or offending others. Maybe what you think isn't obnoxious to you may be obnoxious to others. Or maybe the people you're surrounded with are a bunch of jerks. I've seen how competitive it can get in the work place where people pull each other down to get on top. Ask your real good friends/parents/close sibling to be honest with you and tell you what you can change about youself for improvement. If they honestly think you're fine then something's wrong with all those people! Remember, you can't please everyone. Good luck!

Answer 6

ok... i now it feels like everyone hates you, but maybe ur just around the wrong ppl. you sound like a good person to me, that cares about others.it doesn't make sense to me either really. you seem like a likable person. try not to let it get you down, i know it is easer said than done. really though, maybe just try to find other ppl to talk to. ppl can be crappy sometimes. sry you feel this way, i wish i could do more for you. but i dont thinkyou should try to make everyone happy....its impossible, just be urself and a good friend wouldn't expect anything more. : )

Answer 7

I think your so called "feel - good" is too much dependant on others reactions. Become a little self centered, gal!! Enjoy in your own company. Get a hobby!!!
If nothing works, I tell you a secret. Start loving God!!! Then you will feel like heaven on this earth. He will give you more love than anyone else ever can.

Answer 8

You are trying too hard to make people like you. If you were as personable as you think you are, people would love being around you. Try to look at yourself with a more critical eye. If you have this problem with everyone, the problem is most likely you. People might think you try too hard at work. You must not have the people skills you think you do. Maybe you don't share enough of yourself with others. Maybe one of your friends will critique you. If so that is your best bet to finding out what your problem is.

Answer 9

Kudos for staying true to yourself. Don't change for anyone! It seems that you already compromise enough for people. If your friends are ignoring you (i.e. making plans with you and then never showing up), drop them! You will soon find a new group of friends that will appreciate you for who you truly are. In the mean time, don't worry about it. Enjoy flying solo and spend some time really getting to know who you are and what you want in life.

Answer 10

alot of times people are too busy with their own lives to worry about other people. Its usually not against the particular person, just that the world is getting rather self oriented.

Maybe you should suggest a fun night with several different friends. If it sounds really inviting to them..theyll probably go.

Answer 11

What you are expressing doesn't sound like "Hate"...they may be "indifferent" but unless they specifically express resentment or disparage you, I wouldn't take it for granted that anyone hates you.
You are siting many qualities that are very admirable but do you genuinely feel that way about yourself and project it ??
Are your expectations off people reasonable ???
Everyone has their own preoccupations and don't always respond just the way that we would like them to...Maybe they are just having a bad day: Just don't presume that it's YOU .
They say that you have to love/like yourself before anyone else will.