I am a crossdresser and I just got outed at work, what should I do?

Question

First of all, I am a very masculine guy (besides my little hobby), and the people at work know that, I actually play softball and basketball with some of them. I was out the other day dressed up all pretty at a straight bar with some friends. I look ok, but if you really look you could tell I was a guy. Right before I was about to leave, I noticed a guy I work with looking at me. I couldn't believe it because the bar is SO far away from where I work and I go there a lot. I don't think he knew it was me but I think he seemed suspiscious of me that I was a guy. So as I was waiting for my check he came to talk to us. I did talk a little, so he heard my voice. After a few minutes I left and noticed him looking at me in the parking lot as I was getting into my jeep, which is very distinct. Ever since at work, things have seemed different, friends seemed a little distant and I think people were looking at me funny. One girl asked to see my toes. I think the guy figured it out and outed me.

Answer 1

You have definitely been outed. Remember, you should never be ashamed of who you are. In fact, you may even want to invite some people from work to join you for drinks while you're dressed up, to take off the stigma. If you act cool about it, they'll be cool about it.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I would avoid the topic, but if it comes up the only thing you can do is admit it. If you lie and they know you're lying, it makes it a lot worse because a lie hides something bad. You'll be confirming that what you do is bad.

If you're confronted, I would spin it this way. You've got lots of gay friends and you go to gay/crossdressing clubs. You dress up to fit in and participate. If they have a problem with that, then accuse them of being homophobic. The point is to disarm their insinuation that you're a perverted by spinning it as good costume fun.

After they respond, invite them to go along next time. They'll probably say no but they'll get it that you're not hiding anything. If they do go, then make sure you go to a gay/CD club.

I think your biggest problem here is them NOT confronting you, but huddling in groups whispering about you, never giving you a chance to explain yourself. If no one says anything try to go about business as usual, but it might be difficult if they're slipping in sneaky double meanings into conversations. If they do that, then you may have to force a confrontation.

Your other option is to get another job.

I'm sorry you don't have an LGBT supporter at work who could stand up for you.

Answer 3

So is this something you are ashamed of?
I fail to see the issue here.
Why does public knowledge of your behavior bother you so?

After some additional information I now have this answer.
Screw anyone that wants to call you freak. I happen to enjoy getting my freak on and if others would do the same all the hate, anger, and frustrations this site spews would be gone. Not to mention they may just have a better sex life.
I say just let it go. If you continue to get vibe at work I say you confront that guy.
Ask him if he said anything. Regardless of his answer you let him know you can pursue this further if you do indeed feel you are working in a hostile work environment...that HE created.
I am sorry for your situation but I also know if you only do things you are proud of you will have nothing to hide.
Of course his little mind and those at work are not able to grasp this.
But with all things said and done...don't sweat it.
Be the bigger person.
Or just do what I would do and walk to his face and ask if he wants to step outside or has anything he wants to say.

Answer 4

At least you being you. No one can hate you for that. Work is a touchy situation. Let things die down for a little while. Don't talk about it. Go on as if things are normal. Eventually they will move on. If they do know, they won't forget. Don't throw it in their face either. Let them have a little time to digest it and they see you are you. What is normal to us and you is not to everyone. Some people take a little time. Don't try and make them understand. Try and let them understand.

Answer 5

You took a chance going out to a straight bar in drag & now who knows who really knows at work. Just keep being your sweet self at work & it should blow over. What you do on your own time is private & personal. I know what it's like to feel "paranoid" at work...I've come out to a select few people & now I'm wondering who really knows about me...People may give me a funny look or avoid me & I'm like, "Do they KNOW?" Peace!

Answer 6

Establish whether he did tell anyone. If you've definitely been outed, then there's only one thing you can do - be who you are. Don't bring it up, but don't hide who you are, crossdressing is a part of you and people should know that you are not a pervert because of it. Be proud and good luck.

Answer 7

why the hobby, if you are masculine? I would not live that down, having everyone saying I am wierd,, I sure would say it was a dare, or something, and act normal!!! They might get over it,,if you do!

Answer 8

Like they say - keep it real. Don't flaunt it and don't make a big issue of it. If someone says something then speak up - it is who you are so do not under any circumstances let one fool ruin your activities. Have fun we only have one life.

Answer 9

hmm....does sound like you been outed.
i wouldn't know what to do, it's a tricky one. sure you could spread gossips and character assasinations, but then it all gets really low and complicated.
anyhow, i admire your courage for "living" yourself, it takes guts. and whatever you decide to do i wish you the best of luck! :)

Answer 10

hahaha...WOW...thats a new one...jeez, how about just coming clean, OR perhaps, just pass off a REALLY big lie about how it all went down....god, thats a tricky one, haha i wish you the best of luck tryin figure that doozy out...