How do I tell coworkers to back off without showing that I am angry or hurt?

Question

My coworkers think it is appropriate to point out how much weight I've gained in my hips since I got pregnant. I'm only 16 weeks so right now I look more fat than preggo! It makes me really self concious about my weight since I have never been overweight in my life. I feel like if I tell them it bothers me, it's going to come out wrong like with anger or hurt. I need these people to respect me as I am their supervisor, but we work very closely together so it also needs to be a comfortable atmosphere for all of us. HELP!

Answer 1

The easiest way , Especially since you are their supervisor would be to do a re-visit of company guidelines over harassment. You can do a simple "Corporate wants us to review the guidleins for Harassment and always include that any negative references about peoples weight gets snuck in there somehow, this moves the "blame" up to a higher source.

Answer 2

I understand your desire to not get emotional in a work enviornment, especially since you're the supervisor. It can be very difficult to keep personal and private stuff seperate, especially if the office is smaller and people work closely together. Assuming they actually know you are pregnant, (and not just gaining weight), I'd try to tell them as firmly as possible but not in an angry tone, something along the lines of, "I'm going thru this experience for the first time, so it's a live and learn thing as I go along, and I'm not going to sweat the small stuff." I'm sure you really want to slap them and tell them to mind their own (rude) business, but....... that leaves them upset. This way you don't let them know that you are annoyed by their comments, and that you're feeling all to aware of the extra weight. They will believe you are not sweating the details and taking it all in stride. Good luck.

Answer 3

all you have to say is that your hormones are all weird and that your weight is bothering you and for ppl not to point it out to you. tell them that when a person is pregnant a lot of things bother ppl differently i had to tell my hubbie the same thing when he had his comments but i was over weight my whole life i decided to loss a lot of weight and then i got pregnant i was scared to put it all back on. Just watch what you eat and do a lot of walking it will help you to show less I'm 28 weeks and know one can tell that i am pregnant except the ppl that i have told so it does work but everyone"s hips are a problem when they are pregnant it's the first thing i notices different about myself. Just be happy that you are being a life into this world

Answer 4

When I was just getting to that wonderful "don't look pregnant, just chunky" stage of my pregnancy, there was a girl at my work (she was dining services so I didn't see her everyday) but she would come up and pinch my hips and my sides and tell me how cute all the baby weight was, I hated it. So next time she pinched me I pinched her hips and said "oh my god, you're love handles are so cute, you must be pregnant too"...I think she got the hint. (don't do this with people you have to see all the time though)
In your case you might just have to suck it up until you get a belly and then they'll focus on that. The thing is people generally have no idea that comments like "you're getting so big!" and "you must be having a girl cuz your nose is all flat and your butt is getting huge" could actually be taken as offensive, they think it's a compliment so be gentle.

Answer 5

hey you can ignore them then do that.. They are not good friend to be with or really work together if they make fun of you.....
Just talk to the co-worker about your feelings..
When you are preganant and your hip should be big little baby is growing in you.. and You wanted you can walk after dinner.. (i hear that the more you walk the more easy you would have the baby at 40 weeks... ) You should not be stress about it.. You should just take easy and talk to your co-worker.. just think when she is preganant you can do the same thing to her.. but then that would be ruin... And if you have respect for other people..
Some people doesn not have repect or ruin sometime and doesn't know they hurt the other person feeling..

DO not worry about your co-worker.. as long you feel you stress free and no worrys.. and ignore the person...

I have weight problem all my life.. and i am expecting too and that i am scary i am going to gain a lot of weight.... and be like over weight person. which i try not to be... because my family have health problems.. and i donot wanted any of it...
and i had miscarriage last year and grow little bigger on my tummy but still look sexy with tan tops..been same size jeans for 7 years but no one believe me.. but i am short person... and i still have pair of jeans i got at 2004 that still fit me.. but my family think i lie... but i know i have gain weight too.. but mange now with going to gym and be careful with preganant

You should be worry about you and your baby do not care of how people say about your weight or how much you gain... Every preganant would get weight from hip and tummy.. and mostly you should be stress about the problem...

Answer 6

What a bunch of jerks you work with!

There is NOTHING for you to be self-conscious about. Pregnant women gain weight!

I would suggest coming back at them with, "Just wait until the third trimester - then I'll need a pole to reach my computer" or "At least my fat isn't baby fat". Or maybe tell them the anecdote about Mary I of England, who was pregnant for 17 months, and wonder aloud how nice a boss she must have been? Or remind them that pregnant women can eat whatever they want!

Answer 7

I do not think it is wrong of you to tell them that you would appreciate it if they would not say things like that as you are sensitive to it and you get hurt more by comments by that. Pick someone you are more "close" to and feel like you can talk to. Possibly they can spread the word around. Saying it like that is OK. You are hurt by their comments and it is OK to say so. They will understand. Most pregnant women are more sensitive to comments like that. Also, they are being disrespectful to you by saying that and they may not even know they are hurting your feelings unless you speak up. Communication is OK in any relationship along with honesty. If you don't, you will start to harbor resentment towards them.

Congratulations on your baby. May you and your baby have a long and healthy life.

Answer 8

You can say "I'm upset by this comment" without putting anger/hurt in your voice or attitude.
The next time they comment, just look them straight in the eye and say calmly but firmly, "That's enough."
Or if you want to be specific, "That's enough talk about my hips, Susan."
If you want to talk to them off-line about it, just pull each person aside and say "I'd appreciate it if we didn't discuss my weight at work. I trust you to set a good example to the rest of our coworkers about respecting each other's privacy." That way it seems like a positive comment, but it still draws a firm line about what is an acceptable topic.

Answer 9

You already answered your own question. Tell them that you feel their comments are disrespectful, especially toward a supervisor. If you are afraid they will take it the wrong way, make it about workplace etiquette instead of yourself. They aren't going to stop unless you say something and they need to know the way feel.

Answer 10

Try not to let it bother you we all gain weight in strange places during pregnancy you will have time after giving birth to get back to normal just kind of try to change the subject or ignore them they will probably get the hint