I am in love with her eldest son and she hates me because i am not pretty and i am not from her family. She keeps conspiring about me whenever she meets anyone and cries. Her son loves her and wants me to talk to her to clear out the misundertandings and wants us to live together in future. Is this a good idea? I planning to meet her soon, what should my attitude be towards her in our first meeting? I really get angry and irritated when she complains about me even though i know she has a very wrong impression about me. She has never given me a chance to prove myself :( And she won't let me marry her son, but i really love him. I cant live without him. Please help...
2007-03-29 05:03:40 · 16 answers · asked by coolchick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am an Asian, 20, and my guy loves me but he can't about creating problems with his mom. He wants to have everything go smooth and wants my help to make things work out by talking to his mom..
2007-03-29 06:47:25 · update #1
I think you should go into this with an open mind. Calm and poised. If she says something out of line to you, keep your cool. Answer her respectfully yet showing that you have a limit to what you can take. Tell her how you feel about her son if this comes up. Be honest. Then speak with your boyfriend about how you feel. This is a hard situation. Because he should be the one to tell her that he loves her and respects her, yet he wants her to respect you. Because of the way you both feel. If she still isn't satisfied then any opinion of you she should keep to herself. I wish you the best of luck. Because I did everything possible to make my mother-in-law like me. Unfortunately she isn't the type to respect anyone. And I have been through a lot with her and her other children. In my case my husband(at the time) didn't do a thing to help the situation out. Long story short I had to cut all communication with his family. I'm not saying this will happen to you. It's not good not being able to communicate. So as long as you try from your end you know you did your best.
2007-03-29 05:16:42 · answer #1 · answered by rencar32002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a word of advise I would not start off on the wrong foot. 1st her son should be the one talking to his mother and sticking up for you. (you deal with your family and he needs to deal with his) I wonder who gave her the wrong impression about you since u were not introduced to her yet.
She dose not even know you. I do not feel you need to prove yourself to her or his family . If she did a good job as a mom then she should trust her son in making a good choice to pick a mate. Don't put yourself down about looks or your background ect. Her son needs to be a man and talk to his mother and HE needs to tell her he loves you and would like peace so she must stop her behavior and give you a chance. Also just so you know it's not you this would go on with any girl he wanted to be with. As far as the living together mistake don't play house before your married. If his mom is old fashioned she will not respect you if you live with him.
2007-03-29 07:03:17 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yuckers. Your lover's mother is not a good person. Course you should not nag you partner about this. He did not make her and he does not control her. So causing him grief over it only makes the matter worse. Strategy wise, for your own sake, is to suck it up. I know I hate the thought of it also. This is all about control. Mom controls, at least in her mind. Just make the appearance and you two go about yourselves happily ever after. She will NOT change. Sad to say. Quietly avoid whenever possible and keep your mouth shut. Once she believes you are part of her fan club she will stop with the negative talk. Oh and last thing. You will not win. She is a master manipulator. I hope this guy is worth the game will have to play.
2007-03-29 05:44:39 · answer #3 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can she stop you from marring her son? Just go and meet her and be you. Do not try to act as someone that you are not. Tell her that you know she don't like you but that you do love her son and that you will always do your best to make him happy and give him wonderful children. He is to get married and move on not worry what mommy thinks all the time. Besides it is normal for the inlaws to hate you and if they don't you are lucky.
2007-03-29 05:09:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing I can tell you is that if you don't clear this up with his mother, I would not marry him. When you marry someone you marry the family. Your life will be difficult with him. When you talk to her, go in there with an open mind and leave your anger at the door. You will only confirm her impression if you go into the conversation with defensiveness.
2007-03-29 05:14:06 · answer #5 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait! Do you live in the United States? If so, how could she stop you from marrying him? Unless you are underage. Otherwise, no. I don't know what to tell you other than try to talk to her but don't compromise who you are. If you cannot get along with her - reconsider marriage. You not only marry the person, but their entire family. I wish you luck but it sounds as if there are going to be lots of problems down the road.
2007-03-29 05:11:33 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel about what she is doing to you, and assure her that you love her son and you are not trying to take him away from her. that she is gaining a daughter in law. and If you soon to be husband loves you he will stand by you, but you can't tell him to choose you over his mother. and I really don't know how she can stop her son from marrying you, he is an adult and he should tell his mom that he loves you and he is going to marry you weither she likes it or not. if he is not able to do that. Well I hate to say find someone else. who is going to love you for what you are and is not letting their mother tell him what he should do or not. good luck.
2007-03-29 05:11:11 · answer #7 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing that can be done, she comes with the package of her son. She isn't going to change and he isn't can't protect you from her. It's just something you will have to learn to live with if you want to marry him.
Now is the time to decide, if you want to marry him you take the mother as she is. However you could choose otherwise...
2007-03-29 05:10:20 · answer #8 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to make a very important decision. Do you want to spend the rest of your life fighting against this woman, who seems to have a very firm grip of control over your boyfriend? You only have two choices; either find a way to make peace with her, or move on and find someone new. They come as a package, and that's not going to change.
2007-03-29 05:37:44 · answer #9 · answered by kalsmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your fiance can do whatever he wants now that he is an adult. whenever you are near your future MIL just be kind and courteous. if she fires off some wild comment don't fuel her fire by adding to that.
my MIL hated me when i first started dating her son. however after a few years she came around.
time will help the relationship improve.
2007-03-29 07:50:25 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋