My friend is 22 and dying with Colon Cancer and Lymphoma what things can you suggest we do in his final weeks?

Question

I am looking for suggestions of what we can do together as these will be his last weeks/months alive. He plans to leave England for Tunisia as that is the country he wants to die in :o(
I will be there with him. I will be wanting to make him as happy as possible, but I am stuck for things to do together before he dies. I will be celebrating a type of Christmas and doing other things but I would like suggestions of what would be nice things to do for him.

My friend actually lives with me and is never far away.

He was told in October 2006 that he had 9 months left to live. He didn't tell me or his other friends untill 27th March.

He was trying to save us all from a broken heart.

Answer 1

Do whatever he wants to do. Make memories. Have a picnic, go sailing, celebrate future birthdays. Tell him how much his friendship has meant to you. Be glad that you have this time to let go and spend with him.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear about your friend.....it's nice that you are celebrating a special Christmas for him.
But, as far as special things for him, have you asked him already? You probably have, but if not, see if you can talk to him about it, sometimes people want the simplest of things, or things you would never think of.
Usually, people want very small and simple and honest things in their last days and I can imagine that having his friends close would be one of those so just being there for him is one of the most special things you can do. Keeping his dignity, and maintaining the same friendship you always had will be wonderful for him.
Things like his favourite movies, or favorite foods, a nice new item of clothing (albeit slippers or a robe), just little things to make him feel special.
Sometimes it's nice to feel that you live on, and it can be a small thing, but it can be nice to sponsor an animal or buy a tree (I know it sounds a bit hippy-ish!) or something very permanent that helps the person know they've made their mark on this world. A dedication somewhere, like a park bench with a beautiful view...all very simple.
I honestly think though, that friendship and kindness are the greatest gifts you can give your dear friend. When the final days are here, material things seem so unimportant, and to have a friend hold your hand when you are ill, or sit up with you watching you favourite movies all night when you can't sleep, that'll mean much more to him.
I wish you strength and calm for these difficult times, hug your friend as much as you can and just be the wonderful friend that you already are....

Answer 3

I lost mybest friend to breat cancer a little while back.It was all very sudden or os it seemed , but she had known for a while that the secondary cancer was terminal,i understand their sentiment but i just wante dot be ther efor her , i wasnt there at the very end , i was a couple of hours too late.
You are in a very privelleged position already, so live with him.
Make lots of memories, but ther may be many things that are beyond his limitations for health reasons, just being there, try to just stay up a lot chat a lot im torn between big sppy fairwells , and normality, cos there were days i would have a horrid time getting my composure cos all i wnated to do was cry, beg dont go , bu really she loved that we talk about our rubbish our girl stuff and kids as we both had them .
Do everything you can think of.
Tell them everything you have thought bout saying but never said...kind and loving i mean cos when they go your going to need ot hold onto those words, my frined had a huge faith which helped her tremndously , and inturn helped me know that she was peacful inthe end.
Picnics are always a good one , but if hes tool ill to move incase things progress suddenly as they can , even do a carpet picnic you know rent dvds stay up late have loads of snacky treats.
however if hes still able the world literally is your oyster for the time being....you know him well so just indulge him alittle but may be also be there to distract him get on with normally stuf just make sure your there , it will be such a privelidge for you if you ccan be with them to see them from this life to the next....its some thing you will remember fo rever......
Best wishes to you both may this be a really enriching time
take care..

Answer 4

Just spending time with him, and when you are spending time, don't spend it all talking about how you will miss him when he is gone. Laugh talk about the fun you had or a funny joke. Make memories, and making memories does not mean you have to go all out. Making a memorie could be fixing a bike together and how sometimes things go awry and you have to take a different avenue. Talk a long walk, read a book together. Don't put so much emphasis on what you are doing, but that you are doing it together. I am sorry for you, I know what you are going through.

Answer 5

Firstly I want to say how sorry I am to hear that. I was in a similar situation ot yourself where one of my friends was dying of breast cancer. I asked her what she always wanted to do and had never got around to doing. I told her money and time were no issue.
Make it enjoyable but not too tiring - if he gets to tired then he won't enjoy it as much. Take him to the beach - it's private and you can chat about nothing. Get onto your computer and write down all your memories that you both have and then when the time comes for him to go, allow him to take it with him.
You will need the tiem to spend with him as well. I hope when the time does come though, he will be pain free and it is the right time.
All the bestx

Answer 6

Short of asking him what he wants then I would suggest making it a celebration of his life and springtime. Take him to parks and gardens where flowers and bulbs are growing. I imagine he's fed up with sympathy and concerned looking faces, so get him out to places where he can laugh and forget his troubles - maybe an amusement park, walks along the seafront, anywhere where life is being lived and people are laughing. Moods are infectious, take him to a comedy club. This may not seem appropriate but imagine it, if you have only a short time to live and your world is filled with doctors and nurses looking at you with pity ..... let his last weeks be filled with laughter and a knowledge that life goes on.
Good luck, he's lucky to have a friend like you.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry to hear that. Your friend may not feel well enough to do lots of things you know. I think you should ask your friend what he would like to do, as it is not about what anybody else wants, but what he wants.

The greatest gift you can give your friend at this time, is your time, kindness and love. You sound like you are doing a great job at that already, just don't tire him out. He is very lucky to have such a good friend and that alone is something money cannot buy.

Answer 8

If he is able to then definately plan some nice things like (as someone has already suggested) lighting a campfire on the beach and watching the sun set and rise.
Also would he be well enough to have dinner on the sand dunes? I know they do a tour to that effect.
christmas is a good idea bringing it forward. Have you asked him what he would like to do too?
I am so sorry your friend is terminally ill. How lucky he truly is to have such a devoted friend. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 9

A friend just died of cancer. The hospice organization said that visits and chats with friends make the best memories.

Try to arrange get-togethers with friends - classmates, co-workers, people he shared a hobby with, whatever you can set up. Do it in pleasant surroundings - maybe go to a nice restaurant, in the back yard, a neighborhood park, or just out for ice cream, or over a beer or glass of wine. Find somewhere where they won't be cold, or baked in the sun, of course.

The one caution I can offer is that if your friend tires easily, try to set these up so that they don't wear him out. That means that you may have to ask friends to leave early, or limit the number of people there at any one time.

Oh, one other - if your friend appears to be sleeping, keep the conversations around them positive still. When my friend was apparently asleep, she was still aware of the people and conversation around her. Now is not the time to discuss how gaunt or ravaged they look.

Peace to your friend.

Answer 10

If you knew you had only a few weeks left on this earth what would you want to do? Have you asked him what he wants to do? This is a tough time for both of you but it is also an opportunity for you both to make it a memorable time filled with love and adventure. When he's gone you will have this time to look back on and remember how lucky you were to have known him. What do you want those memories to look like? Let that be your guide. Much love and peace to you both.

Answer 11

Can you contact people in that country that would be important to him that he would like to meet? Maybe famous people or important people?

What about creating a scrapbook or a memoir together with him? Ask him what he wants to leave the world then find a way to get the message out. Make a book or a painting.

Good luck and blessings to you and your friend. :)