like, if they did something to you in their sleep that really hurt you/ your feelings? should they still feel bad & genuinely apologize? how should you confront someone about it, & what sort of reaction would you expect?
2007-03-29 06:18:13 · 11 answers · asked by Ember Halo 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
[actually, i'm the one wondering if i should expect an apology]
2007-03-29 06:31:15 · update #1
[actually, i'm the one wondering if i should expect an apology]
2007-03-29 06:31:18 · update #2
Sometimes people subconsciously say or do things and they are not entirely aware of their actions. I don’t feel they should be held completely accountable for this because they were not 100% aware of what they were doing or saying. Usually when people do or say things unconsciously they are speaking from their heart in my opinion. Sometimes they say things they would normally be afraid to say. These words may be said out of anger or hurt so it is not necessarily a permanent feeling. I feel if someone cares about you they will apologize if they feel they have hurt you. Whether they remember or not they would say “I was not aware I hurt you I’m sorry”. Going head on in a non accusing conversation is a good way to confront someone. Try to avoid using target words like "you" try using words like "I". I feel when you do this it hurts my feels...don’t say you hurt me and you did it on purpose…then ask them how they feel about what you said. Don’t accuse anyone just leave things open but voice how you feel about the situation calmly and carefully. The reaction depends on the person. If they are very sensitive they could blow up and feel offended but if the person is generally calm they may take a more softer approach and take what your saying into consideration. Try practicing on a friend first that may help.
Peace!
2007-03-29 06:42:19 · answer #1 · answered by mizzmaya79 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are always responsibile for your actions, especially when drunk.
If you are a sleep walker and you hurt someone and you are told of it and apology is in order along with you getting some help that hopefully will prevent you from doing this again.
If you were drunk, that is no excuse to hurt someone. So often people say they were drunk and can't remember. No one forced you to drink, you knew the consquences of drinking - but - you proceeded on. Now you must pay and if an apology is all that you need do - consider yourself getting of light!
If I were to confront someone for what they did to me. I would set them down and face to face tell them - never over the phone, email or by messaging. You need to see what they are feeling and how they are reacting.
I would tell them they needed to get help in the case of the sleep walker or the drunk. I would help them find the help if they were willing. If they were unwilling to get help I would walk out the door and not come back. There is no reason to put yourself in more harms way then is necessary. If they know this, perhaps it would be the push they need to get help. After that it is all up to them. But, if they didn't care or didn't follow through with the help I would back up my word and be gone.
My first husband beat me up 5 times in 4 months of marriage. Three months of it I was pregrant. I kept saying if he didn't get help I would leave and he never believed me till I finally escaped - literally.
Did he get help after I left - probably not - because he didn't feel the problem was with him - he thought it was my fault for making him angry!
Be careful and good luck.
2007-03-29 13:41:04 · answer #2 · answered by r_favorite_stuff 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If there is significant evidence that a person did something, then that person should be held accountable.
I have DID. There are some things that people say I did but I don't remember it happening. Rather than blame other alters to get out of a mess, I take responsibility for it.
2007-03-29 14:54:08 · answer #3 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Actions have consequences.
You might start with..."you may not remember this, but...." and focus on your feelings and your pain, rather than attacking the other person's behavior.
If the person has a moral center, you should be able to resolve the issue. If you are met with denial or rationalization of why the behavior "shouldn't have" hurt you - there is a bigger problem.
2007-03-29 13:31:21 · answer #4 · answered by not yet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could it be that the action during sleep speaks of something going on within the individual who does not know how or want to tell you of it?
Perhaps they were being resentful in that state whereas they want to say "I am mad at you" but do not have the guts to say so while awake.
Some people consume alcohol to get things off of their minds. In other words, they are vying for an argument with you but because they are afraid for some reason, they drink and then tell you off.
However, if you are really peeved, just open up and speak. Don't go on with a chip on your shoulder.
2007-03-29 13:30:02 · answer #5 · answered by SANCHA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were sober or taking recreational drugs then yes, I would hold you accountable for it. However, if they indirectly caused something, have sleep walking problems, traumatic/chronic amnesia, or take drugs as directed by doctor, I believe would constitute as an "accident" depending if the victimizer is truthful if they think they would never do an action under certain circumstances and take precautions.
Personally, even by accident, I still apologize because it's proper manners.
2007-03-29 13:35:58 · answer #6 · answered by BITBoston 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think an apology should be expected..regardless whether the other person was asleep.
As for confronting someone... Just be cool and tell them what happened. If you speak to the other person quietly about it... and don't make a scene..they will feel bad and not freak, and you will see their contrition.
2007-03-29 13:33:42 · answer #7 · answered by darryl f 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can't control what you do in your sleep. Tell the person what they did while asleep though, but don't be judgemental or confrontational. What one does while under the influence of drugs or alcohol is an entirely different matter, and they should be held responsible.
2007-03-29 13:31:18 · answer #8 · answered by georgiagrits1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, absolutely they should. I would confront them with...I know you may not realize what happened but....and that made me feel very....... Even though you may not remember that you.....I feel you owe me an apology.
The Skeptic, JPO
Grace and Peace
Peg
2007-03-29 14:01:14 · answer #9 · answered by Dust in the Wind 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i agree, you should apologise. it's not that person's fault that you don't remember.
2007-03-29 13:26:51 · answer #10 · answered by ... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋