Is it nartaul to feel this way about my husband?

Question

me and my husband have been together four years and married 5 months. I know I love ihm, but i dont feel like i have passion for him anymore, im not intrested in sex and I feel like we fight quite a bit. he is very insequre despite my hard efforts. he always thinks im cheating on him though i am not. I dont know what to do. Is it normal to feel this way about your husband

we do not have any children, and have lived together for almost four years.

Answer 1

Michelle
I don't think it's either normal or abnormal. It's just something that happens, whether you've been married two years, five years, or thirty years.
Marriage isn't for the faint of heart. You have to fight to keep it going, and I'd say than any marriage that does NOT go through a few rough spots would be abnormal. Whether or not the marriage survives depends on the dedication of the participants.
If you are not sexually interested in your husband, you might wish to schedule an appoinment with a physician to find if there's an underlying physical cause...it could be hormonal. Please explain to your husband that it your sexual desire has nothing to do with cheating (it's a gut intstinct for a guy to feel this way when his wife loses interest) and that you're working on it.
However, HE needs to deal with this rationally too, and that includes NOT accusing you of having an affair. It could be something as simple as you holding down a job and having to do all the housework too! Who would even have the energy for sex under those circumstances?
I wish you and your husband the best, Hon. If you two love one another, keep fighting for this marriage, even if it includes going to counseling. Good luck.

Answer 2

Chances are, you guys had issues before the wedding and thought marriage would solve it all. NOT!

Marriage takes a lot of work. More so than when you two were dating. If you want this to work out, then communicate with each other. You can always go to counseling as well.

Do you think you gave your husband any indications that you were cheating? Talking about other men, staying out late with your friends, always on the phone then hanging up when he walks into the room?
And if one keeps accusing the other of cheating, they may have an ulterior motive as well.

Answer 3

Yeah, unfortunately you don't have to be married for the novelty of a relationship to wear off. You have reached that comfort zone where you know everything about each other and there is no new input, nothing fresh or exciting.

Problem is, the guy is insecure. This is not something to ignore. If you have given him no reason to feel this way, he is posing a danger to your relationship. His fears are unfounded. He's either starting trouble or he's got mental issues. Either way, be careful. Lack of trust is something that can ruin a relationship permanently.

Answer 4

no a good sign
that is what happens most of the time before divorce and not is not good
try to go and talk to him about how you feel and if he feels the same maybe get help

go and see a marriage counselor
good luck and i hope every thing works out

remember they say the first 2 years of marriage is the hardest and if you make it that far it has a better change to work

Answer 5

Sounds like both of you have lost that loving feeling. I would suggest counseling if you actually believe in the the Sanctity of marriage, otherwise divorce the bum and find someone you enjoy being around. Life is too short to live in a miserable relationship.

Answer 6

Well his insecurity comes from somewhere. Not saying from you, but from somewhere or someone. Perhaps prior women. Does *he* know why he's insecure about you? That's an issue he's got to resolve.

As far as you not wanting sex with your husband - well... women who like assertive guys marry them, then 2 years later they are "bossy" guys. Women who like tender guys marry them and 2 years later they are "p*ssies". By their nature women seem to like one person who keeps changing and being something new - I mean look at how women change their hair, clothes, face, you name it. Men are largely unaware of this need, and favor routine. Get up, go to work, come home, drink a beer, screw your girl, go to bed, fart under the covers, giggle yourself to sleep, wake up, go to work... Which drives women nuts. That's why when women freak out men go "What? We've always done it this way and you never complained before!"

So your normal chick feelings plus his weirdness piles up. And once again I have no scientific facts here but in my anecdotal experience of listening to people for the past 25 years or so I would say 6 out of every 7 women get married and grow weary of sex very quickly.

Now it could be for 14 million different reasons, but many many women get married and sex goes right out the window. Believe me if you could invent a zero calorie great tasting shake women could drink to cure that, you'd be rich beyond the dreams of avarice.

Otherwise, it takes lots of work not to get bored with your husband. Tell him you want some surprise in your life, to switch up the routines, to spring stuff on you now and then. I mean it's Tuesday night - come home, pop 2 tickets to a smooth jazz concert in your face and tell you that you have 20 minutes to get ready. Have sex anywhere in the house *but* the bed for 3 weeks. Put a little note in your purse. Bring flowers home. Have a nice brunch this weekend. Go to Brighton and buy you a cute bracelet. Attack you and tickle you until you pee a little. Learn to foxtrot together. There's tons of stuff he can do to mix it up. They aren't expensive but they show thought and surprise and love and affection.

Of course if he does all this and you still don't start enjoying lots of steamy sex with him, all hell will break loose.

Answer 7

I went through that with my husband and ended up having an affair which I deeply regret! Talk honestly with your husband and go to counseling before you do something you regret. If you are Christian or believe in God at all. There is a really good bood called "the power of a praying wife".... check it out.

Answer 8

As you know, passion does die if you let it. We have to keep it alive........I however don't have that problem....I have been with my husband over 6 years and I could eat him sometimes when I look at him, but you just need to find ways to spice up your love life with your husband. Try new things, go to a toy store, watch an adult movie........just try some different things out.......who knows, you might just get all that passion back....good luck sweetie

Answer 9

The lack of interest in sex, did you go on a different form of birth control after marriage? Go see your doctor. The arguing i think is normal, too many new quirks to work out, If he feels insecure about things you need to talk to him, go to counseling, good luck to you.

Answer 10

You are in a difficult time period in your marriage. We have all gone through it - sometimes it's after only 1-2 years, sometimes after 10, but it usually happens.
Life becomes mundane. Excitement stops.
What you have to do is take charge. Stop waiting for him to do it and YOU do it. Get some new ideas. Jump his bones. If you do, he will catch on and begin reciprocating.