Relationship advice?

Question

When we first started dating my parnter and I decided to commute together. She drove her car from Sept. to December and I have driven my car from January on. When she was driving I filled her tank a hand full one times (I'm not sure the exact amount). She has filled my tank once. Since we commute she gets dropped off first because we travel north to work and her place of employment is furtherst south. Hence I am often late for work (which has been a big argument for us). She doesn't like the gym, I love the gym and used to go everyday. However because we commute together I don't get to go often (I'm gaining weight, feel like crap and miss the gym). Since we fight about me being late, and I miss the gym I thought it would only make since for us to longer commute together. I realize however that I've driven one less month so I suggested I pay her 60.00 for gas money (it costs her 30.00/ week to fill her car), which would cover two of the four weeks in April and since she's filled my

tank once that would even us out. She is not happy with this idea saying it isn't fair. Am I missing an angle here that could be precieved as not fair? Thanks for your opinion.

....a little more info. I have a larger car and use more gas money. I put 40-60 a week in, plus gas prices have gone up this winter. I do make more money than she does but I pay the mort. payment, and all the utlities, my car payment and my student loans. She pays for the internet connection she uses, her cell phone and half of groceries. She is currently going to school.

She is a good person and I don't need DUMP HER adivce. I'm just wondering if I'm missing a point of view she may be seeing because I just want to be fair. Thanks.

She think we should just keep commuting.????

Answer 1

If you cant work out a committing relationship please don't get married. EITHER OF YOU!

Answer 2

This is suppose to be a reltionship right. What happen to communication and compromise. It seems to be tht now you re paying twicw as much for gas. Fighting about little things, and not really getting anything accomplished. Really if you are a couple who really cares who pays for what, on the dys you what to go to the gym drive different cars or find one closer to home, and about being late hey you both just need to get up earlier. I hope you don't live together, if you argue over stuff like this I'd hate to see wht it would be like over the real stuff (groceries, utilities, clening, etc.) I suggest you find away to get to the real issue at hand and talk with each other not at each other.

Answer 3

You can be fair and split hairs about how many tanks of gas have been paid for, who drove more and all that, but all that will do is create heartache and discontent. My suggestion is that you ask her what she thinks is fair and unless it is way off base and out of the question, just agree, take care of it and move on. If you care about her, another tank of gas is a small price to pay for peace. This is petty in the big scheme of things. Even if I agree with you and say your are right, the best course of action is to settle and let this one go. You will have enough to argue about and fight over, don't let the little stuff become big.

Answer 4

Personally I would not commute together any more. The issues may not be worth the savings in gas - since you are often late for work PLUS you are essentially prevented from going to the gym because of her dislike.

I have carpooled in the past when I worked fulltime, but the benefits had to outweigh the compromise or it was not worth it to me. My husband carpools also, and it works out well, but we never faced the troubles you are experiencing.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like she's somewhat self-centered and selfish. Of she course she thinks it's 'not fair', because it would involve her having to contribute more. But you're entitled to being able to go to the gym and especially to get to work on time. Explain to her that you're going to go to the gym X number of days a week, so you'll be driving alone on those days and she'll need to take her car, and on the other days, you need to leave 20 minutes early (or however long you're usually late) and will drop her off early, then get to work on time. If she complains about having to go to work that early, then tell her that her other option is to drive herself, or for her to drive and drop you off first so you're not late.

You could tell her your boss came down on you for being late, and it has to stop or you'll lose your job.

Answer 6

It seems odd that she would be so stuck on it, it doesn't seem like that big a deal to me. Does she get really hung up on money issues? I really respect your desire to be fair and work it out, but she needs to meet you in the middle. The gym, that's important to feeling good, and she needs to respect that. I have no answer, just wish you luck!

Answer 7

If you two can't agree on gas money. I think you should drive your own cars. This is very pity and I think the world revolves around more than gas. Why can't you just drive your own car to the gym?

Answer 8

Yeah dump her. Sounds like you guys do not have enough in common and cannot even work out the simple things in life.

Answer 9

Just stop commuting with her...wow that wasn't hard to figure out.

Answer 10

Stop commuting for one.

Answer 11

she's selfish & it's got to be all about her. forget the $60. drive yourself to work & the gym.