My so-called fiance is also my son's father. I've been with him since May 03. Ever since I've had my son and he started working at his new job, he doesn't seem to be trying to help me. Since the day my son was born (Sept 1 06) he has been taking trips out with his brother/cousin, and no longer helps out around the house, with the baby, or clean up after himself. I have been in the house i.e., not going out with friends, no job, just out for doc appts, since I was PREGNANT! And when I say this to him, he doesn't get it. I even asked him to take the baby with him yesterday when he went to look at a car to buy with his brother and he basically wanted me to dress the baby, get the diaper bag ready, etc., and when I said no, he just left. And then he came back only to leave AGAIN, and I was home with the baby. My question is how can I get him to realize what he's doing is hurting me and stressing me out?
2007-03-29 08:58:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think he's cheating. We do spend time together, and he LOVES our baby. THAT's not the issue. The issue is that I always get stuck with the baby. I love my son, but for 7 months now, we have been joined at the bottle and I'm tired of doing the same thing day in day out. Just like Bringing Sexy Back said, when we go out, I still take the load of the baby. He doesn't know the feeling of having to prepare 2 hours ahead of time just to get out of the house with the baby in tow. And I don't remember how it is to go outside by myself, or go ONE DAY without changing a diaper, washing a bottle, making a bottle, etc. And I don't want to leave him, we love eachother despite what you CHEATING experts may think. I want to stay, I just want tips on what to do. PS I try to make it out of the house before he does, but he always beats me! I am just too tired in the am to do anything. and we only have 1 car also, plus I don't have my license, so it's even harder to find somewhere to go alone.
2007-03-29 09:00:44 · update #1
You picked a classic male/female disconnect: You told him you
wanted him to take the baby somewhere and he wanted you to dress
etc. the baby.
That's because he took "take the baby" at its literal meaning and you
meant "I need time off you need to take care of, including all of the details,
the baby".
I'm afraid there's only one thing for it: You need him to realize that
taking care of the baby is not a limited list of tasks, but an open-ended
crusade. Ask him to take care of the baby for a couple of days.
Warn him that you aren't going to do any prep-work, but that you will
be available by phone.
Be prepared to be called A LOT.
However, at the end of the two days, he will have gone through the
tasks without you having done anything other than giving him information.
Then he will know.
Of course, you may not be on speaking terms by then.
2007-03-29 09:05:39 · answer #1 · answered by Elana 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's trying to control you by not helping. You're so tired and unable to get out of the house, he's got it made. Get a driver's license---what happens if the baby gets sick and he's not there to drive you? Insist on it.
If you need some time out, arrange with a girlfriend to pick you up some evening when get gets home. Don't tell him in advance or he will have some other reason you can't go. When your friend shows up, just say, "Going out, honey, have a nice time with the baby." Then YOU go out and have a nice time.
2007-03-29 16:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by Countess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make it a race. Make a plan in advance. Choose the time that you want to be out on your own. Tell him about it so he can prepare as well. Work together to get everything ready. Tell him how long you will be gone and go. Be back on time so that he is willing to do it again next time. I understand that he wouldn't want to take a baby with him when he is looking to buy a car.
2007-03-29 16:07:28 · answer #3 · answered by Tiffany L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to get out of the house. Call one of your friends and plan a girls' weekend out of town. Have your friend come over and help you out and start to mention a month before hand that you want to do this and that he will have to take care of the baby. Start explaining what he has to do. Write notes down for him. Or, you could get up earlier than him, leaving him a note that you have some errands to run and that he has to take care of the baby. Go to the gym, get your nails done, whatever. Just be gone for several hours. When you get back, he might be upset, but at least he will understand that things aren't as rosy and easy as he thought.
2007-03-29 16:06:18 · answer #4 · answered by momo5j7 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try making a schedule that gives you both time outside the house. Sit down with him and tell him that you need you time so you can be at your best for him and your baby.
Good luck, this question has been haunting wives and mothers for generations!
2007-03-29 16:05:29 · answer #5 · answered by jd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say suck it up girlfriend. There's not much you can do for him to realize if he's not seeing this on his own. You may end up giving yourself anxiety. Sounds like you're a good mother so just keep doing that. It's your baby.
2007-03-29 16:02:33 · answer #6 · answered by Your Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol this is common, its time for a wake up call type thing, tell him u and the family need 2 be his #1 priority
men will do w/e we can get away with, so long as u put up with it
...don't :p
2007-03-29 16:02:39 · answer #7 · answered by p34nu7bu773rj3lly7im3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to grow up and show some responsibility toward you and your child. Ask him to talk and tell him how you feel. This can be a good start.
2007-03-29 16:04:00 · answer #8 · answered by Jan C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that.
Get child care, get a job. If he doesn't like it, get a new man; period.
2007-03-29 16:09:40 · answer #9 · answered by Icewomanblockstheshot 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋