My parents are probably going to get a divorce. I'm 14 yrs old and I may have to choose who I live with. HELP!

Question

My parents are going to get a divorce. They're saying that it's not set in stone, but I just know it's going to happen. As a 14 year old, I can't help but blame myself, even though I know it's not my fault. I also have this issue about custody. I'm not sure if I'm ready to decide who I love more and would rather live with. My life is just WAY to confusing right now, and I'm under soooooo much stress, that even my grades are beginning to drop, and I'm a straight A student! I need MAJOR help right now, because my life is just being turned upside down! ALL HELP IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!

And By the way, I'm not going to choose a best answer. I'm sure all of your guys' answers will be helpful!

Answer 1

I'm an adult, and can't even comprehend having to make a decision like the one you are facing at 14. It stinks that you have to decide which parent to live with. If one parent moves to a different school district, then you would have to change schools. Stay with the parent that will change your life and schedule less than the other, and explain that it doesn't mean you love that parent more, but you can't handle the added stress up altering your life anymore than it is going to be already.

Answer 2

It isn't your fault. I hope you can really know and believe that so it doesn't have a bad effect on you for your future and future relationship.

Custody is not about 'picking' who you love more. Sometimes parents make it about that, but it's really not. You will always love both your parents even if they have some bad behavior.

If they live close enough together they can share custody so you can visit every other week or every other two weeks if you can remain at the same school. If one is moving out of hte school district, that takes the choice out of your hands if you want to remain in the same school, then you can visit the other parent 3 weekends a month, spend holidays there, etc.

Try not to worry about it too much. If it really gets to you, ask if you can talk to a counselor to help you sort through your feelings. Hugs to you.

Answer 3

There is much you need to do here. First remember this it is their issues that is making this divorce happen not you. Second, you need to sit down with each of them seperate and tell them how YOU are feeling about this. Together they might want to argue instead of listening to your feelings. Remember this, your grades are YOUR future and even though you are feeling this stress, you will get through this. Clearly from your grades it shows you are intelligent and can grasp all that is happening. As for who to live with, if you parents are being civil, they can work out joint custody where you spend time living with both and can work things out where you can keep attending your current school where you are at now. One final thing just know you are not alone and not the first person to go through a divorce of parents. You will survive and continue to grow even from this event! Good Luck!!

Answer 4

I think your parents need to get you into some counseling. I'm sure there's a lot of stuff you'd like to get off your chest and taking it out on your folks isn't the answer.
Custody is not about which parent you love best. It's just that maybe they reached that point in their relationship where they are not happy anymore, and pretending to stay together isn't the best choice for either.
Your folks are under a lot of stress too. Not only because of the marriage, but for the kids as well.

Do a little research while you're on line. Find a support group near you just for kids around your age that are experiencing the same crisis.

Try to keep your grades up. School is almost out. And who knows? Maybe your parents can work something out.

Answer 5

Sweetheart its not about who you love more, to where you should decide to live. You love mum and dad, and thats how its supposed to be.
I wouldnt stress out just yet, just see what does happen in the meantime, and always remember its NOT your fault ok.
Often kids blame themselves or think they are the blame, but they arn't ok.
Some have offered their advise, yes there is 50/50 care, week with one or the other, or maybe live with one, and see the other weekends, it will alllll be worked out when it needs to be, and im sure that whatever it is, it will be something that you will be happy and comfortable about.

Go and see the schoool councillor, or somone that you feel comfortable to talk your feelings through, dont bottle them up, it realllly does help to let them out ok..... take care x

Answer 6

Kids always blame themselvles. Its normal for you to feel this way, even knowing you aren't the cause. As far as where you are going to call home, you should feel like you have two homes. Deciding one over the other will put even more stress on you. Don't let either one of them use you to hurt the other. Which ever one of your parents puts importance on making sure you have time with both folks, is where I believe is the most responsible place.

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you.
I am willing to talk with you more...just give me an email.
As for your parents...you need to just tell them it is unfair for you to be asked to choose.
They need to choose which is best...FOR YOU.
It is not who you love more but rather who would provide the best environment for an adolescent child.
Unfortunatley in todays world people are being taught that it is their happiness which is most important. This is a selfish lie as you are a perfect example.
My parents divorced when I was a babe so I did not have to deal with what your going thru. But I feel for you and want you to know something.
No matter how bad it gets...no matter how alone, confused or scared you may be just know one thing.
God loves you...
Jesus loves you and so do I.
You are not alone.

Answer 8

I hope your parents had waited to work out all the details, if they are or not getting a divorce, before getting you involved. You are a young person, who DESERVES every chance to be happy and be provided with love, support from your parents. Absolutely, please do not doub it, and this unfortunately is not your fault.

I want you to please talk to somebody who can give you that support. You could start with somebody, a counsellor at school you feel comfortable with, or an older relative.

We probably are strangers to you, but always somebody will be here to listen to you. Please keep the good grades, and if given the chance, tell your parents how this is affecting you. Time for them to be parents first.

{{{{{take care}}}}}}} and let us know how things are working for you.

Answer 9

DONT BLAME YOURSELF ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! if you have to choose i would pick the one that is best going to suit you. in many cases its live with one and then every weekend with the other or sometimes its 50/50 each parent gets 1/2 the year so.....

Answer 10

I would stay in whatever home your in now. And tell them you love them both equally, and you just feel comfortable in the home your in now. I'm sure they will understand. And I'm sorry to hear about their divorce, but It is NOT your fault. Sometimes things dont work out and parents have to split up.