how do i move on from heartbreak?

Question

i'm 20 yrs old and my relationship of two yrs has just ended i'm completely and utterly distruaght and all of the dating books suggest to rid the person of my life and not see him anymore...i'm 37 weeks pregnant with his child and see alot of him because of all the prenatal visits and because he wants to be in this baby's life... which i happen to agree with, i want him to paly an active role in our childs life but the more i see and talk to him the more upset and miserable i feel...how do i move on effectively if he's still in my life so much??

Answer 1

Let me offer you just one of the many things I have written on this area. It comes from my site http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TREMBLING_HEARTS/ for all that tremble inside. I call it “Please help me learn to forgive”

Even when he was crucified Jesus called out to our father for our salvation. "Father forgive them" How tender his love, and unworthy we are, and yet forgiveness of another is so hard for us to do.

I am not offering such words to be picked apart but offering with loving intentions. I am not offering to forgive and go back to a potentially harmful situation. I am offering to forgive and let go. You will feel the weight lift and then you will be truly ready to move ahead.

Hating someone is just too darn easy and in the end it will become ourselves that live alone with the pains.

Simplistic words sputtered from my own lips and yet it is just as hard for my heart to forgive. We are all the same my friends. It is hard to forgive, but I know it is the path we all need to follow.

You do not want to be with another living in a past filled with hate so offer a heart ready to look ahead as well.

It will never be easy to forgive another that has caused us harm. Just think about it. If you need a hand I am offering mine. It might tremble a little for it is also a hand in need. Let us reach out to one another in a loving and understanding way upon this site of ours. Share your pains with one another, respond to one another. One another… Yes we are not alone when sharing with one another.

God Bless

The Trembling Man

Answer 2

This is not a good situation. But the important thing is that you take a bit more control of what YOU want to do!

First, decide if you want him to be there during labor. Is it worth it for you that he's there? I mean, it's an initimate moment but that doesn't matter anymore because you're broken up.
It might be a good idea if you ask a friend, your mother, or anyone else to help you with that. Maybe ask a friend to move in for a few weeks? That way you'll have a "buffer" and you aren't so dependent on him anymore.

Let him be involved. But think about your OWN terms. Certainly not to the degree that he runs your life. Which it seems he is right now.

Also, check for custody issues and child support.

He doesn't want to be with you anymore. Please do think about if you really want to give that baby his last name. Your last name deserves to be carried on. His last name could be the middle name. Don't raise a child that has some guy's last name that doesn't want to be with you.
This is your decision. They will hand the birth certificate documents in the hospital to you and you alone are responsible for determining the name. You aren't married so he has no legal right to give his last name.

Pass on your OWN name, girl!!!!

Answer 3

The baby is not born yet. He can be in the child's life when you do have it. And when that happens, have a friend or family around when he comes to visit. If you are going to share custody, maybe the friend or family memeber can make sure the child gets safely in his care so you don't have to see him. It will get better after you have the child and get your life back in order. It's just really hard for you right now because you are still pregnant, and the breakup is fresh. good luck.

Answer 4

I know it is hard when the one you love breaks your heart and dreams of what could have been and memories of what was fade away but look at what a beautiful opportunity you have to love your new precious baby. Your baby will need you to be strong. Focus on that, not the broken relationship. I know it will be hard but try to be civilized and learn to turn that former love relationship into a friendship. This will benefit you, him and your baby. You have such a precious gift growing inside of you and your baby knows when you aren't happy. Get a good support group of friends, family, counseling, church, clubs...get yourself out there and build other friendships to help sustain you. We all need someone to lean on from time to time. Don't be afraid to reach out to them. Having him play a role in your child's life is a good thing. Be grateful you have that, some women don't. Focus on what's alive, not what is dead. As you shift your thoughts your heart and mood will gradually shift direction as well. Good luck and give yourself credit for being brave and wise enough to keep your precious child!

Answer 5

OMG! First of all, you shouldn't have ever had a child with him if you weren't married. Now that that is out of the way, maybe you can learn from that mistake. You can't just rid your life of him. You have to tell him how you feel. If there is a chance you can get back together, you should go for it. If that's not an option, you should go to a therapist. Tell the therapist how you feel. Either way you need to get that out of your system by talking about it to someone that matters.

Answer 6

One day at a time.

Look in the mirror and smile. You don't have to mean it but try and look like you do.

Don't say anything negative about the situation or your ex. Try not to think them.

Do not try and get people to fill sorry for you. That will only make you feel worse.

If you're hoping to reconcile and get back together someday, do not pressure him. Praise him often. Even if you never get back together your child will respect both of you for it.

But the best thing to do when you're sad is to find someone else that's sad and make it your mission to cheer them up. Be careful NOT to commisserate with them or you'll feel worse. But if you can cheer them up you'll feel better. 100% garanteed

Answer 7

u have to know that u two aren together because it wasnt ment to be. that mean ur so much better. stop thinking about what can happen with him, and start thinking bout what can happen without him. always think of the positive things and don try to look bak at the negative things in the past. ur future has so much more for u and ur bringing those great things down with ur past. they're are plenty other guys that will treat u like "THE QUEEN" u are. by thinking back to the father, will shorten ur thoughts of u finding that great man.
i hope ur baby turns out very healthy. and good luck!

Answer 8

Depending on the reason for the split I would say that it will be extremely difficult for you to heal the pain under the circumstances you outline. Everytime you make headway you will get the scab ripped off the wound upon getting together with this person. Good Luck

Answer 9

My heart aches for you...what a terrible situation you and your child (and your ex) is facing! I'd say focus on your baby, keep going through the motions. Cry when you must, smile when you don't feel like smiling...eventually things will get better. Just don't lose hope and don't lose sight of what matters...your child. Good luck!

Answer 10

Hon no doubt this is going to be hard, and it will be even harder once the baby is born.
My advice for you would be to seek counselling. Baby sitting should be no problem as your ex is willing to be in the baby's life. Postpartum depression (or "baby blues") will absolutely compound this problem, and you need to seek help to ensure that you are able to properly take care of you and your child.
Good Luck.