i dont trust her anymore?

Question

shes never cheated on me or anything she just lives over an hour away and goes to a different school....and i catch her in little lies (not anything big or meaningful) every now and then. even though they are little lies it is so much worse when she lives far away.......i try to trust her but i have somewhat of an issue with that myself......what should i do? am i being controlling?

Answer 1

it's hard for that kind of relationship to work, maybe you should break up and find someone who lives closer to you

Answer 2

You're asking this question in the marriage/divorce category so I'm going to go from the assumption that you're married.

It sounds like an untenable situation. An hour separation in a committed relationship only makes sense if there's a damn good reason why, and the situation promises to be temporary (or at least there's light at the end of the tunnel that the two of you will be back together).

If she's lying to you at all, well that means you are somewhat justified in not trusting her. That doesn't make you paranoid, it just makes you 'not stupid' or purposely blind.

Now this isn't license to overreact and start screaming at her that she must have been cheating all along, but it is plenty of reason for you to have a serious talk with her letting her know that you expect a healthy relationship and that even the little lies hurt your ability to trust her, and that the two of you need to connect and be honest with each other if you're going to make it over the long haul.

Rethink the reasons you're apart. If there's a way for you not to be apart, try to make it happen.

You are not being controlling, you are taking responsibility for your life. Let her know that if the relationship is real, then the two of you have a responsibility to each other. If she's going to bail on the relationship, she at least owes you the honesty that she's no longer in it for the duration (not saying that's the case at all).

Really, how controlling could you really be? She's an hour away, and gets away with lying to you. If anything, she's the controlling and manipulating one right now.

Answer 3

I don't think so. Long distance relationships are about trust. If she lies about the little things, then how can you rationally believe that she's not lying about the big things? Have you confronted her on any of these inconsistencies? Has she been able to explain them? More importantly, how does she react to your questions? If she is intolerant/defensive/accusing (i.e., trying to make it your fault for being controlling rather than her fault for being dishonest), that would be a bad sign. If she is patient, tolerant of your questions, and able to explain that she misspoke or was thoughtless, that would be a good sign.

Answer 4

I learned, with trust, you either have it or you don't. But for me, I have many friends who off the bat, no hesitation-I can say i trust them 100%...NO doubts whatsoever. If you gotta 2nd-guess something, there's probably no trust. I used to have trust issues with an ex bf, only to find out I assumed too much and looked like an a**!! Trust is a BIG thing in relationships-if you don't trust her, then you shouldnt be with her. Not to say she is doing anything bad-just the trust factor alone will bring up major relationshpis issues and worries...

Answer 5

Trust is a very important part of a relationship. Once it is lost, there is not much left to hold it together. If she has not gave you any reason to mistrust her, then don't look for something that is not there. As for the little white Lies, if she cannot be truthfull to you then you have a problem.

Answer 6

your not being controlling. but honey a lie is a lie, big or little. why would she waste her time on little lies if there isnt something bigger to hide? if you dont trust her then i suggest ending the relationship cause when you have no trust; you have nothing!

Answer 7

yeah your being controlling. an hour away wow. hows that for a long distance relatioship. good thing you arent in iraq. i live an hour away from work. my boss tells me little lies all the time. i dont trust him either.

Answer 8

making her feel bad for your insecurities is controlling though and can damage a reasonbly good relationship. try not to 'assume' so much. all assuming is in your mind, what you conjure up unless you actually witness to some real wrong doing. maybe you like trouble? does it make the relationsip more exciting? when you cant be physical...guys tend to use their energy that way..by being insecure or jealous. try working out. good luck with it. peace

Answer 9

no
you are not being controlling
you have the right to know what she is doing
if you are together
but you should know that long distance
no matter how long
dont usually work
because you dont see them
and if you dont seem them
you cant really trust them
and why would she even want to lie?
shes hiding something that you think is not significant

Answer 10

If you love her, you NEED to trust her. If she loves you and you love her, she is owed your trust unless she breaks it by cheating, or something else major.
If you cannot trust her, it is time to let her go to save both of you alot of pain and drama.

Good luck

Answer 11

stop micro-managing you'll drive yourself CRAZY!
look if shes seeing someone else you don't really want to confront her about it right now anyway.
your going to school and that should come first anyway.
lighten up on the reins and if your ment to be together it'll happen.
FYI
don't put all your eggs in one basket!
find some "Friends" of your own........
if she really LOVES you she's not fucxxxx anyone dude