Is he being selfish or am I?

Question

My husband has just found work in another state and is currently renting over there and loves his new job as he couldn't find one near our home. We own our home and I am living here alone but have a great job here. Now he is getting angry that I refuse to be with him. I love him and want to be with him, but what about our home and my family that live nearby? Living apart is not a long term option as eventually we want to have kids. Can anyone help? What should I do?

Answer 1

How far apart are these jobs? Is there a middle groud where you both could live and be between your workplaces, and still somewhat close to your family?

If not, one of you is going to have to give it up. What's more important, keeping your job, or starting your own family? Your family living nearby is a great thing, but they will always be your family no matter where you go.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Grow up and stop being a selfish little brat. You had your chance to object when he was considering the job. The reality is most working people need to relocate now and then, and that means picking up your entire family and moving.

You need to choose: Are you going to be an adult or remain a spoiled little child?

You have three options:

1. Move.

2. Divorce

3. Get a good job and become the family's primary breadwinner. This will let your husband move back to be with you and take a potentially lower paying job. Remember that this means he'll be the one to stay home with the kids and not you.

If you were serious, you'd go for option 1 or 3. Based on your comment though, you're probably such a self centered high maintenance child that your husband would be better off with option 2.

Just don't screw him over and demand something as absurd as alimony if you're divorcing him because you can't stand the thought of moving. Move back in with your parents while you find a new Sugar Daddy. I'm sure they'll be happy to baby you the way you want.

Answer 3

You and your husband need to get together and make a list of all the possibilities in the new state and all the possibilities in the one you are in, make a list of all the pros and cons or moving versus staying. Talk things over like adults and decide where to live and then make the necessary arrangements to follow through with your decisions. Maybe you could rent your house out and move with your husband to see how you like the new area for awhile before making it permanent. But remember you will have to be positive about whatever you guys decide or it won't work no matter what. If you go to the new state, join some groups or associations either individually or as couples so that you will meet new people in the area and start to make friends, look on the grocery store bulletin board, the municipal building bulletin board or the local library bulletin board. You may also consider that most men are the main provider for a family and once you have kids your husband will need to have a good job and you will be home and your life with me more changed than his and he should be in a job he likes and pays well rather than stuck in some job he hates or pays poorly. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

It's not a matter of being selfish, you both just have the same optimal situations for location and work and unfortunatly they dont really mix well.

You two will just need to try and reach an agreement or a settlement on where to locate. It would not be right of me to suggest he or you has to lose the nice job, but both of you could consider trying to find a similar job only located closer to the other's.

The fact that you currently live near your family is also a bit of a factor, that i can see. I think it will end up coming down to how you and him work things out and what agrement you can reach to compromise for eachother.

Answer 5

You have a life decision to make! All you can do is make a list of pros and cons of living in either place over the next few days until you think you have thought of everything. See how much you both agree with the list and then decide which things are essential and which are just nice to have.

Also decide if later one of your jobs may change, or thee will be the possibility to change jobs so you work closer together again.

Then make the best decision you can based on the pros and cons list!

Answer 6

Relationships are all about compromise. Is your job more important than your husbands? Is his more important than you? Who would have an easier time relocating - finding a new job?

In this case your both being a little selfish. Someone has to give in if you want the marriage to work. Traditionally the woman does...but that doesn't mean it's always best.

Answer 7

i can see how your confused, and to what the other said its not about you not loving your husband because im sure you do, but you and him need to figure out if your relationship is the most important thing. If neither of you are willing to move then you have some changes to do with your realtionship. Try your hardest to work this out divorce should be the last resort.

Answer 8

i don't think it's selfish to not want to leave your house and great job! it's also not selfish to want your wife with you! exactly how far apart are you living, is it possible to move somewhere in the middle where you could both commute? if you want it to work one of you is going to have to conceed. it might be easier for you to find another great job because you did say he couldn't find one by you so maybe you can find one by him

Answer 9

Well Fifi it sounds like one of you needs to quit their job and move in with the other person.
You're leading seperate lives right now and if this isnt worked out, you'll end up divorced.

Thats what happens to celebritites...

Answer 10

this is so self explanitory. you need to be with your husband above and beyond all of the family there and your job, if he is the breadwinner and yall can live comfortably together where he is you need to go on and sell your house and be with him.i would have never let it get to where you are right now. wherever my hubby is thats where i am.