My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant, should I take him back?

Question

I was nine months pregnant at the time. He left me for her. The baby's now three months old and we have a toddler together, also. I'm really torn between holding my family together and wondering if I can ever trust him, again. He's struggled with mental illness in the past, but this is extra bad. I still love him, but he's been running around with this girl for months. She's still in the picture, but now he wants to leave her for me. Now what?

Divorce procedings are already well under way... we have a hearing for custody in about a week and have both retained an attorney (his is Legal Aid, mine is high priced...)

He's not working now, nor has he had a job for over a year... he claims to be an artist. ;) He is very talented, but not a bread-winner

Answer 1

To be honest, no. . He will use you again and again. This is not going to be good for the children. They will be better off knowing that their mother was a strong parent. They will see how you do things and will follow suit. If you do this this sends a message that it is alright to be like him or to be allowing yourself to be a door mat. If he does want to really change tell him only after a year of acting right then you will think about it. You have to do this to avoid a repeat of his actions. Make him prove that he is sincere. If he truly does love you and your children then nothing will be too much. Understand this as it is important for your children and your self esteem. If he does do this you will feel better about him and have less doubt. It is the hard thing, but it is the only way to be sure. He has to pay child support no matter what. That is the law. Good luck and be a Mother first.

Answer 2

Sorry if he is so disrespectful as to cheat on you in the time you need him the most then you should NOT take him back.

Continue with the divorce and get a custody agreement as well as a child support order. And when he does begin to work make sure that amount goes up. Do not let him get away without paying.

Answer 3

I think deep down you know the answer. If he's still with the girl while talking to you about getting back together, you have to know. If he wanted you so bad, why'd he do it in the first place, and why is he still with her? Are you the back-up plan incase it doesn't work out between them, or is he staying with her incase you won't take him back? Either way it's a bad situation for you and your kids. Go forward, not backwards. Let him have his girlfriend, and someday they'll both get what's coming to them.

Back when I was 18, I found out the man I'd been dating for three years was cheating on me. I forgave him, we got married, and decided to start a family. Two days after our twin boys were born, he admitted to me that he'd still been seeing that girl until about four months AFTER we got married, but swore he'd had nothing to do with her since, so I forgave him again. Fast forward a few years to when I was 5 months into my second pregnancy, I find out he'd been having an affair for almost a year (different girl). He'd been telling this girl that he was going to leave me, and he wanted a family with her. We divorced, and they broke up before our divorce was even final. He says he'd never intended to have anything serious with her, and he didn't think I'd find out. But I was done, I realised that this was just going to keep happening. Once men have had a taste of the thrill of cheating, it's hard for them to stop. And there was no way I was going to let my kids be stressed out and influenced by a 'man' who couldn't grow up and make up his mind about what he wanted.

Focus your energy on yourself and your children, and not on a man who think it's a game to toy around with other girls and disrespect his family. Let that other girl deal with the headaches and the cheating, and find yourself a faithful man. If you absolutley are determined to take him back, I hope you at least wait until after he has left the other girl, and take some time to see if he shows remorse and improvement. I don't mean a couple days, anyone can fake it for that long. Let him know that if he really wants you, he needs to leave her and not be with anyone until you feel ready to take him back, even if it takes months. If he's not willing, then it's not worth it.

Answer 4

I say let him go. If a man cheats on you and uses the fact that you are pregnant with his child as an excuse then he is the lowest of the low. He has to know that at nine months pregnant that you are probably feeling about as unattractive as you ever have and for him to cheat is unforgivable. Hey, if he is mentally unfit, that is just another feather in his cap. Cut him out now so that your children's memories of him will fade away... give yourself a chance to meet a good man, yeah, there are still a few of us out there! Good Luck to you.... focus on yourself and the needs of your young kids. Fatherhood is a privilege, not a right. Just because he had sex doesn't make him a father. You need to stop letting him back in.

Answer 5

I don't think he is trustworthy. He was running around on you for months, is still with her, but says he wants to come back to you. He left you to be with her, now says he wants to leave her and come back to you. How long before he is running around with someone else completely new? And both you and his latest girlfriend are dumped.

Has he done something like this before? If so, then run quickly to the nearest divorce lawyer and start proceedings.

If you let him come back and then he leaves you again, how much damage and confusion will that cause for your toddler? I think you need to cut your losses and get on with your life. Don't deny him access to the children, but don't try to have him back as a permanent part of your life.

Answer 6

Sounds to me like he gets bored easy. As soon as things in life are calm he must do something for excitement.
Will he get bored with you again? You need to ask yourself that.
He also doesn't seem to have deep feelings for anything in life. And does just what he wants.
Ask yourself why he really wants to come back.

If you took him back, I'd say to tell him he needs to seek pro. help first for at least 6 months. At the end of that time, you will both know how you really feel.
He he says no to that, then you know the feelings are not deep enough.

Answer 7

ask him why it happened and what he'll do to make sure it never happens again, what in it for you ,ask him why should you take him back ask him what he thinks a good punishment for him would be, It he says spending more time with you, you say I sorry you feel like that's punishment then dump the idiot and make sure he knows his child. Of course it's up to you the first cheat is the hardest then it becomes easier or so I've heard

Answer 8

Dr. Phil says the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Having said that, is he willing to go to counseling with you. Or is he not that interested in getting back together? Usually an affair is a symptom of a problem, not the problem.

Answer 9

Only you know the answer to this question.

I will say one thing....it is better for a child to be from a broken home, than to live in one.

Ok I will say one more thing....I stayed with my X to keep the family together and for the kids. It was the biggest mistake in my life.

Answer 10

It sounds like the two of you stopped being friends long ago.Nobody can make this decision for you.Being lovers will never work.It takes friendship and trust to make any relationship work.