What do you honestly think of this poem?

Question

“One Saying – But is it Mine?”

One saying,
Only this one,
One saying,
And boy is it fun!

There was a time,
So long ago,
When sayings and poems,
They were alike.

But now that this poem,
About one saying,
Is here and written out,
There is some wonder,
Some worry perhaps,
That makes one ask:
“Is this saying yours?”

Answer 1

Kinda stupid. I think it's ok, but one line really stands out to me and kinda ruins it.

"And boy is it fun!". Maybe you could think of a new line there.

Answer 2

Hello. To be honest the writing seems in my view pointless, need better overall construction in grammar and such, and is like an endless circle of nothingness. The point of poetry is to make a statement, to convey something, and therefore this lacks such qualities. It sounds like a poem a teenager would write, which is what I'd presume. Telling at least (at last) what the saying actually was could spruce it up some making it less vague and such. I'd recommend you to redo it, put more substance in it, and let it really say something. Even if you're trying to be enigmatical to hide yourself in it, which is another thing I wonder, still give more to keep the reader(s) interested.

Answer 3

I think that who ever wrote this poem really has a gift for writing and should perhaps seek a career as a professional poet. One thing that I would change, however if the line "And boy is it fun!" it stands out in the poem and does not make it flow. You need more flow to your poem, my advice is repeat lines it gives your poem more of a structure.

Answer 4

Honestly I like it but, It looses meaning without the title. I mean if not for the title I wouldn't understand how you got to asking "Is this saying your's". It feels more like you're asking me if it's mine. When I read the title I get something completely different. Now it's like you're asking yourself is this you writing. Are you being yourself or someone else. I think it's because you switch from first to second to third person all in one poem. Which done the right way could make this poem even more interesting. That would mean you're confused even more as to who you are. I hope you can get what I mean. I like the poem and it's words are meaningful but scattered somewhat. I would love to share some of my poems with you. If you're interested email me anytime.

Answer 5

Well done, it's not really deep and youre not trying to clarify an international confusion, but its extremely well written.

People who try to write deep poems often confused in the midst of the topics they're writing about meaning that the poem turns out terribly.

But this is really well written, and now, what is that saying?

Answer 6

I like the the sonnet in iambic pentameter. Poems are mathematical as well as art. I don't like your rhyme scheme or structure. I like the sonnet rhyme scheme:

ABAB CDCD EFEF GG, with iambic meter of 10 syllables.

A long time ago poems were brilliant art, (10 syllables, would rhyme with line three, two with four, ABAB)
enriching, spiritual. Read the masters around Shakespears time, Ben Johnson, etc.

Answer 7

It's interesting...good question on ownership. The only thing that I had issue with was the line "And boy is it fun!" It felt out of place. The rest felt serious but that did not, I can't determine the saying as it is not told so I don't know if it is fun or not.

My 2 cents

Answer 8

I think it is great and you have a wonderful imagination- keep all the doors in life open so you can decide which one to go through- you know- you may be the next Shakespeare!

Answer 9

Applaud your effort, but needs work. Feels almost more like a song verse..

Answer 10

i like this poem of yours
you have a creative mind with a big imagination

Answer 11

I gave it a fair chance but there is nothing interesting about this poem. sorry.