Is it to late for my husband to adopt my son?

Question

My son is 14 & my husband has raised him from the age of 3, (bio dad is loser & not in picture) I, having been married before;wasnt to quick to have my husband adopt my son until I felt our marriage, & my husband and my son had a real strong foundation. well 11yrs &2 more siblings into our family, we are wanting to solidify our family by proceeding with the adoption. I havent told my son yet. But in passing I mention the possiblity of his name being not change but hyphened like his younger brothers(ex from john smith to john smith-jones) I in turn was given a smart remark of"I dont want a long name thats so stupid" I am looking at the long term, but I realize I am dealing with a teen (who is hot & cold up & down min to min) I want to consider what he wants, but he's also very immature. In the past when he's had his"I hate the world moods" he's said that he feels angry that his siblings have their dad & he doesnt have his "real" one even though my husband has loved them all the same

Answer 1

Never too late.............

Answer 2

It isn't too late but there are a lot of things to consider. I married a second time when my sons were 5 and 2. He loved my children to death. They called him Dad and he embraced that role. He wanted to adopt them.

But 5 years at a stressful job and a the 10 month stress of a cancer scare with my youngest son led to our relationship's demise. What I thought would never end did in fact end...

I am remarried and don't consider the adoption thing at all...my son's old stepdad is still in their lives though. It's awesome. He still sees them as his...but to go through the adpotion process and then have that happen it would have been unbelievably difficult on everyone.

You need to talk to your son about the situation...what does he want? Rather than adoption you could even consider an official Dad-Son ceremony...This should be able to be done...sort of similar to a medallion ceremony when marrying again after having kids. The Dad-Son ceremony may show your son that Dad is committed to him...and wants everyone to know it...it could be just what he needs.

Answer 3

giving him his last name isn't going to change his thinking,he's still not his natural borned son like the other 2,your husband has obviously stepped up to the plate as a dad,that name isn't going to change him one way or another,

Answer 4

If he is 14, ask HIM what he wants. He may be confused. A part of him may want nothing more than to legally be your husband's son. But there may be the part of him that is hoping his own dad will one day show up and be the dad he was supposed to be. Have you thought about counseling? Teens have alot of stress and new hormones kicking in as it is. Adding this to it, may just make it more stressful for him. Just ask him what he wants and suggest counseling.

Answer 5

At your first sons age it should be his idea. Don't push anything as it can cause problems between your son and step-dad. He is plenty old enough to make up his own mind. Clearly there are problems here and you will only make them worse.