should I give my husband space?

Question

I was the first woman that my husband had sex with and the only one up until a week ago. We had agreed we would try and open relationship. He went away with a friend and met a girl there and made a connection and slept with her every night he was gone. Now that he is back and I know that- I can't handle it, because I'm worried he has made too much of an emotional connection instead of it just being sex. I have suggested that I leave just for a while so that if he wanted he could continuing pursuing this relationship with her or anyone else and when he is done we can get back together. I'm trying to figure out if that would be wise. I don't want him to not enjoy his life and have his own experiences that he may feel he needs, but at the same time I can't live with him knowing that he has this other relationship that is more than sex going on- its killing my mental state. What should I do?

Answer 1

Oh my gosh. You need to the CLOSE up the "open" relationship right now and get you and your husband into couselling to deal with what you guys have done. This is extremely destructive.

Answer 2

I feel so sad for you...
You are the very reason that INFEDILITY.. doesn't work.. rather giving permission or not.. it is a false belief that OPEN relationships are open.. You both made promises to love, honor etc. in marriage vows.to each other . where did those promises go? it is what bond you together..
There's an old saying , you can't put the horse back in the barn once out... is so true..
This isn't an easy fix it by no means..
I suggest you both sit down and REALLY talk over this..
you agreed together to open the relationship to other people , then so can you to close it...
and , quicker the better..
then , ask do you really want to repair it?
You both have responsibility for what happened.. You are not a unwilling victim.. If he had gone out behind your back, that would have been different.
No, i wouldn't give him distance.. Not unless you want to end the marriage. You then would only allow more distance and unresolve and act to punish him for something you both agreed on..
I think you felt he loved you enough not to do anything, because i feel , you wouldn't. have.
yes, he may have developed a emotional connection with her.. that was too the risk in all this.. not to say.. what about an STD he could bring home..
I too suggest counseling .. If all else fails.. move on, you'll be a basket case wondering the rest of your life.. lost trust this deep isn't easy to get over.. it isn't impossible.. , but, you really need to ask yourselves what now??
I know been there, like you.. but, wasn't open, he flat out cheated..
It never ended.. once a cheater a cheater.......
good luck to both of you.. you'll need all you can get..

Answer 3

Girl you are retarded. That man had that girl picked out the whole time. He just told you that he was going on a trip with a friend. During that time he was trying to convince you to have an open relationship so that he could go out and have sex with someone else. This is the problem with open relationships. (All the feelings that you are going through right now) The only way it works is to keep it just as sex and you should not tell one another that you went and had sex with someone else. The other thing to look at is what is going to happen if you or the other girl gets pregnant?? Ya you were protection blah blah blah but I am speaking from experience that after having 2 kids it does not always work.(All time protected)

If I were you tell him that you have done the same thing see how he reacts. He then will want to know all the details and just dont tell him anything. It will kill him to think what kind of positions you were in and what size is the guy etc. If all goes well you guys will stop the open relationship bull !@#$ and just work on making yours better than some random one night-er with someone else.

Answer 4

I too am the only person my husband has ever been with. I would never allow him to sleep with another women for any reason. He wouldn't ask either. He knew when we took our vows what marriage meant and that I would be the only one and he loves me and doesn't want anyone else ever. But even if he asked why if the world would I be okay with a situation which takes away from me and gives to another women. You made this mess probably for your own benefit I bet Now live with it. When you give permission to your husband to have sexual relationships outside of the marriage you have to know that there is bound to be an emotional connection of some sort and if you didn't want that to happen you would have just hired him a prostitute.Or better yet you should have been every women he could have wanted in the bedroom so he wouldn't have to think about sex with another.

Answer 5

Well it's a woman's parogative to change her mind and I suggest you tell him you changed yours. An open relationship will not work in a marriage if you both are not completely sure about it and boundaries are not set. A one night thing is what you had anticipated, and he went for a little vacation with another women, Big difference. Reel him back in and dont' try this again. Do not leave to give him space.

Answer 6

Why did you get married if you were gonna have an open relationship?

I think... you were the one woman for your husband, that unique piece in his life, his main object of desire... and you let it go. Why? I have no idea.

What to do? Act life a wife. Why should a husband seek another woman if he has his wife? If he has you, do you really think he needs somebody else? Do you think another woman can please him more? Teach him more? I think, it could've been something great that both of you could have explored and discovered by yourselves.

Oh... true true... open relationship right?! How bout u? Did u hook up? Something emotional? Where does that fall into the equation? Let's not lose perspective. Do you think he'll be all warm and fuzzy if he finds out you slept with somebody else?

Answer 7

YOU SHOULD NEVER SHARE YOUR MAN WITH OTHER WOMEN!!!!!! OPEN RELATIONSHIP ARE FOR COUPLE WOULD ARE NOT MARRIED AND THEY USUALLY ALL MOST NEVER WORKOUT. SLEEPING AROUND IS SOMETHING YOU DO BEFORE YOU TAKE THOSE VOWS. I WOULD GO CRAZY KNOWING THAT THE MAN I LOVE IS WITH HAVING SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN WHETHER OR NOT HE HAD FEELING FOR HER. IT SHOWS THAT HIS FEELING ARE NOT THAT STRONG FOR ME. I COULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A MAN I LOVE AND I WOULD HOPE HE FELT THE SAME. THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE CROSS THIS LINE WITH YOUR HUSBAND...IT HAS PUT A QUESTION MARK AFTER END OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. THERE IS A CHANCE THAT HE HAS A EMOTION CONNECTION WITH THIS NEW WOMAN, BUT THAT WAS THE CHANCE YOU TOOK. AND I FEEL SO SORRY TO SAY THAT BUT IT'S TRUE. AS FOR GIVING YOUR HUSBAND SPACE....I THINK YOU HAVE GIVEN HIM ENOUGH. TALK TO HIM FIND OUT WHAT'S IS GOING ON. OPEN RELATIONSHIP OR NOT...YOU TWO ARE STILL MARRIED...HE SHOULD KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH HIM. GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

Why did you even get married in the first place? Why not just be BF & GF? People like u two should not have even been allowed to get married you oviously don't know what marriage means. What wife would even agree to an open relationship, unless she was interested in somone else, but instead working out in her favor she the one that got the short end of the stick. In my opinion you don't have a marriage just a certificate of being married so why do you care now. Just go your seperate ways and end your so called marriage.

Answer 9

You should have never allowed and open relationship. You could tell him that you made a mistake and don't feel that an open relationship is good for you marriage and you want things to go back the way you were...It may be too late though if he has already been with someone else.

Answer 10

I don't know why you married couple on here are consenting to "open" relationships. You got married to him and he got married to YOU! If he still wanted to have sex with others, he shouldn't have stood at the altar. The only thing now is you told him to actually pursue this relationship, knowing that it's hurting you. Why do we women let these guys sucker us into their so-called pity. I don't know how you and him operate, and I wouldn't say this under any other circumstance, but maybe on your "vacation from your husband", you can look out for prospects, and date. But I think that at the end of it all you guys will divorce immediately, or soon after you all have multiple heated arguments about the other woman/man, but divorce is inevitable.