Well worst fears in getting married is what if this guy I marry turns into a nasty beast and starts abusing me physically, emotionally and stuff or murders me??
How do I get over this fear, or what warning signs should I look out for as I date this guy?
Should I do the Brad Pitt and Angie JOlie thing and just not get married but keep a romantic relationship?
2007-03-29 03:12:06 · 35 answers · asked by wildncrazysurvivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do not get married if you're scared. Warning signs of abusers: 1. Controlling you - who you can see, what you can wear, when you can go out, etc. 2. Isolating you - getting you to break ties with your family & friends. 3. Yelling at you. 4. Any abusive treatment to a pet. 5. Forcing you to have sex when you don't want to. 6. Forcing you to do anything you don't want to do.
2007-03-29 03:17:22 · answer #1 · answered by gouldgirl2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Let me start by asking, how old are the both of you? How long have yo been dating? What makes you think this going to happen?
If any of these things do happen, that's when you pack up and leave. I've been in relationships where they've started to be nasty and emotionally abusive, and I ended up walking. Warning signs usually appear about 3-6 months or something into the relationship, let's face it, you can't go on hiding things forever. Sometimes things don't show until after you've "settled down". If it doesn't feel right at this point, then it probably isn't.
2007-03-29 03:22:26 · answer #2 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make some guy happy; don't get married. Get yourself a bunch of cats.
A guy won't simply turn into a beast. If you are dating a guy that likes to get into bar fights or is rude to waitresses, check out girls, etc. you can expect he will do the same to his future wife. Rather than do the Brad Jolie thing live in your own house. Visit the guy every so often but let him live his own life.
2007-03-29 03:18:45 · answer #3 · answered by hack_ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the rush? There's nothing wrong with getting married but you should never feel like there's this huge rush to do it. If the guy you are with is the right guy, you will stay with him wether you are married or not. If he's not, you dump him and you don't have to worry about the legal mess created by divorce. Take it easy. Give it a few years. There's no hurry.
What's marriage but a piece of paper anyway? Do you really need that to justify your relationship?
2007-03-29 03:16:35 · answer #4 · answered by Retodd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's scary that we have to think about these things now. Abuse is all over the news.
Don't make that your main focus when you date. Of course, you should look for angry reactions. Does he get mad and punch the wall? Does he get in fights somewhat regularly? Does he degrade people? If you see signs of this when you are dating, it could progress.
Bottom line, if you don't feel safe with him, then it's not a good situation. He should treat you with nothing but tenderness. No excuses. One hit or verbal attack is too much.
2007-03-29 03:17:43 · answer #5 · answered by agentm006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, first thing is.. are you in a relationship, and you dont have to get married.. there is no law saying you have to. its an old tradition soon to be faded out. lets face it.. men can be total nuts, and other natsy words i could use, and ive been in a bad abusive relationship, were i was raped. but the thing is, im slowly get over it, it doesnt bother me much now. and the pain does go away, trust me. but it does take time, its take me 3 yrs so far. but for one thing, you can tell if his no good by him lying, cheating, or even rage outbursts, like yelling all the time, slamming doors all the time, getting angry at you for no reason all the time.. no every few months, like every day, or several times a week at the least.. if he gets angry and starts putting you down, or hits you.. just walk out, right then and there.. leave... if you have to make noise once your out of the house, make a scene.. ok.. and there not all pigs, there is plenty of nice ones, and im sure your worry for nothing.. ok, think positive, if you think bad things, you will only draw bad things towards you, so think positive, and happy, and think about all the good things, and nice perfect guys, and you will draw them in.. ok
2007-03-29 03:20:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take it down a notch or two. Guys with abusive tendencies show them before you marry. The challenge is for you to see them for what they are, and not try to pretend they don't exist.
If someone begins to abuse you, then you leave. PERIOD.
You have to do what's right for you. Frankly, you sound like you might need a little therapy before you think about marriage. Your fear of marriage may be genuine, but it sounds a wee bit over the top.
2007-03-29 03:17:49 · answer #7 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Date him get to know him, signs of abuse tend to come out early and if your that scared you need therapy. Marriage is said to be a wonderful union between man and woman, not a fear factor stunt. Living together is fine, been doing that one myself for 5 years, But even that has down falls, they are who they are whether married or not.
2007-03-29 03:21:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me you are too paranoid about this guy. If he has never laid hands on you in a violent way I wouldn't worry about it. You say you could stay romantic but not married, what makes you think that would keep you safe from being beaten? Plenty of women just dating men are being beaten by them, you don't have to get married for it to happen. Just make sure you pay attention to his anger, if he hits you, Leave Immediately. Don't stick around.
2007-03-29 03:18:18 · answer #9 · answered by ~*~frankie~*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't get married until you are REALLY sure.
We attract our worst fears, stop fearing this or you will bring it into your life.
Most guys are not at ALL like this.
Instead of focusing on this fear, focus on a loving relationship that brings you joy and it will find you.
Good luck :)
2007-03-29 03:16:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋