My brother owes my Mother a lot of money and will not pay it back?

Question

This is putting my Mother in a very bad financial situation, as she only receives a small pension. Even though I pay her what I can, it would be better if he could be made to pay a small, consistent sum each month. Is there any way he can be made to do this? She went to a lawyer and was told that this is a common situation; it was up to the goodwill of the person who borrowed the money to pay it back, and there was not much they could do. Unfortunately, my brother feels very little obligation to pay the money back as he has a family and other debts. My mother has spoken to him about this on numerous occaisons, but does not wish to isolate him.
Is there anything at all that can be done? Serious answers only, please.

Answer 1

She can TRY a small claims court, but unless your brother signed a piece of paper when he got the 'loan' (or your mother wrote 'loan' on the check she made out to him), then, sadly, there is not much to do.

There are TWO other choices ...

FIRST ... your MOTHER needs to SHUT the POCKETBOOK when it comes to this brother .. FOREVER. NEVER give him anything ever again.

SECOND ... you and your other siblings can PRESSURE this Brother to PAY the mother what he OWES ... and ... believe me, as I am sure you are well aware, everyone who owes money has debts and a family to support too, yet we meet our monthly obligations. PRESSURE him about giving up (temporarily) vacations, restaurant trips, going out to the movies, etc -- whatever it takes to SAVE a few bucks so that the MOTHER can have the difference.



SO ... PLEASE HELP your mother in this respect .. make sure that she has SUPPORT when she says "NO" to this brother of yours .. and that you all support her when she REFUSES to provide nothing to him in the future. She DESERVES to be comfortable, and it is selfish for him to do what he is doing. (And, if you and the other siblings can (along with other relatives) change the phone number of your mother, so this one selfish individual can't easily contact her for even more $$$ in the future).

Answer 2

This is none of your business. When your mother wants to stick up for herself, she will.
Do what you can for her, and don't nag her. She feels taken advantage of, doesn't need to be constantly reminded.
If I were her, I'd call him and ask that he give me his TV, truck or whatever was of equal value , as collateral for the loan. He could get it back when he started making payments.
She could take him to small-claims court, but she would have to have PROOF that he borrowed the money- like an IOU or a letter in which he admits he owes the money. she might not get PAID, but it would go on his credit. If he owns a house, she might be able to get a lien on it-so he would have to pay her before he could sell his house.
At the VERY least ,she should not give him the time of day, until he ponies up some cash. If my kid owed me a LOT of money, I would not have anything to do with him, since he is a bum who has no respect for me or his WORD. I would never do him another favor.
If none of the above, she needs to write it off as a dumb mistake and not repeat it.
Meanwhile, leave her alone. She's a big girl.
When she gets a belly-full, she will "isolate" him with a baseball bat.

Answer 3

Does she have a written promissary note from him? (Probably not, but it would be great if she did.) The most important thing is to make certain she doesn't give him any more money.

You could try to get him to put into writing what he owes, an interest rate payable, and set up a payment plan. If he doesn't pay, then you have something to take to court and force payment. Even in small claims court, you can get an order of garnishment for his wages.

Answer 4

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If you are the executor of the will, then you have a fiduciary duty to do exactly what the will stipulates and safeguard the funds until they're disbursed. If you make your own decisions about what you feel is right, you can be sued and may be accused of a criminal act. If there was no will, the situation gets more complicated.... but if you do something that your brother can prove was not what your mom had in mind, he might sue you personnaly and prevail. Even if he doesn't win, you could end up spending a lot of your own cash on legal bills to defend yourself.

Answer 5

Since your mother is the one who gave the money to your brother, it is up to her to decide how and when to enforce repayment of the loan.

If no paperwork determining terms of repayment and interest was generated, there is every chance that your brother simply has decided to treat the money as a gift he was owed because he is her child and needed the money.

Talk with your mother and express your concerns to her. Explain to your mother that you are afraid that you cannot continue to support HER financially if she insists upon using her small pension to bail your brother out of his financial mistakes. Ask her if he is having some sort of crisis and if so, how long will it last. Also, indicate to her that if he is struggling that she might suggest financial counseling for him and his family. Otherwise, the mess will continue to grow until everyone is paying for his lifestyle.

If she chooses to continue to give the money to him, at least insist that she make him sign promissory notes in the presence of witnesses (you can download forms from the internet) that she can, if she chooses, enforce in a court of law.

You may also have to have a court appointed guardian for your mother if you feel she is unable to reasonably care for her own needs.

She may consider the price small to keep him in her life. Just make sure you do what is best to keep your mother in good stead. She knows who REALLY cares about her needs, and who only needs her for her money.

Good luck and do the best you can! God Bless!

Answer 6

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Answer 8

Hi,

If there is nothing that can be done legally, then I would ask you this: Is your mother providing any other financial support to your brother? If so, then I think she should stop doing so until/unless he pays her back.

It is very unfortunate that your brother is causing this kind of tension in your family. Would any other family member have better luck with him?

Terri
Oregon

Answer 9

My brother is the same way. No, there's nothing you can really do except learn from it. She should never EVER give him/ loan him money again and you shouldn't, either. He does not care; he feels "entitled" to the money. It's a bad situation but she raised him that way...as my mother raised my brother that way. How can one of us be that way and then the other (me, in my case) completely the other way? She spoiled him as a kid and I was treated like Cinderella. Sometimes "not" being spoiled really is better.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, not. If there is no written agreement of a loan, then it is almost impossible. He will claim it was a gift. Make sure your mother makes a will out that precludes him from anything, if he has not repaid the debt. That may motivate him, but it also is whats fair, as he shouldnt get anything of value, sentimental or material, if he treats his mother this way.