S T U C K
A step before one,
Behind another
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There's nowhere to go
And nowhere to breathe
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So I stopped breathing
Now I'm dead in side
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Resenting regret
Such a waste of time
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Patience, a virtue
Forsaken by all
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A world that's moving
Faster and faster
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Where are they going?
Why are they rushing?
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To smell the roses
Is to ask for death
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Isn't death certain?
Why are you racing?
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Why not surprise them?
Join me in Living
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For I do not like
Smelling the roses
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Alone
2007-03-29 02:37:33 · 6 answers · asked by Sirius Black 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
This poem belongs to me, copyrighted and published. Please do not copy this poem.
2007-03-29 02:38:40 · update #1
I enjoyed it. Like Persiphone_Hellecat said, it's a positive and reassuring piece of poetry.
When I started reading I was expecting depressing emo-esque verse I can't stand for the life of me, but the ending was indeed surprising, pulling the poem together and making it pretty original. I suppose that was your intention.
Anyways, if I were to nitpick, "in side" should be one word, and I found the separating lines to be quite annoying.
2007-03-29 07:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a very powerful piece with plenty of emotion attached to it. If this is your poem you have dome quite well. In a couple places it almost seems as if there are a few too many words, words that don't really carry meaning they are filling in space. In addition, the poem might also use an allusion or two, a simile or metaphor. This will add depth and meaning.
But if I were a teacher and this was the type of poem the teacher asked for, this would get an A.
2007-03-29 10:13:00 · answer #2 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually it's anything BUT depressing. The end says it all. Why not surprise them? Join me in Living For I do not like smelling the roses alone. I think this could be something one would read over the phone to someone who calls in on a suicide hotline. It is a positive affirmation of life. I love it. Pax - C.
2007-03-29 11:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good ideas but would suggest condensing and taking out
the questions and incorporating them into the context of
the poem. It seems stuck on various levels and doesn't
have the flow necessary to make an impact.
2007-03-29 13:22:12 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really liked, it's great. A bit dark but great.
2007-03-29 13:00:41 · answer #5 · answered by bubbas_bookworm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depressing but quite BRILLIANT
2007-03-29 09:55:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋