I get sooo tired of hearing people say "I deserve to be happy". Why? Why do you deserve to happy but your children don't??? You think that divorce is better for your kids? That is nothing but a justification to your selfish, ignorant behavior! Nobody "deserves" anything while they are on earth!!! The only time you will get what you truly deserve is when you meet God! As adults we have the ability to make choices! With every choice we make, there will be consequences! True happiness comes from within - and most of us have absolutely NO idea what the meaning of the word "happiness" is. Most of us will wander through life looking for what "makes us happy", having no regard for the people we come into contact with or who are being hurt by our pursuit! Life is hard!! If you want to be happy in your life, start by looking outside of yourslef! Do for others and stop making it all about YOU!
2007-03-29 08:17:49
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answer #1
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answered by Kailey 5
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I totally disagree with answers like Paul's. ESPECIALLY if there are kids involved. If one or both of the parents are miserable, do you not think the kids will pick up on it? They do. Kids that are raised in an unhappy home where there is always fighting or bickering, will NEVER learn how to make their own relationships work. They never learn the communication skills needed for problem solving. Just because the parents are unhappy does NOT mean they need to make the kids unhappy as well. And I agree with Katydid. Marriage SHOULD be forever. But the truth is, they aren't always. Why should two people stay miserable just for the sake of "til death do us part" when they can go out and try to find that happiness? We do only get one chance at this life. Why be miserable?
2007-03-29 04:22:28
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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You are correct about the double standard... Women are expected to work things out on behalf of the children. Men, are allowed to seek happiness. If a marriage has fallen apart and the two partners have tried to put it back together with no success, then divorce is the next step. I just think it is a shame today that so many people rush in to marriage because they know they have an out. Divorces are going to happen no matter what - even if people take their time and choose their partners wisely. I just think that the divorce rate could be brought down if people really took the time to make sure their partner is "the one".
2007-03-29 03:53:20
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answer #3
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answered by Go Bears! 6
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I'm assuming we can only speak for ourselves, right? I love my husband and want him to be happy more than anything in the world...after 11 years and two kids, he's become my best friend.....with that being said, if it coms to the point that we are no longer campatible and grow apart or we are dealing with an unresolved trust issue, it would be the hardest thing I ever did, but I would let him go....I simply just could not wake up every day seeing him miserable which would reflect on the family as a whole! You only live life once and everyone deserves to be happy!! I would hope that we would both be able to agree to disagree and take some happy memories from the marriage with us!
2007-03-29 03:57:23
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Here's some of a previous answer I wrote. Not perfectly correlated to your question, but I think you get the point. The bottom line is that you get out of a marriage what you put into it, and you tend to get the kind of marriage you deserve. If you invest a lot and go out of your way to love your spouse all the time and be the kind of spouse they deserve (or better), they will be the kind of spouse you deserve.
Yes. But YOU have to make it happen.
My wife and I got into the same rut everyone does. People crave excitement and novelty. Thankfully neither of us had an affair (which so many do) and instead we realized that WE as individuals have to make it happen.
Every single day - make sure your husband knows you love him. Tell him what a sexy man he is. Grab his rear. Give him a saucy kiss. Whip out a fancy new toy in the bedroom and don't take no for an answer.
It might take a while but he'll catch on......
Your life is whatever YOU choose to make it. If you just sit there waiting for it to happen, it probably won't. Make it exciting. That doesn't mean ignore your responsibilities - far from it. One of your principal responsibilities as a wife is maintaining your marriage. Probably both of you have slacked off in this.
I guarantee after a couple of weeks of you being like that he will begin reciprocating. It is worth it - I promise.
2007-03-29 03:51:08
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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I've written that folks should not assume that getting divorced will make them happy or their marriage is what is making them happy.
So if you've lumped me under this blanket statement, they you mis-understand my intentions.
What I observe is that folks usually just want to give up without stopping by the counselor first, or seeking professional help. They get the answers to "follow your heart" which to me is code for "go ahead, be selfish and treat your vows as if they are worthless"
I don't expect everyone to have the same values as I do. However, if someone asks my opinion, I give my opinion, and am not ashamed to share that I feel that marriage is for life (even whilst I'm divorced against my will) and that all efforts should be exhausted before giving up.
Many people "discover" they are unhappy right after they meet another person. So they begin to put the efforts into that extra-marital relationship instead of putting those same efforts into the relationship they voluntarily vowed to honor.
Sure, people fall out of love. But in my opinion, falling out of love means you are not doing the things you promised. Because what I've been taught, love is not a feeling, but it's an action. So when I read that someone fell out of love, I read a confession that they are no longer doing the things they vowed to do.
I guess, in my personal value system, I highly value keeping my word. So if asked, I will suggest that one does everything humanly possible to keep their word.
Does that mean endure endless abuse? Nope. But it does mean taking an honest look an personal contributions to unhappiness, looking to see if personal expectations are reasonable, and of course, an unbiased third party observer who will give honest feedback, and not just a rubber stamp on what the client already feels.
2007-03-29 04:30:12
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answer #6
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answered by camys_daddy 5
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A woman must stay in the marriage for her children. If she made a mistake and chose the wrong spouse, she has to deal with the consequences. But the children are innocent, and deserve the stability and security of being raised by BOTH mom and dad. Only someone really selfish would leave for HER 'happiness' - she chose a husband, she chose to have children, now she MUST be mature and UNselfish, work on her marriage and raise her children with her husband, their father.
For a man, the answer is very simply the same! No difference, no double standard at all - not when there are CHILDREN involved.
*****EXCEPTIONS are abuse and addiction*****
2007-03-29 04:22:55
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answer #7
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answered by Lydia 7
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It is a myth that children are better off if their parents divorce. Both economically and psychologically, study after study shows that children of divorce have more obstacles in life.
I tell both women AND men to stay together, and I have never seen a single example here in YA in which both partners in a marriage tried everything possible and could not attain happiness.
Once you have children, you have incurred a responsibility that outweighs your flighty "search for happiness". You are entitled to seek happiness within your marriage by improving yourself, learning how to increase your communication skills, getting a better education, going on dates with your spouse, becoming more active, eating a healthier diet, etc, etc.
In a marriage with children you have a responsibility to prove to them, by example, that marriage is something worth working for. You should also teach them, again by example, that happiness can be cultivated from within the self, and does not rely upon leaving one's spouse to go find someone to "make" you happy.
"People change and fall out of love." True -- all the more reason to stay married. If a change made you fall out of love accidentally, then it is easy to see how making purposeful changes can make you fall back into love too.
I pity you, because you come across as powerless to create happiness. You assume that happiness is a thing that will come to you, or which you must seek from external sources. How sad! And shallow.
2007-03-29 04:04:46
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Here's what I think. Whether you're the man or the woman. Don't stay in a marriage for the kids sake. If you're unhappy, the whole family will be unhappy. Kids are resilent, they'll bounce back. If I'm not happy, I'm not going to stay in a relatioship that is going nowhere. Vow or no vow. Vows don't make the relationship or the happiness. I've been in relationships where kids were involved and I had to get out anyway because the relationship was going downhill.
2007-03-29 03:57:39
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answer #9
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answered by suzlaa1971 5
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people need to realize that children will not be happy if their parents are unhappy. In the long run, the kids will be happier as they are living with happy parents, not ones who are angry, resentful, arguing, fighting, not being affectionate with one another. Children adapt easier to change and while divorce is tough on them, most of all they just need to know that it is not their fault. It's about mommy and daddy, they did not do anything wrong. I hate when people make those kinds of statements, everyone has the right to be happy, man or woman, children or no children. Kids need to be in a happy loving home, where the parents are affectionate, loving and happy. They learn from their parents and if they choose to be unhappy, the kids will grown up the same way..staying in an unhappy, unhealthy realtionship for the sake of the kids. Is that what we want for our children. Do we want our children to grow up and not be very loving and affectionate to their partners cause it is not what they learnt how to do as children. I don't think so, if a woman isn't happy, if a man isn't happy..it doesn't matter...we have one life to live and we should make it a happy one. If you aren't happy, your spouse isn't happy, in return the children are not happy.
2007-03-29 03:56:17
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answer #10
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answered by countrygrl278 6
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